Google Trends: What the Hell Do Humans Care About?

Google has this interesting feature where any given day it will list the top 100 things that people are searching for on the internet. You can even break it down further and see what country is searching for what, or even type in your own keywords to see how many other people care about the same thing you do.

1.            klippel trenaunay syndrome- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klippel-Trenaunay-Weber_syndrome

(Writer Carla Sosenko revelead she has this in the latest Marie Claire magazine. This is very interesting to me that the #1 search in the world is about a rare medical condition where blood vessels don’t form properly? I guess we should be happy that people are trying to inform themselves but um how strange?)

2.            designer home tending- http://www.designerhometending.com

(This service puts tenants into houses until they are sold.   Great idea, except I would probably trash the house! Woops)

3.            honest tea- http://honesttea.com/

            (Six delicious flavors. I miss Snapple, that was a damn good beverage.)

4.            mary louise shows off her big nipples- http://tubeonporn09.com/tube/?id=368&title=mary+louise+shows+off+her+big+nipples

(Now this is what I expected people to be looking for! This is Mary Louise Parker showing her bongos in the Showtime series Weeds.  So far we see that drinking tea, learning about diseases and renting a house is more important than porn!)

5.            slam magazine- http://www.slammagazine.com

            (Basketball publication.  Everyone is looking up the amazing Denver Nuggets)

6.            cheesus- http://www.necn.com/Boston/Nation/Woman-claims-she-found-Cheesus-/1217357256.html

            (A woman claims that she found Jesus in her Cheetos. OH YEA. It’s the cheesiest)

7.            blonde charity mafia- http://www.blondecharitymafiablog.com/

            (A fake reality show on the CW. I’m sorry but the only time I will watch the CW is when Brandon returns to 90210. Until that happens, CW go to hell.)

8.            carla sosenko- http://carlasosenko.com/

            (That lady who has the #1 searched for disease. She’s kind of a big deal)

9.            john wall Kentucky- http://www.huliq.com/1/81077/john-wall-basketball-kentucky-or-uk

            (H.S. Basketball Player.  Who cares?)

10.            cosby show cast- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086687/fullcredits

(Sometimes I too want to reminise about the Huxtables and all the fun we had with Denise, Rudy, Theo and the gang)

11.            mary louise parker photos http://tubeonporn09.com/tube/?id=368&title=mary+louise+shows+off+her+big+nipples

(For those modest people who don’t want their wives or mothers to find the word nipple in their internet history folders)

12.            dolla- http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2009/05/19/atlanta-rapper-dolla-shot-dead-outside-los-angeles-mall/

            (An Atlanta Rapper shot dead at a mall in California. One last Holla for Dolla)

13.  housing starts- http://www.census.gov/const/www/newresconstindex.html

(data on new house construction.  First economy related search. Sure we are all worried about the future of our money, but first we need to drink tea, watch porn, and check on our favorite rappers)

14.            palm pre- http://www.infosyncworld.com/news/n/10282.html

            (new cell phone…lame)

15.            afpaas- https://afpaas.af.mil

            (Top secret Air Force stuff)

16.            cheesus Christ-  http://www.necn.com/Boston/Nation/Woman-claims-she-found-Cheesus-/1217357256.html

(Really people? Really? It’s a chip that looks like Jesus, its not the end of the world. Or is it a sign of the end of the world? I believe it was in John 3:16 where it says, “And Thy Lord and Savior shall return as a Savoiry snack, but do not eat thy snack for it will cause you to be a fat ass with orange fingers)

17.            blue star flag- http://www.grantham.edu/promo/freebluestar.php

(Grantham University is giving away a free blue star flag to all military people. This is pretty cool since its right around Memorial Day)

18.            may ray day- http://www.commonsensemedia.org/book-reviews/Red-Rubber-Boot-Day.html

(Author Mary Ray wrote a book called Red Rubber Boot Day for kids, too bad my people are not allowed to adopt or I could have a child to read this too)

19.            kean university- http://www.Kean.edu

            (Who the hell wants to go to school in New Jersey?)

20.            national hurricane center- http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/

            (It rained yesterday in South Florida, so everyone panicked and thought it was a hurricane and drove 20 mph and bought all the creamed corn in grocery stores)

So what has Google trends taught us about humans? That the most important thing in our lives revolve around food, famous people and hurricanes.  Awesome. IS THERE ANY OTHER PLANET AVAILABLE TO LIVE ON? I’LL BRING MY OWN OXYGEN.