RE: Love Study

Lily was telling me about still another study done on love. It was first published via Reuters Life from Sydney, Australia 7/14/09.

SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) – Living happily ever after needn't only be for fairy tales. Australian researchers have identified what it takes to keep a couple together, and it's a lot more than just being in love.

When we read researchers we immediately think people in a lab in white coats. Maybe this is appropriate, but for some reason, that escapes me, we attach authority to what they say. What they say is worth considering, but it isn't all inclusive and it certainly should not be considered authoritative. Do we somehow think they are not as screwed up as we are?

A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.

Factors maybe, but a handful of sand does not make a beach.

The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.

I marvel that so many people love to play the statistics game. Statistical anomalies are not occasional, they are prolific.

It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Whew. That was close. I am 8 1/2 years older than my wife, but I was 34 when we were married.

Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.

Hey we beat the odds! Lily brought three little boys to our marriage and I brought one.

Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.

A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

Oh no! Lily's parents were divorced, but my parents were married and divorced three times.

Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.

Wow! 90%! I am Lily's second marriage and she is my third. I am not proud. I am very grateful. 

Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband -- not the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.

There were five of us in a two bedroom apartment with a card table for a dining room set. That might not be poor, but it sure helped that we lived across the street from where I worked so I could walk to work when the car wasn't running.

And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.

OK, I think we did good on this one. I used to smoke a pipe, still miss it, but have not smoked in years.

Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.

Well that's good news.

The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.

Lily and I consider ourselves average and normal. We celebrated our 26th Wedding Anniversary 11/15/09. We are very happy with one another. We do not consider ourselves myth busters or a couple swimming up-stream, however, we both agree the most important person in our relationship is neither Lily nor me. Jesus Christ has been the foundation of our relationship from the very beginning. The Bible tells us we will not be married in heaven. None the less our prayer has always been that we will always be together with the Lord. (Remember, if you know your Bible heaven is not 'up there.' Heaven is here. The new Jerusalem comes down.

The point I am trying to make is we are all unique. It is never too late to turn your life over to the Lord. What is impossible for you and I and the folks in white coats is easily possible for the Lord. We wish we had not made the mistakes and choices we made. (Sin) But Jesus forgives and heals and those who have been forgiven much can love much.

Whatever you want to do; in relationships, marriage, business, church; if Jesus is the Head, if Jesus is the foundation, all things are possible.