As a '1' on the enneagram I appreciate line upon line thinking. I am a product of Western culture in that I usually think linearly; I like bullet lists, black and white, and the much used word, closure. In seminary we learned about holding things in tension. I didn't like that. I like answers. Think about it. There are few answers on this side of the river.
Recently I was allowed to read a draft of the book Paradox Lost by Jen Johnson and Katie Skurja. It helped me appreciate paradox, balance, harmony, and yes, the beauty of holding things in tension. If you have trouble sitting still try thinking about paradox in the Bible. There is the last will be first, lion and lamb, mercy and justice, God and servant, die to live ... your list making will keep you seated for a long time.
Seminary required a lot of reading. In my case all of that reading generated scraps of paper, notes I am still finding in a drawer, in a book, on a shelf, on my computer hard drive and even in email I sent myself. One note was a quote from Eugene H. Peterson. In the Contemplative Pastor he wrote, "... my job is not to solve people’s problems or make them happy, but to help them see the grace operating in their lives."I saved that. As a spiritual director I like the continual reminder that I cannot solve the problems of other people. Asking someone where God might be in their situation or circumstance is a reminder to them that they are not alone, that God is there in their frustration, in their pain and in their sorrow.
At times I think I know all about grace, but I am fast coming to the conclusion I don't have a clue. I neither appreciate the grace freely given to me nor do I freely extend that grace to others. Note the word freely. Surely some great writer has linked that thought with Deut 6:5.
For me, Paradox Lost is all about grace, keeping in mind who the Bible says I am in Christ, despite what others say about me and what I too often think about myself. Grace is who the Bible says I am despite my temporary position or condition. That same grace applies to others. It's hard to accept God's grace for myself and every bit as difficult to realize it applies to others as well. That is why the drama of one up or one down, Katie's language, creates a world of walking wounded, casualties of mutated, corrupted relationships.
We all struggle in the drama of life, what to do, this or that, only to later find the answer was neither nor. Linear thinking can quickly paint us into a corner. We don't have to have the answers. Is wisdom defined by knowledge? Is compassion a derivative of being smart?
Grace knows Who sent us, Who sustains us and Who will ultimately reward us. Grace is being present for someone else as God is always present for us, even when we feel alone. Mat 11:28 is the invitation to all of us who struggle in the drama triangle.
Paradox Lost is a reminder of the great balance that is necessary for life; in the earth's eco system, in our relationships with one another, in everything. Yes, there is freedom in learning to hold things in tension. This is a good book to read.
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