Do you read noble works and question, hope, wonder if one day you will be like what you read? Do you long to become the incarnation of that person you fail to be? Who lives up to their own expectations?
The Apostle Paul knew what he should think, what he should say and what he should do, but he confessed he didn't. (Romans 7:15, 19-20)
So how effective is 'knowing' what to do if we don't do it? I get frustrated when I think I don't know what to do because I know I probably do know what to do. I can admit that much of my uncertainty is only a mask for fear. Can I admit that much of my uncertainty is the result of not trusting the God I pray too, read about, the God I say I love? After all, how often has God not done things my way, according to my methods and my schedule?
I remember what churches used to call Testimony Wednesdays. I suppose that stopped because it seemed there were always a few people who felt compelled to get up in front of everyone, every week, and tell their story.
Despite this, there was almost always someone genuinely compelled by the Spirit of God to praise or confess. It was powerful and compelling when someone opened their heart to reveal the real Spirit of God. I don't mind sitting through the karaoke like ramblings of the insecure for the opportunity to hear a real witness.
I enjoy listening to a teacher-preacher called by God who has spent time with the Lord and has a message, but there are those among us whose life becomes the sacrament of God's message. Isn't that God's will for all of us? When they open up and share how God has comforted them in their pain and sorrow, sustained them, carried them ... here is where we get a real glimpse of the power of God manifested in our own weakness.
Is there not a life we cannot control in the brokenness of our own efforts? What happens when we come to the end of ourselves, when we don't know what else to think, try, or do; when we become crumpled, broken, too tired to even care what others think?
Tears are the body's line of defense. They can restore balance, even health. They can provide strength to get up and try again. There are other tears, however, invisible tears that betray a broken spirit. These are like that thin veil that splits the sky's horizon. Their tiny position lies between despair and hope.
I hate the process of getting to that point! I hate having no input, no control over the process. I hate knowing; yes knowing I have no control. Yet I know when I know I have no control is when I open the door at God's knock. When every bit of me is rung out and I am but a limp rag, a broken shell of who I failed to be ... God comes, God heals, God restores.
Comments