Balance

In a previous article I wrote about being convicted of always praying, 'God, what is your will for my life,' instead of praying to know God's will. I could only take this as an indicator of my own self-centeredness, the same self-centeredness I loathe in others. As it so often happens with reading your Bible, that thought was underscored in today's reading.

Colossians 1:9 For this reason, since the day we heard it, we have not ceased praying for you and asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of God’s will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 so that you may lead lives worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, as you bear fruit in every good work and as you grow in the knowledge of God.

Jesus told us plainly that leading lives fully pleasing to God means loving God first and others second. I find the first part easy, but I struggle with the second part. Of course struggling in the second part means the first part is not as solid as one might think. Teetering between the two is not balance.

When I think of balance I think of a position, state of consciousness, understanding that resides in the tension of what we think we know and what we hold by faith. Leaning too far either way is detrimental to our health and the well being of those around us. We know for all our best of intentions and good starts, finishing what we begin demands discipline. In a world driven by convenience, discipline is an uncomfortable word; however, it takes more discipline in the good times when we look at life through windows than the bad times when windows become mirrors.

If everyone and everything are subject to my agendas then I coo like a baby. There is no stress when life flows in the river of your will. When children behave and family members act responsibly, when the pet does its business outside and the person in the other car allows you to enter their lane, life is good. Balance comes easy when every question is either-or and the answer lines up with your understanding. Life is not like that. In many ways we are like a leaf. Sometimes we may float and sometimes we may be tossed about, sometimes we pass through and sometimes we sink.

When relationships, careers, changes of life come or go before we are ready, our world of convenience is shaken. It should not seem strange that convenience is so easily distracted. It is not real. It is a false sense of balance. During these times what were formerly windows become mirrors. Instead of looking through and out we find ourselves looking in, looking in at our own face, confronted with who we really are and dealing with the fact that our agendas don't matter anymore. What do you do when your agendas are not the agenda?  

One of our inner fears is that if people really knew us they would not-only-not love us; they would not like us either. We all know we are not who we wish we were. As long as life appears to be going well, for us, we look through windows and keep life at a safe distance, but when the windows become mirrors life can seem like the enemy.

Was it a Greek who first said, "Know yourself?" We don't, I don't and you don't. Some of us are extremely professional at hiding our brokenness behind our job, position, status, possessions, etc., but make no mistake, we are all broken. The Bible states it clearly. We have all missed the mark. Paul said I do what I don't want to do.

So often we hear someone speaking to an audience, some large group of people or maybe a celebrity to their fans and they say, "I love you all." Does anyone really believe that catering to the agenda of someone else will make them love you? Besides, they are speaking to a body of indistinct people, not you individually.

We do that, you know; we slander various groups of people who do not think the way we do. Then, whether you call it providence or fate, we are tossed together with someone very unlike ourselves. As we get to know them we are surprised that we like them and actually appreciate the very things that make them so different from ourselves.

The moment the indistinct face in the crowd becomes a unique individual, with a face we recognize, our either-or ideas are challenged. How often are we ashamed when we get to know someone who does not think the way we do, and discover they need love, just like us?

We love words like authenticity, phrases like 'just be real,' 'be who you are,' and 'I'm just me.' No you're not and neither am I. None of us are 'I'm just me.' Whether we think so or not we are all a part of each other. Eventually everyone takes their turn staring in the mirror instead of looking out the window. What will we do with what we see? Will we pop a pill, take a drink, and indulge in sex? Will we float or will we sink? Whatever we do will indeed affect those around us now, and especially those who follow us later, maybe for good, maybe not.    

I am not a big John Donne fan, but his XVII Meditation never fails to speak to me. It is a beautiful explanation of what Jesus meant when he declared the intent of his heart, that we would be in him as he is in the Father. This is the only balance that matters. Hopefully we will all come to the realization that everyone does not exist to populate our world. Rather, all our little worlds are somehow lovingly and intricately interwoven by the hand of God. We are all going to die, but believing in the connection we have with God and one another, and not only knowing this, but acting on this will bring balance.