Parenting tips - a few things I've learned along the way

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Here are a few parenting tips that I've learned over the years.  It’s never too late to make things right in your children’s lives.

1. If you’ve messed up, let your kids know. Ask for their forgiveness. When you teach them how to forgive, they will know how to ask others for the same. Our family likes to ask for “do-overs” and we always say, “Do you forgive me?” Yeah, it’s silly, but it is effective.

2. Removing a positive stimulus (think toys, cell phones, fun activities) works so much better than punishment. The effect is longer lasting and you don’t create the generalized fear towards you that spanking does.

3. People always tell you that this time of having little ones will be over sooner than you think. They weren’t kidding. In a blink, your children are raised and you have the rest of your life to do what you want.

4. Your children aren’t you. Stop living through them vicariously. Don’t make them be the greatest football player or cheerleader if it’s your dream. Allow them to make mistakes. Allow them to differentiate; separate and become their own person. That’s their job! Yours is to root them on – not hold on – as they do it.

5. Even if they act like they don’t need hugs and touch, they do. When they are 2, 12, 18, or 43!

6. Don’t make their bodies the battleground. How can we teach them to make decisions regarding sexual purity if we command control over their bodies? For me, this meant allowing a daughter to get a belly button ring.  I'm not saying that's what every parent should do, but I used it as a teaching opportunity.

7. That being said, too much freedom is just as damaging as too much authority. The best children turn out healthy and happy when there are rules, but some flexibility and leeway for rules to be changed along the way.  Your children are people.  As they grow up, let them have some part in how the family rules work. Trust them until they are untrustworthy.

8. I don’t believe you can spoil a baby with too much love. Nor do I believe you can harm him by responding to his cries. I shudder when I think of mom’s who nurse their babies every 4 hours on the dot, whether baby is hungry or not. We don’t eat with that kind of rigidity; why should they? Being there faithfully for your children will allow them to integrate you (inside) so they can develop into healthy adults.

9.  Call your own parents and love them the best way you can. Remember, they had their own wounds. No one tries to screw up his or her children.

10. Read this wonderful post by Ann Voskamp….out loud:aholyexperience.com/2008/05/dwelling-places.html

What parenting tips do you have to offer readers?

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