Myths and facts about childhood sexual abuse

Free photo from Morguefile

Myth: Incest - people think it is rare. It’s such an ugly word….most people never talk about it.

Fact: At least 1 in 4 women have been sexually molested by someone very close to them. Newer research suggests numbers closer to 38% or higher. Among males the rate is 1 in 6.

*Compare this to what trauma-expert Dr. Judith Herman was taught in her days as a resident only 2 decades ago: That incest occurs one time in a million.

Myth: People think incest is strictly limited to blood relatives

Fact: Incest is defined as anyone in the "family system" that is in a position of trust and power who gains emotional and sexual pleasure at a child’s expense.

Myth: People think sexual intercourse has to have taken place in order for it to be defined as incest.

Fact: Most childhood sexual abuse never involves physical intercourse. Instead it involves inappropriate touching, leering, words, and exposure to such things as pictures and videos for the perpetrator's pleasure.

Myth: Survivors always fear their perpetrator.

Fact: Most survivors love and admire their perpetrator and that is why it is all the more destructive. Someone the child loves and trusts betrays them. Later in life, many of the survivor’s intimate relationships may be affected. She may find it difficult to trust and find closeness with anyone. The survivor is perpetually torn between wanting to draw close to people and pulling away; the moment she feels emotional intimacy or closeness, she fears being hurt. This is one the most damaging consequences of incest.

Myth: All sexual abuse feels awful to the survivor.

Fact: No child wants to be sexually abused. However, there may be aspects of the abuse that the survivor enjoyed (i.e. special favors, a feeling of importance, even moments of physical pleasure) and this is the most shameful thing for survivors - it confirms her sense of badness. She may think she “asked for it” and contributed to the offense. Perpetrators count on this. They select, seduce, and groom their victims. They are aware of the enormous power they have in a child’s life, and rely on this sense of collusion in order to keep the secret.

Myth: Sexual behavior between siblings and/or peers is normal curiosity.

Fact: Depending on the age and power differential, what some call “curiosity” is actually abuse. What some believe is normal, can exact a devastating toll on survivors.

Often survivors grow up with symptoms such as low self-esteem, fear of intimacy, trust issues, self-destructive behaviors such as self-injury, substance abuse, and eating disorders.  They may become promiscuous, depressed and anxious.  But they may never connect the dots to the sexual abuse that happened when they were younger.

Not enough people realize how much they can be helped through individual counseling and group support.