Spending time with your kids is the most precious gift for them

Being a good dad isn’t enough. In order to make long-lasting impacts on our children’s lives, we need to be meaningful fathers. The word meaningful is important. It means: to be significant, to have an important effect, momentous, important, and consequential.

This father’s day, families will gather to give dear old dad the annual gifts of ties, golf balls, shirts, pants, or, if he’s a lucky man – a box of fine cigars and a bottle of top-shelf scotch!

Fathers should, from time to time, reflect upon what it means to be a meaningful father. For those dads who may have a difficult time jump-starting the reflection process, here is a list of ten steps that a man can take on his way to providing meaning to the lives of his children and to his own:

1. Respect your children’s mother. Even if you are divorced, put the battle-axes down and respect her – especially in front of your children. Your children will mimic your behavior both now and later in their adult lives. The way you treat your children’s mother will influence the way the child will view his/her role when he/she becomes parents. Make parenting as much a partnership as possible – even if it seems more like a business relationship. Agree about how to discipline and reward your children and be consistent.

2. Introduce your spirituality into the lives of your children. This begins, for most, with bedtime prayers and a prayer before meals but it is at its best when it goes beyond those moments and incorporates life lessons. Life lessons are, for example, those times when your child’s team doesn’t win the big game – you should comment upon how winning isn’t everything and that fun, teamwork and participation are the key reasons to compete. Another way would be to talk about life and death in context of God’s love and place for us in Heaven. Living by example is the most meaningful spiritual lesson you’ll ever give your kids.

3. Show affection. Some men are not naturally inclined to be openly affectionate and they struggle to communicate their love for their children. Hugging children is easy and it is among the most meaningful expressions of love you can give. Hug your kids. And whisper “I love you” as you do. The power of this simple act cannot be over stated.

4. Have fun. Fatherhood is a monumental responsibility but it is also a role in which having fun provides meaningful moments. Get crazy at Halloween – dress up in costume and walk the neighborhood with your kids. Take them places. If your cash flow allows, buy a karaoke system and sing along with your kids – they love to sing and it provides a great impetus for great parties! Having fun with your kids shows them that you enjoy being their father. They will forever remember this.

5. Don’t move away! A divorce from your children’s mother does not mean you are divorced from your children. A father who moves more than a few hours drive away from his kids has significantly damaged his ability to add meaning to the lives of his children. Chances are that he won’t attend all of the school plays and sporting events, etc. if he lives that far away. Your children, although they will not be able to articulate it, will feel as if you don’t care and they will feel a sense of abandonment. Please… stay logistically close to your kids.

6. You never know when you’re making a memory. Some fathers miss chances to spend time with their kids because they are workaholics or would rather be on the golf course, etc. Once these chances are gone, they are gone forever and the memory that may have been created, is lost forever. Establish the intimacy of closeness with your children while they are young because it's next to impossible to do it later in life. Creating memories is the main ingredient for providing meaning to your children’s lives.

7. Teach by word and example. A father is the spiritual head of the family and it is from him that his children need to be taught right from wrong. Demonstrate this by making decisions in front of them and take the time to explain to them why you arrived at the particular decision. Discuss with them about choices you made in life and what the results were. Teach them that it is okay to make mistakes – everyone makes them. Teach them to learn from mistakes and to correct them.

8. Make video shorts of yourself talking to your children. This idea does not dawn on many people, but making short 10 to 15 minute video snippets of you talking about various topics is a powerful tool that not only gives your children insights into your personality, but it creates a time capsule they can treasure forever. You can talk to your kids about: the proper way to shave your face; how you met their mother; your memories of your father and mother; how to date and be respectful; how to accept all people; etc.

9. Talk about relationships & drugs when appropriate. Once your children are in middle school, begin to talk to them about the opposite sex and relationships. Teach them to respect girls/boys and to be strong when faced with peer pressure. Explain to them that they will meet other kids who do not share your perspective on sex and drugs and that integrity means saying no to certain things and being strong enough to walk away. Once they are of dating age, explain what respect means and that being polite and cordial will win more hearts than being rude and pushy.

10. A father’s job is never done. The ages of 18 or 21 are not milestones to relinquish your role and duties as a father. In fact, some of the best memories between a father and his children take place after the kids become adults. Your advice and guidance will and should continue forever – up to and including the next role you obtain – that of grandfather.

Your kids depend on you to provide meaning to their lives throughout your life. Have fun and happy father’s day.