A Process of healing: Mindfulness style

Mindfulness has helped me time and again to be present and calm in my life during times of strife. These mindfulness awareness steps are adapted from my own experience with Buddhist psychology. Each phase is a phase of transformation and a phase of acceptance. A balance occurs through these phases by simply paying attention to what is occurring in the present moment. Jack Kornfield, a renowned Buddhist Psychologist, advocates for mindfulness through the integration of focus and investigation with concentration and tranquility in his dharma talk The Seven Factors of Enlightenment.

1. (Focus and Investigation) Recognizing the emotional/mental state or behavior: When an emotion or ruminating thoughts occur, the first step is becoming aware of what is occurring. Instead of following the scent of drama welled up in the emotions or thoughts, stop for a moment. What is actually happening right now? For example saying to myself, “I am feeling depressed about not being with him.” Is that the most honest answer? Is depression what I feel or is it a deep sense of loss? Truly asking myself, “What is this state I am feeling right now?” Then simply name the emotion or thought. For example: sadness, anger, thought about him/her.
2. (Concentration) Tending to the emotion/behavior through helpful tools: Helpful tools are those core positive coping mechanisms that assist in bringing peace to the mind and body.
   For example: mindful breathing, journalling, yoga, painting, biking etc.
   Most of our moments are filled with the not so positive tools of coping with life such as eating a carton of ice cream, driving recklessly through the mountains, or drinking a lot of wine. I chose rather unique examples because we each have our own ways of coping that are unique to the individual. We all know what is best for us and yet we continue to chose the seemingly “easier” option. Even so, this step is about honest concentration. Only you know the positive coping mechanisms that support you in your life. If you don’t, ask someone who might know and can give you a hint.
3. (Awareness) Listening, paying attention, and being present with the emotion/behavior exactly as it is-honestly in a non-judgmental way: Upon finding the root to the emotion, I listen and pay attention to my sensations in my body. I may say to myself “Okay, I am really sad right now. I feel really low about him leaving. My hands are shaking and my heart hurts.” Really being aware of what is occurring as if I am an eagle soaring above the situation. Then I may say to myself, “It is okay to be sad right now.”
   Once being present with the emotion occurs, then a space opens inside of us to recognize that the state or situation will not last. Saying to myself, an ancient Jewish line of wisdom, “This too shall pass.”
4. (Tranquility through Expression) Letting go/Releasing the emotion and eventually the situation: Releasing occurs in different ways. One way is being able to smile and laugh at the drama of the situation. Another is through crying, walking out the anger, or swinging on a swing. Ultimately the best way to release and let go of a pending emotion and situation is forgiveness. Yes, even Buddhists rely on forgiveness. Forgiveness in the form of self-forgiveness and also forgiving the other person/people involved. We all are only human and are doing the best we can in any given situation with what we have been given ourselves. Soygal Rinpoche (The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, HarperCollins Publications) writes about forgiveness as “Your feeling of being unforgiven and unforgivable is what makes you suffer so. But it only exists in your heart or mind.”
   One aspect of feeling an emotion is that sometimes we indulge and sob excessively or punch walls to allow catharsis to happen. Yet simply allowing the emotion to be as it is without indulging allows for a greater sense of peace to eventually enter.
5. Positive Reframe: Bringing in balance by allowing space to exist: This last step is extremely helpful. Once going through the previous steps, you can then reframe the situation in a positive light. For example, seeing the loss of a boyfriend/girlfriend as an opportunity. Yes an opportunity for another situation perhaps an even better situation to occur. By honestly experiencing a challenging emotion/behavior/situation as an opportunity, you are more capable of letting go and accepting your life as it is, fully in the present moment. In doing so, the fire and storm around the situation lessens. The grip on your part in the drama becomes more loose which allows space to enter. When space enters, there is now room for peace to enter into a situation previously thought of as detrimental, hysterical, or never ending. The reframe may not happen right away, however, keeping the reframe in mind is a helpful beginning.
    

I will give you an example of what happened to me and how I used the 5 steps  in my life this winter. One note to keep in mind is that these steps may not occur in sequence; however, they will occur more organically once you practice them in sequence. By practice, I simply mean being aware of the first step during a small incident for only a few moments. Practice the first step for a few days and then work up to the other steps. Or if you are the type that dives right into the deep end, go for all 5 steps! This mindfulness practice is about your needs and being honest about what you can do in your life right now!

At 2am in February 2009, my apartment caught fire underneath the kitchen floor boards. Fortunately for me, my neighbor woke me up and asked about the smoke pouring out of the vents under my apartment. During the event, I grabbed a few items including my guitar and sketchbook and left the building. I didn’t know what was going to happen after I called the fire department. Everything turned out okay as the fire department came in the nick of time while simultaneously cutting out my wall in the kitchen and hall closet.

The way I dealt with the incident was:

1. (Focus and Investigation) Recognizing the emotional and/or mental state or behavior: I immediately became aware of my fear about what was happening. I noticed that my hands were trembling and that I was speaking very quickly to my neighbors who also were evacuated.
2. (Concentration) Tending to the state/behavior through helpful tools: I immediately sought refuge at safe place at my neighbor’s apartment across the way and began alternating between sitting in silence and playing my guitar.
3. (Awareness) Accepting the state of being/behavior/situation exactly as it presents itself-honestly: I felt safe where I was located and more able to be calm while the event was occurring. In feeling safe I then was able to say to myself, “Wow this is a crazy thing happening. Wow, I am safe and feel numb.”
4. (Tranquility through Expression) Letting go and releasing the state and/or situation: The fire department informed me that a piece of dryer lint from the laundry room next to my apartment had caught fire in the vent below my kitchen floor. Once I found out the source, I relaxed and let go of the event by recognizing that it was out of my control. Thankfully the fire department arrived on time. I then relaxed a bit, drank some tea and played guitar. It took me a few days to feel safe again in my apartment, yet I continued to let go of the situation by witnessing the maintenance crew patching up the walls and taking care of the place. I forgave the apartment managers and the person that was doing laundry that evening.
5. (Balance) Positive Reframe: It wasn’t until the next day that I realized the potential danger I was in due to the smoke detectors not alarming me. That day I continued to play my guitar and took a walk by my apartment which I was not allowed to enter for 3 days due to smoke and fire damage. Because of some very challenging events in my life just prior to the fire, I decided that the fire metaphorically represented purification in my life. The fire was purifying me of items that were stored in my closet that I no longer needed.

I recognize that this may be an extreme example and yet it is very true. Even so, I realize that I have had a lot of practice with mindfulness. Through practicing even with seemingly little events and/or emotions, I was able to deal with a crisis in a calm way that surprised even my neighbors!

Please let me know what your views are on mindfulness and the steps listed.  I am curious about your experience with mindfulness! There will be more articles in the near future on this topic. Thank you for reading.

For More Information on Mindfulness:

Soygal Rinpoche

Buddhist Psychology

Mindfulness

Jon Kabat-Zinn