Although this sounds awful, many do not make any arrangements for death. No one really knows when you will die, but sometimes with breast cancer the oncologist will tell the patient “I will try everything I can, but you have a stage 4 and that cure might not happen.”
People have been know to survive a stage 4 breast cancer perhaps due to their positive attitude, and faith. In this situation you should make a list for your spouse of what to do in case of your demise. Then it doesn’t take them completely off guard.
This author made a list for things that should be in place in this situation, placed it in a folder and showed where it would be kept. Thinking ahead helps the surviving spouse more then you know.
Most women prefer to think of the cure instead of an uncertain death. This is of course an understandable attitude, but thinking a little ahead does help. Then concentrate on your cure.
In certain cases as time passes and the cancer advances there comes a point when you should consider your family and create that list. As difficult as it might be to consider your own death doing so before the end is more thoughtful for your family.
Everyone hopes they would never need arrangements any time soon, but if you work it out ahead of time (while you’re still feeling relatively good) the details of wills, power of attorney designation, DNR (do not resuscitate) orders, funeral arrangements, and practical matters, it is easier to focus on your health knowing that these structures are in place. There are several steps you can take to accomplish this.
Acceptance is first, and working toward that goal is important. Preparing for your death would be perhaps the greatest emotional and spiritual undertaking of your life so get assistance from your pastor, a social worker or psychologist. If you don’t have a pastor, minister or priest or counselor with whom you feel comfortable then most cancer centers or oncology wards have this assistance.
Many find this hard to talk about with family and friends but with the assistance of your health care team would make this easier. Your loved ones may resist the conversation, but be persistent or get help from a professional counselor to guide them through this process. It’s important that you discuss what will happen in your final phase of your illness.
You will have to choose a final place for your care. Hospice here in Buffalo, New York would be one place. Here is a link for contact with Hospice. Roswell Park Cancer Institute would be another. These are more difficult choices, but after all this is your life, and it should be your way.
Comments
Thank you for these details. It is wonderful that Hospice and other organizations are available to help when people need it.
We don' t like to think about death, but nobody gets out alive. This is practical advice for everyone.
Great article and information, Joyce. Thanks so much for sharing.
It is very hard to let someone go. My sister and I had to let our brother and father go off of life support. Both within 6 months of each other. Just awful, and you are never prepared.
Hi Joyce - hope this comment gets through - your comment on my article the other day disappeared. I replied back to you saying that anger is mis-directed creativity. Gives a ray of hope if we can release the anger.
This article you wrote today is very brave. Such a tender subject and your words are full of wisdom and insight. Bless you.
Thank you Kim, and I just re-read your article and re-posted and the comments came through. Examiner has more to work on. They must have zillions of writers too!
These are hard decissions, but must be thought of and worked on before it's too late. Thanks again.
This is very good advice
You have covered this tender subject with dignity and intelligence.Well done.
It takes great love to prepare your family for your death. Thoughtful article.
This has to be the most difficult decision to have to make but something that has to be done. You worded with so well. Your words and application can ease some of the tension out of planning ahead. Thanks for sharing.
Winona Cooking Examiner / Winona Home and Living Examiner
I have seen first hand, when a close friend of mine passed a couple of years ago. Hospice caregivers are the very best.. I highly recommmed them. Thanks for the great advise Joyce. Hugs Jan
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