Here are some great tips on your way to becoming “The Twalienator.” These are sure-fire tricks which also work in any new media. Get busy!
Advertise, advertise, advertise!!!
Get on Twitter and start sending out nothing but tweets to advertise your business. Send the same tweet over and over until you decide you’re bored and change it to another tweet that is just as impersonal. Bonus: Especially effective if you’re selling some financial service, get rich scheme, get-out-of-jail-free card, or disease cure.
Follow millions
Aggressively follow everyone under the sun regardless of their interests. You’ll be sure to be everybody’s favorite friend when they can see that you follow 1500 people, 1200 follow you back, and you’ve offered a grand total of four wonderful updates. Bonus: Make sure those four updates are obscure re-tweets of other posts.
Repurpose everything
Forward your tweets exclusively from some other content like direct from your blog or some feed somewhere. That way, you’ll get lots of repeating titles and verbiage making no sense whatsoever. Bonus: Make sure your profile link goes directly to a PDF sales page showing your incredible online income! Ka-ching!
Whine
Show up three or four times a week whining, “Where is everybody?” All the people who are blown away by the rich, diverse, amazing, hilarious, informative, generous content they’re reading will just love that you can’t seem to find anything or anybody of interest out of the XXX million people on Twitter.
You’re a star! Act like one!
Never, ever, ever highlight anyone else on Twitter. It’s best if you don’t even know who your followers are or who you are following. Following? Why would you do that? Just talk about yourself all the time. Don’t tell anyone about cool people you’re meeting or how helpful other people are. You don’t want to draw attention away from yourself, after all. Don’t worry about understanding #followfriday or hash marks in general.
Automate. Repeat.
Find one of those huge books of quotes and spend a weekend setting up endless tweets quoting all those great famous folks. Send them about every ten minutes. We all need a constant deluge of “wisdom” from people who aren’t on Twitter, aren’t in the blogosphere, can’t interact with us, and are dead to boot! Bonus: Be sure and keep the file, so you can just start those quotes over again. Recycling rocks!
Now that you know exactly how to make an ape of yourself (not that there's anything wrong with apes) in social media, just reverse all those effects and you'll do fine.
If you really want to understand what's happening on Twitter, and what it has to do with your brain, I've got something else for you. See below.
Suzanna Stinnett
Comments
Excellent!
the quote part is spot on, so annoying.
Ha ha; I like the endless stream of wisdom quotes point. I do read and like some of them, though!:) Just not the really common ones that everyone's heard a million times already. The "whine" comment is a good one, too.
Oh, and definitely check out Suzanna's article on "Twitter Inside Your Brain" - it's a great metaphor.
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