As a fervent believer in experiencing life to the fullest and not being scared to take chances, Carlin was an unashamed drinker (until he admitted himself into a rehabilitation center in 2004). And while we aren't here to celebrate alcoholism, it could be said that George Carlin was a phenomenal Drunken Intellectual in his own right. With his penchant for social and political commentary and his wry insight into the many facets of modern life, this cheeky bastard displayed a brash wisdom, revealing the inquisitive mind we Drunken Intellectuals hold dear. He will definitely be added, albeit posthumously, to the D.I. Hall of Fame.

So, I just wanted to take this moment to thank George for 40+ years of humor and catharsis. And to give a giant shout out to the man who made the profanity of every day life into the biggest joke of all. For that, I'll raise a glass any day of the week... If you have a minute, raise one yourself.

He would have wanted it that way.

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

OK, take a deep breath. Relax. Pick yourself off the floor and join me back here in a minute when you have collected yourself.

Alright, so now that your initial euphoria has passed, let me tell you exactly what this is all about. This Hall of Fame will not only feature the drunkest intellectuals (and the most intellectual drunks) in history, but will also highlight the finest beverages, drinking establishments, and alcoholically relevant cultural phenomena our world has ever known. It will serve to introduce the aspiring Drunken Intellectual to the greatest resources this movement has to offer... hopefully leading the drinker to discover the finer points of the arts, and reveal to the artist the lighter side of the drink. Not a bad day's work if you ask me...

Of course, there's no way for me to display the entirety of the Hall's contents here, so I will start with a brief introduction to some of the initial entrants into its soon-to-be-storied vaults. So here we go... the stars of the very first group of inductees into the Drunken Intellectual Hall of Fame:

PEOPLE

Ernest Hemingway: Probably the easiest choice for a human representative in this inaugural class, Ernest Hemingway was perhaps the ultimate Drunken Intellectual. His incredible writing, though some say chauvinistic, gave a distinctly American accent to literature in the first half of the 20th century. Plus he thoroughly espoused the hard-drinking, fast-living lifestyle he portrayed in his characters. Might I suggest A Clean, Well-Lighted Place as a brief introduction to Hemingway's style and attitudes toward drinking?  I think I shall...

Other Inductees: Charles Bukowski, Tennessee Williams, Edgar Allen Poe

DRINKS

Guinness: What better initial selection could there be in this category than the elixir-of-choice of the greatest drinking civilization in the modern world? The dark, brilliantly creamy goodness of this fine Irish beer is a complement to any meal... or is a meal by itself on the right evening. This being summer, my personal Guinness consumption will be declining, but it still ranks up there with the most famed of beverages world-wide. Give me a pint and a good live band and I'll be happy any day of the week.

Other Booze: Jack Daniels, the Bloody Mary, the Martini, Heineken

PLACES

Pat O'Brien's Bar: Again, this one is a no-brainer. This world famous watering hole in the midst of the drinking-est city in the nation (that would be New Orleans, of course) claims to sell more alcohol per customer than any other bar in the U.S. Having been there on many an occasion and witnessed (and often participated in) the amazing display of imbibery that occurs around that flaming fountain in the courtyard, I believe it. A couple Hurricanes later and you'll be a convert as well. See you there in three weeks!

Other Locations: Whisky a Go Go, Harry's New York Bar in Paris, Dublin

So there we are. An inaugural class worthy of Drunken Intellectual celebration. Obviously, there are many more people, places and drinks that will be enshrined in these hallowed halls before I retire. Do you have any suggestions for me? A favorite alcoholic writer or a great work of drunken art perhaps? Let me know what you think, and I will let you know when I have created my Hall of Fame website for all to visit. Until that day...

Keep it real.

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

But a close second is the city's ability to stuff a large number of drinking establishments in a small area, and the city's residents ability to support them all comfortably. Neighborhoods like Fells Point, Canton, Federal Hill and Mt. Vernon all have nice little groupings of bars and clubs for people with a variety of festive needs. And for the residents of these areas, you have a choice of which watering hole from which to stumble home at the end of the night. In my opinion, however, there is no better way to take advantage of this arrangement than the time-honored drinking tradition: the Crawl. Whether you call it a Bar Crawl, a Pub Crawl, bar-hopping, whatever... it simply means taking the time to enjoy many different locations for your beverage needs in one glorious evening. It could be an organized, scheduled event, including most of the neighborhood bars (such as the Clipper City Bar Crawl) and offering drink specials at each stop... or a spontaneous adventure with no timetable, no planned stops, and no clue of what will happen at the end of the night.

What happened to me on Saturday was something... in between?

This Saturday, at 1:00 PM, I reported for duty to Federal Hill, where several enterprising friends had arranged their own pub crawl, complete with scheduled bars, drink specials, and even commemorative cups. What followed was a gradually snowballing conglomeration of brilliant, beautiful chaos and drunkenness that would leave us all wondering... what the hell happened?  But you don't get to hear all those stories... I'm just here to tell you about the bars. Details are inconsequential.

• The Stalking Horse - 1:00 PM - A great place to start, although considering it was just after noon and there were only four other customers in the bar, we probably could have gone anywhere and had it to ourselves. Still, the beer specials were excellent ($2.25 for good draft beer) and the video jukebox was a nice touch (if a little pricey) especially since I got to rickroll the entire party... I would suggest this as a good happy hour alternative for those living in the Hill.
• Ryleigh's Pub - 1:45 PM - Here, there was only one real drink special, but it was a good one... the $5 crush. If you're not sure what a crush is, it's basically vodka, triple sec and fruit juice served over crushed ice. I had the Passion Fruit variety. Delicious! Shame it was offset by the other special, the $6 burger, which was wonderfully large, but sadly cooked exactly the same (medium well) no matter what temperature you ordered it.  I tend toward the mid-rare, which explains why my burger came last.  Huh?
• No Way Jose - 3:15 PM - After the time-consuming, food-consuming stop at Ryleigh's, it was nice to escape to an establishment more dedicated to enabling our drunkenness. With their $3 margaritas and mexican beers, this place allowed our party to begin approaching the unbridled enjoyment of the later hours. I did run into some other friends here from back in Canton, but for the most part, it was still just our group of thirty-or-so random drinkers. Which is lucky, because the bar is small... but comfy.  Worth an evening, if it's not too crowded. Otherwise, I'd find some place a little more roomy.
• Mother's - 4:30 PM - This has always been one of my favorite little places in Federal Hill. I've been here dozens of times since I moved to Baltimore, and have always enjoyed the food and the atmosphere. It doesn't hurt that the establishment appears to have a great affinity for New Orleans, my hometown. However, this was my first time experiencing the new "Mother's on the Alley" expansion. I have to say I was sufficiently impressed. This addition to the back-end of Mother's presents a much more open, bar-specific atmosphere, complete with pool tables. And they have Abita beer, about which I have gushed in the past. Definitely an improvement of an already excellent product.
• Crazy Lil's - 6:00 PM - So this was supposed to happen at 5:00 PM. However, I can't say it was easy to drag everyone to this little nook on Cross St., but we managed to make the move... eventually. Some other friends met up there at this point, just in time to take advantage of the $3 Irish Car Bombs. This somehow became a challenge, as some of my friends decided one was just not enough... Either way, despite the small stature of the bar, and the narrow entryway, a good time was had by all. I should say, however, that by this point, the crowd was starting to rise to more acceptable evening levels.  Not that this is always good in a confined space, but that's the way it is.

From that point on... well, you'll just have to ask me in person. There are some appropriately embarrassing pictures which I hope will never become public, despite their stark honesty. And while some may state that leaving a credit card at the bar is a sure sign of impaired judgement, I say that leaving TWO cards at two DIFFERENT bars only proves that you were simply enjoying the moment so much that your priorities were in a different place. And once this place, this high peak, this zenith of aspiration, is reached... well, there are few greater experiences in a (relatively) young man's life. Until you have to borrow cash for the cab ride home, and spend the next two days recovering your credit cards from random bars in Federal Hill...

So, I have no idea if this was the least bit informative. But I feel we've grown closer... I've shared a little... you've opened your mind to my way of thinking. Or you've at least managed to stumble your way through another episode of the Drunken Intellectual's musings on a different lifestyle. And if you were there at some point during the festivities, I'm glad to have shared this time with you. If you were there at the end of the night, well... I hope I didn't offend you in some way.

And please, let's keep the pictures to a minimum. Is that too much to ask?  Thank you very much.

Mark Burlet,
Drunken Intellectual

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself.  My name is Mark.  I am a 30-something self-described “drunken intellectual” living and celebrating life in Baltimore City.  I love the nightlife… I like to boogie, and all that.  And I have had the pleasure to enjoy the nightlife, and to boogie, all over this town for many a year.  Oh, and in case you were wondering, I also like reading, independent film and New Orleans in Autumn…

But this blog is not about me.  This is about sharing my experiences and observations of the many excellent beverages and drinking establishments this town has to offer.  In other words, we will be talking about booze and bars, and all the many things that go on in bars.  We will be talking about college sports and beer pong, fine wine and cheap beer, outdoor smoking and indoor puking.  There will be discussions about trivia nights, steak nights, salsa nights and, of course, karaoke nights.  But mostly, we will be concentrating on the finer points of the alcohol beverage and the joy it can bring.  Hopefully we can all learn a thing or two.

But let me add a disclaimer or two as well: I do not intend that you take anything I say seriously, much less as the “one true word”… no matter how strongly I declare it.  And every now and then, I will stray off topic, because that’s just how I roll.  But if you have a sense of humor and half a brain, you’ll understand where I’m coming from.  So here’s looking forward to a long, healthy relationship (assuming you can call any relationship based on the consumption of alcohol “healthy”).  Hopefully I will be seeing you here often… which would make you a “regular” as they say in barspeak.

So come on in and take a seat…

Mark, the Drunken Intellectual