Yes, Pirates 3 is 6th on the list of top grossing movies of all time. And rounding out the top 50 is that instant classic, Bruce Almighty, just ahead of some little movie called Raiders of the Lost Ark.

The horror... the horror...

However, some of the most amazing places remain under appreciated, the most amazing movies relatively unseen. I mean, did anyone actually see that great Irish indie flick, Once, which actually won the Oscar for Best Song? Or how many of you have eaten at Peter's Inn... one of my personal favorite hole-in-the-wall fine dining establishments here in Baltimore, if there really is such a thing? These are just a few of many excellent examples of things that may be overlooked in the rush to follow the highest number of people, or possibly in fear of the unknown. One of my personal favorite examples, however, lies hidden in plain sight... on the corner of Linwood and O'Donnell on Canton's O'Donnell Square. I'm talking about Speakeasy Saloon and Dining House.

Fans of the Square, and residents of Canton, probably already know about the bar. But it sometimes seems like few go out of their way to patronize the place, or even realize that its restaurant serves some of the most consistently delicious food in Canton, if not all of Baltimore. Yes, the bar is a little small, and can get crowded quickly on a weekend night, but rare are the nights when I look forward to being one of a thousand random numbers in the eyes of my bartender. I like being able to walk in on a quiet Thursday night and still find a spot at the bar, where I can order a tall, cool vodka and tonic, or a nice glass of Malbec. If that's not for you, there's still the bigger, louder places like Claddagh or Coburn's which would love to have you.  And while I'm as big a fan of skating around on bathroom floors in a pool of vomit as the next guy, there are sometimes, such as when I'm wearing flip-flops, that I prefer to avoid that...

 So for my part, I'll stick with Speakeasy... especially if we're talking about somewhere to grab a nice meal in Canton. It's definitely a boon to live in a neighborhood with such a large number of dining establishments to choose from. But my default, when I want something more classy than a giant, gut-busting quesadilla from Nacho Mama's, is the Speakeasy. They've got some of the best seafood in the area (with the crab cake a special treat), and for a city like Baltimore which prides itself on crabs and other fruits de mer, that is no idle compliment. But that doesn't mean the other dishes suffer in comparison. Just try the lamb chops... or the recurring special, Filet Neptune, topped with shrimp, scallops and crab meat and you'll see what I mean. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it... especially since I'm sitting across the street at the Canton Daily Grind as I write this. Maybe I'll swing in and talk to Bill, show him the review and see what I can get for it... gotta be worth at least one free meal, right? ;)

And that brings me to probably my favorite thing about this place... or any place I name a favorite for that matter... which is the personal touch that goes into their service. The owners, brothers Bill and Gus, are always hanging around, making sure everything goes well. The bartenders, many of whom know me by name (is it wrong to admit that?) are excellent and attentive, as is the wait staff. And the chef makes his appearance from time to time, just to greet a regular customer who can't get enough of the damned fine food he dispenses from the kitchen. Not sure I can really ask for more from a neighborhood bar and restaurant three blocks from my house...

So there you have it. Another completely unbiased review and suggestion from the Drunken Intellectual. Feel free to swing by and say hi sometime if you're in the Canton area. But don't be surprised if I'm not there... I do occasionally spend nights at home you know...

Just kidding.  I'll see you there later this week!

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

However, this is not a confession, nor a revelation of some horrible condition I feel I should hide from polite society. No... there is no shame in this admission. I say this because there are many people out there who might disparage my lifestyle. But they should realize...

There is much worse out there.

That's right. I'm talking about liars. Deceivers. Cheaters, even. I'm not even talking about the New England Patriots, but rather those most despised of villains... those who would overcharge for beer. The scurrilous few who would attempt to dupe the drinking public for a profit.

This is a tale of such people.

Not the falsies you were expecting?

The tale begins with a pair of intrepid beer drinkers in the San Francisco area. Upon being delivered two frosty "pints" of suds at a national chain eatery, they noticed that the glass bottom was thicker on one... and, upon comparison, they discovered that one held less liquid than the other. Apparently, the bar had replaced their normal 16 ounce pint glasses with 14 ounce glasses the same height and width, simply by purchasing glasses with a thicker base. These newfangled glasses, referred to as "falsies" by some, are a recent trend started by bar owners to save a little money on beer. Now, I know we're all having to switch things up a bit to make ends meet, so if you want to raise prices on beer, I understand. Just don't tell me 14 ounces is a pint... and don't attempt some tomfoolery by serving it to me in a doctored glass.

I have started to hear more news about this lately... as this story from the Baltimore Sun demonstrates... but it does not deter me from shouting it further on my own. So keep your eyes open, fellow beer lovers, and let us all know if and when you come across this scourge of serving in our fair city. I, for one, will not stand for it...

Keep the faith, my friends! 

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

OK, take a deep breath. Relax. Pick yourself off the floor and join me back here in a minute when you have collected yourself.

Alright, so now that your initial euphoria has passed, let me tell you exactly what this is all about. This Hall of Fame will not only feature the drunkest intellectuals (and the most intellectual drunks) in history, but will also highlight the finest beverages, drinking establishments, and alcoholically relevant cultural phenomena our world has ever known. It will serve to introduce the aspiring Drunken Intellectual to the greatest resources this movement has to offer... hopefully leading the drinker to discover the finer points of the arts, and reveal to the artist the lighter side of the drink. Not a bad day's work if you ask me...

Of course, there's no way for me to display the entirety of the Hall's contents here, so I will start with a brief introduction to some of the initial entrants into its soon-to-be-storied vaults. So here we go... the stars of the very first group of inductees into the Drunken Intellectual Hall of Fame:

PEOPLE

Ernest Hemingway: Probably the easiest choice for a human representative in this inaugural class, Ernest Hemingway was perhaps the ultimate Drunken Intellectual. His incredible writing, though some say chauvinistic, gave a distinctly American accent to literature in the first half of the 20th century. Plus he thoroughly espoused the hard-drinking, fast-living lifestyle he portrayed in his characters. Might I suggest A Clean, Well-Lighted Place as a brief introduction to Hemingway's style and attitudes toward drinking?  I think I shall...

Other Inductees: Charles Bukowski, Tennessee Williams, Edgar Allen Poe

DRINKS

Guinness: What better initial selection could there be in this category than the elixir-of-choice of the greatest drinking civilization in the modern world? The dark, brilliantly creamy goodness of this fine Irish beer is a complement to any meal... or is a meal by itself on the right evening. This being summer, my personal Guinness consumption will be declining, but it still ranks up there with the most famed of beverages world-wide. Give me a pint and a good live band and I'll be happy any day of the week.

Other Booze: Jack Daniels, the Bloody Mary, the Martini, Heineken

PLACES

Pat O'Brien's Bar: Again, this one is a no-brainer. This world famous watering hole in the midst of the drinking-est city in the nation (that would be New Orleans, of course) claims to sell more alcohol per customer than any other bar in the U.S. Having been there on many an occasion and witnessed (and often participated in) the amazing display of imbibery that occurs around that flaming fountain in the courtyard, I believe it. A couple Hurricanes later and you'll be a convert as well. See you there in three weeks!

Other Locations: Whisky a Go Go, Harry's New York Bar in Paris, Dublin

So there we are. An inaugural class worthy of Drunken Intellectual celebration. Obviously, there are many more people, places and drinks that will be enshrined in these hallowed halls before I retire. Do you have any suggestions for me? A favorite alcoholic writer or a great work of drunken art perhaps? Let me know what you think, and I will let you know when I have created my Hall of Fame website for all to visit. Until that day...

Keep it real.

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

Yeah, me neither. But if I had, I'm sure it would have felt something like what I experienced walking into The Laughing Pint recently. Of course, in the real-life version, I was taken aback when owner/bartender Shannon remembered me (or, more accurately, the odd-ball group of friends with which I used to frequent the place), and noted my prolonged absence from her establishment. I came up with the usual list of excuses, none of which seemed to hold water, so I simply apologized, took a seat at the bar for a pint of Clipper City and planned my revenge... I mean, reacquaintance. Sadly, my good friend Lauren, the local who brought me back to the Pint, has recently moved on as well.  Looks like I'm on my own this time.

However, it wasn't long before Beth, another bar-goddess, was introducing me to some of the other regulars... including Lotta, who happens to be the first person I know to discover this pub when it first opened almost two years ago. After catching up with her a bit on some mutual friends, I quickly felt I was home...

So much so that when my sister came in town from New Orleans last week, this was the first place I brought her, remarking how it reminded me of a neighborhood bar in Mid-city back home. My observations were confirmed when, upon arriving, we quickly found four more native New Orleanians in the Friday night crowd of 20 or 30 patrons. Pretty good ratio, if you ask me.

But I should say, you don't have to be me, or even be from New Orleans, to enjoy this place. There's something for everyone, really. The back of the bar offers pool, shuffleboard and arcade games. The front booths host a collection of boardgames for those who need further entertaining... just try playing Scrabble or Taboo while drunk. The musical offerings from Shannon's personal collection of tunes are top-notch, especially for fans of 90's rock. And the there's even a courtyard out back for you dedicated smokers out there. But what it boils down to is that the staff is friendly, the drinks are well-made (try a fresh-squeezed Greyhound) and the crowd is warm and welcoming. 

So while it may seem to be a bit out-of-the-way from the usual crowded Canton or Fed Hill bars, that's all the more appealing in my book. And the Highlandtown locals have really taken to the place as a haven of refuge from the rougher areas of the neighborhood... I've even witnessed several using the bar as a forum to discuss the issues. Not just an escape from the troubles of daily life, the Laughing Pint has become... to many of these people, including the crusading owner Shannon... a rallying point for neighborhood improvement. Not bad for a little bar on the corner of Gough and Conkling, eh?

I'd have to agree with the growing consensus that the Pint is "The Nicest Little Bar in Baltimore!"

Maybe I'll see you out there sometime?

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

But a close second is the city's ability to stuff a large number of drinking establishments in a small area, and the city's residents ability to support them all comfortably. Neighborhoods like Fells Point, Canton, Federal Hill and Mt. Vernon all have nice little groupings of bars and clubs for people with a variety of festive needs. And for the residents of these areas, you have a choice of which watering hole from which to stumble home at the end of the night. In my opinion, however, there is no better way to take advantage of this arrangement than the time-honored drinking tradition: the Crawl. Whether you call it a Bar Crawl, a Pub Crawl, bar-hopping, whatever... it simply means taking the time to enjoy many different locations for your beverage needs in one glorious evening. It could be an organized, scheduled event, including most of the neighborhood bars (such as the Clipper City Bar Crawl) and offering drink specials at each stop... or a spontaneous adventure with no timetable, no planned stops, and no clue of what will happen at the end of the night.

What happened to me on Saturday was something... in between?

This Saturday, at 1:00 PM, I reported for duty to Federal Hill, where several enterprising friends had arranged their own pub crawl, complete with scheduled bars, drink specials, and even commemorative cups. What followed was a gradually snowballing conglomeration of brilliant, beautiful chaos and drunkenness that would leave us all wondering... what the hell happened?  But you don't get to hear all those stories... I'm just here to tell you about the bars. Details are inconsequential.

• The Stalking Horse - 1:00 PM - A great place to start, although considering it was just after noon and there were only four other customers in the bar, we probably could have gone anywhere and had it to ourselves. Still, the beer specials were excellent ($2.25 for good draft beer) and the video jukebox was a nice touch (if a little pricey) especially since I got to rickroll the entire party... I would suggest this as a good happy hour alternative for those living in the Hill.
• Ryleigh's Pub - 1:45 PM - Here, there was only one real drink special, but it was a good one... the $5 crush. If you're not sure what a crush is, it's basically vodka, triple sec and fruit juice served over crushed ice. I had the Passion Fruit variety. Delicious! Shame it was offset by the other special, the $6 burger, which was wonderfully large, but sadly cooked exactly the same (medium well) no matter what temperature you ordered it.  I tend toward the mid-rare, which explains why my burger came last.  Huh?
• No Way Jose - 3:15 PM - After the time-consuming, food-consuming stop at Ryleigh's, it was nice to escape to an establishment more dedicated to enabling our drunkenness. With their $3 margaritas and mexican beers, this place allowed our party to begin approaching the unbridled enjoyment of the later hours. I did run into some other friends here from back in Canton, but for the most part, it was still just our group of thirty-or-so random drinkers. Which is lucky, because the bar is small... but comfy.  Worth an evening, if it's not too crowded. Otherwise, I'd find some place a little more roomy.
• Mother's - 4:30 PM - This has always been one of my favorite little places in Federal Hill. I've been here dozens of times since I moved to Baltimore, and have always enjoyed the food and the atmosphere. It doesn't hurt that the establishment appears to have a great affinity for New Orleans, my hometown. However, this was my first time experiencing the new "Mother's on the Alley" expansion. I have to say I was sufficiently impressed. This addition to the back-end of Mother's presents a much more open, bar-specific atmosphere, complete with pool tables. And they have Abita beer, about which I have gushed in the past. Definitely an improvement of an already excellent product.
• Crazy Lil's - 6:00 PM - So this was supposed to happen at 5:00 PM. However, I can't say it was easy to drag everyone to this little nook on Cross St., but we managed to make the move... eventually. Some other friends met up there at this point, just in time to take advantage of the $3 Irish Car Bombs. This somehow became a challenge, as some of my friends decided one was just not enough... Either way, despite the small stature of the bar, and the narrow entryway, a good time was had by all. I should say, however, that by this point, the crowd was starting to rise to more acceptable evening levels.  Not that this is always good in a confined space, but that's the way it is.

From that point on... well, you'll just have to ask me in person. There are some appropriately embarrassing pictures which I hope will never become public, despite their stark honesty. And while some may state that leaving a credit card at the bar is a sure sign of impaired judgement, I say that leaving TWO cards at two DIFFERENT bars only proves that you were simply enjoying the moment so much that your priorities were in a different place. And once this place, this high peak, this zenith of aspiration, is reached... well, there are few greater experiences in a (relatively) young man's life. Until you have to borrow cash for the cab ride home, and spend the next two days recovering your credit cards from random bars in Federal Hill...

So, I have no idea if this was the least bit informative. But I feel we've grown closer... I've shared a little... you've opened your mind to my way of thinking. Or you've at least managed to stumble your way through another episode of the Drunken Intellectual's musings on a different lifestyle. And if you were there at some point during the festivities, I'm glad to have shared this time with you. If you were there at the end of the night, well... I hope I didn't offend you in some way.

And please, let's keep the pictures to a minimum. Is that too much to ask?  Thank you very much.

Mark Burlet,
Drunken Intellectual

• Helen's Garden - The first place I choose to visit in my 'hood, Helen's Garden offers an excellent selection, with a friendly staff and a legion of regulars. Plus their wine happy hour at the bar is a great way to try a variety wines with little risk. Oh, and the food's delicious too... always helps to have a friend who's a chef. ;)
• Chesapeake Wine Company - This is less a restaurant, and more a wine shop, but don't let that dissuade you. There are many good wines here, with excellent descriptions accompanying each bottle. And feel free to grab a table or a seat at the bar for some wine by the glass and a light meal of hors d'oeuvres and the like. And no, I didn't have to spell-check that word, either...
• Grand Cru - Located in Belvedere Square, near the historic Senator Theatre, this place offers a nice array of wines and a palate-pleasing menu of appetizing fare, all in an upscale setting with pub-level prices. I'm partial to the cheese plate, but I could say that about any of these places. I freakin' love cheese.
• The Wine Market - Don't let the name fool you... in my eyes, this is an exceptional restaurant with a wine bar thrown in as a bonus. In addition, the wine shop is phenomenally well-stocked, so you don't have to leave and never taste that amazing Malbec again. Definitely a favorite, this South Baltimore gem is well equipped to make any occasion that much more special. (That means it's good for dates.)
• Tapas Teatro - Now this is what movie-going is all about. I look forward to those Saturday evenings in the summer, enjoying a glass of sweet, sweet Riesling and a plate of tapas at an outdoor table before heading into the Charles Theatre next door to catch the latest indie flick. And maybe we can swing back afterwards for a glass at the bar to talk about the movie? Sounds good to me...

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself.  My name is Mark.  I am a 30-something self-described “drunken intellectual” living and celebrating life in Baltimore City.  I love the nightlife… I like to boogie, and all that.  And I have had the pleasure to enjoy the nightlife, and to boogie, all over this town for many a year.  Oh, and in case you were wondering, I also like reading, independent film and New Orleans in Autumn…

But this blog is not about me.  This is about sharing my experiences and observations of the many excellent beverages and drinking establishments this town has to offer.  In other words, we will be talking about booze and bars, and all the many things that go on in bars.  We will be talking about college sports and beer pong, fine wine and cheap beer, outdoor smoking and indoor puking.  There will be discussions about trivia nights, steak nights, salsa nights and, of course, karaoke nights.  But mostly, we will be concentrating on the finer points of the alcohol beverage and the joy it can bring.  Hopefully we can all learn a thing or two.

But let me add a disclaimer or two as well: I do not intend that you take anything I say seriously, much less as the “one true word”… no matter how strongly I declare it.  And every now and then, I will stray off topic, because that’s just how I roll.  But if you have a sense of humor and half a brain, you’ll understand where I’m coming from.  So here’s looking forward to a long, healthy relationship (assuming you can call any relationship based on the consumption of alcohol “healthy”).  Hopefully I will be seeing you here often… which would make you a “regular” as they say in barspeak.

So come on in and take a seat…

Mark, the Drunken Intellectual