Still, it seems like every winter here in Baltimore, you hear people bitching and moaning about how global warming has been disproven and how this godforsaken chill will never leave their bones. And when April and May swing around and we're still slowly defrosting, I don't hear anything but longing for the dog days of summer. Guess we should be careful what we wish for...

Either way, I can't blame the good people of Baltimore for the erratic weather here. But there's not a whole lot I can do to help, either. I can't turn my little window unit A/C around and affect the climate. I can't give you all a Coke and a smile. And I definitely can't take everyone to the waterpark this weekend, as much as I'd like to... maybe in August, kids, when Daddy can get a freakin' weekend off and doesn't have to worry about his boss breathing down his neck, or the damned mortgage that's about to go up in ARMs and ruin his and Mommy's "cuddle time"...

But I digress.

Plus, I hardly ever work weekends, I don't even have a mortgage and there's definitely no "Mommy" around. And what the hell is "cuddle time", anyway? Sorry about that... sometimes the medication wears off and things get a little fuzzy... Anyway, let's get back to the point.

So, if I'm trying to help everyone stay cool here, the one power I do have is the ability to suggest several frosty beverages to take the sweat out of the air. To that end, here are a few inventively tasty ideas that can really drop the temperature a few degrees and hopefully keep everyone's mouth occupied just long enough to interrupt the constant complaining about the heat. Seriously people, it's not that bad... give it a rest.

• The Bushwacker - Think a Pina Colada (minus the pineapple) with Kahlua and vanilla ice cream added. Ridiculously sweet and creamy, this is one of the first frozen drinks I experienced as a teenager on a trip to the Sandshaker in Pensacola, FL. Definitely a nostalgic favorite.
• Midori Margarita - Not that I've got anything against the traditional margarita... obviously a classic... but if you want something to help kill the sour bite of the lime juice, add a bit of Midori melon liqueur and give that a shot. Frozen or rocks, it'll do the trick all the same.
• The Hurricane - A tradition down in New Orleans, especially during the sweltering months of hurricane season, this aptly named beverage makes any ridiculously muggy evening a little more manageable. At least until you're finished... then watch out!
• Orange Crush - This is a personal summer favorite. Nice and light and crisp, these are best when served with fresh-squeezed orange juice and crushed ice (hence the name). Use an orange-flavored vodka if you're really into the fruity taste.
• The Mojito - Quite a popular drink these days, it's still hard to find a bartender that makes 'em right. Maybe if we got that guy from the Bacardi commercial to give lessons... Although you can always find a good one at Little Havana, or on those nights when Jaime from JD's is mixing things up.
• The Ice Pick - This is another refreshing vodka drink that's rapidly becoming a hit with the masses. Many people try a flavored vodka to give it a little more pizazz... One bartender of mine suggested mixing in some lemonade to take it up a notch. Might have to try that next time.

Well, I have to say that a couple Orange Crushes into this article, I feel pretty darned good about it. I am aware that there are plenty other cooling beverages out there that everyone knows about... such as the Pina Colada or the Daiquiri (a little generic, but still a necessity to any bartender's repetoire)... which I have glossed over. But I am here to inform and educate... maybe introduce a thing or two you haven't tried yet. So if you find yourself hot and sweaty this summer... and I mean from the heat outside (perverts!)... and in need of a chill, go ahead and order one of these. Preferably not in one of these giant plastic cups on the right, but hey man... take what you can get.

I will never judge you for your drinking container... only what's inside it.

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual 

However, this is not a confession, nor a revelation of some horrible condition I feel I should hide from polite society. No... there is no shame in this admission. I say this because there are many people out there who might disparage my lifestyle. But they should realize...

There is much worse out there.

That's right. I'm talking about liars. Deceivers. Cheaters, even. I'm not even talking about the New England Patriots, but rather those most despised of villains... those who would overcharge for beer. The scurrilous few who would attempt to dupe the drinking public for a profit.

This is a tale of such people.

Not the falsies you were expecting?

The tale begins with a pair of intrepid beer drinkers in the San Francisco area. Upon being delivered two frosty "pints" of suds at a national chain eatery, they noticed that the glass bottom was thicker on one... and, upon comparison, they discovered that one held less liquid than the other. Apparently, the bar had replaced their normal 16 ounce pint glasses with 14 ounce glasses the same height and width, simply by purchasing glasses with a thicker base. These newfangled glasses, referred to as "falsies" by some, are a recent trend started by bar owners to save a little money on beer. Now, I know we're all having to switch things up a bit to make ends meet, so if you want to raise prices on beer, I understand. Just don't tell me 14 ounces is a pint... and don't attempt some tomfoolery by serving it to me in a doctored glass.

I have started to hear more news about this lately... as this story from the Baltimore Sun demonstrates... but it does not deter me from shouting it further on my own. So keep your eyes open, fellow beer lovers, and let us all know if and when you come across this scourge of serving in our fair city. I, for one, will not stand for it...

Keep the faith, my friends! 

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

Beer on the beach? So crazy it just might work... 

Your favorite person in the world (that's me) has returned from a week-long exile at one of the nation's largest gatherings of geek-hood, held this year in Orlando. While I won't go into details about my time down there (to spare you from boredom... not because anything "What happens in Vegas"-like occurred down there), I did happen to notice a strange phenomenon...

It was H-O-T!

And looking at the Weather Channel's website, I noticed it wasn't only in the South. Seeing that Baltimore and Orlando each fired up to 99 degrees on the same day was enough for me to (briefly) think myself lucky for being stuck in the air-conditioned expanse of the Orange County Convention Center for 12 hours a day. This combination of over-working and ridiculous heat got me to thinking... or rather to drinking... about good summer beers. So in those rare moments I wasn't working, or attending work-related events, I managed to sample the occasional Blue Moon or Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat. These are two of many lighter, crisper beverages that help slake the estival thirst. What my parents would refer to... back on those steamy New Orleans Saturdays, standing in front of the family homebrew supply store, brewing up a hoppy golden lager for the customers... as a "lawnmower beer", i.e. a beer you'd enjoy drinking to cool off after (or while) mowing the lawn on a sunny day, in case you didn't make that connection.

But I was thirsting, quite literally, for something more. Something different. So when Men's Style Examiner, Stile E. Coyote, approached several fellow Examiners about posting a list of the finest summer brews, I was intrigued. His choices definitely make for a tasty collection of refreshing beers. And with his mouthwatering descriptions and the running commentary from National Beer Examiner and homebrewing celebrity Charlie Papazian, you can definitely get an idea of what you're drinking ahead of time. In response, I have concocted this selection of some of my personal faves. Feel free to rant and rave about those you hate, or complain loudly that your favorite was omitted. But if you haven't tried any of these, make an effort to do so... you may just be pleasantly surprised, and refreshed. Here we go...

The Drunken Intellectual's Summer Beer Recommendations

Heavy Seas Loose Cannon: A local favorite, made by the guys at Clipper City here in Baltimore, this is a great hoppy brew with a big, crisp, citrusy taste that really cools you off without boring the palate. Great in the bottle, but if you can find it on tap... never leave that bar.

Hoegaarden: This is a typical thirst-quenching witbier in the Belgian style, made by some good folks in Belgium, no less. Not as hoppy as it could be, but definitely a light, refreshing beer.  A great "first beer", for coming out of the sun, that won't overpower the senses as you gulp it down.

Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA: This is one of an outstanding line of IPA's from the Dogfish Head brewery in nearby Delaware. I find there are hops-a-plenty in this one, but you hop-heads give the 90 Minute and 120 Minute (and the harder to find 75 Minute) IPA's a shot. Dangerous.

Blue Moon: Not my absolute favorite, but it's always a good summer default. Brewed (surreptitiously) by Coors, it is easy to find, even at the least craft-beer-friendly bars. Use a slice of orange to enhance the orange flavor (and color) that pervades this light wheat brew.

Saison de Brooklyn: Definitely my favorite of the many quality brews offered by the Brooklyn Brewery. Has that honey-banana-clove thing going on that many Belgian-style brews tend to overdo, but this one gets just right... Hard to find these days, so if you get your hands on some, let me know!

Abita Amber: I wouldn't be a good New Orleans boy if I didn't include an Abita on my list. That said, others may question my choice of a Märzen-style brew for the summer, instead preferring the Purple Haze, but this one is good anytime. And unlike my favorite winter Abita, Turbodog, it has a light mouthfeel (for the style) that belies its caramel coloring. Always have a few in my fridge.

Otter Creek ESB: I'm always up for a good pint of English bitters, even if it comes from Vermont. And I especially love them on tap in the summer months. Bottles are fine, but the flavor really seems to come out in the pour with a tall, fat glass. Some nice hops and a balanced bitterness makes this one Extra Special. (Sorry!)

Tröegs Hopback Amber Ale: This is another darker choice, but still with a clean, crisp texture and a nice hoppy bite at the finish. Definitely a smooth-drinking brew perfect for those with an aversion to the lighter beers. Whatever your preference, Tröegs just always seems to get it right...

Brewer's Art Ozzy Ale: So this is definitely a shout out to my Baltimore peeps. Not sure if this is available anywhere other than on tap at the Brewer's Art pub, but it's definitely a more summer-friendly brew than the more popular and widely available, yet still ridiculously good, Resurrection. With a smooth, dry feel, this beautiful golden beer goes down a bit too easily... although the Belgian Strong Ale characteristics (namely, the 7.25% abv) advise one to drink slowly.

Magic Hat Odd Notion: A well-known brewery, but not a very well-known beer, sadly. Discovered on tap at one of my favorite bars (JD's Smokehouse), it quickly became my pre- (and post-) softball favorite. As I do prefer a little darker beer at times, this reddish-brown ale is no surprise, but it definitely lives up to the name, not really fitting perfectly into any one category. It may be a little sweet for some, but the hoppiness balances it well in my mind... and more importantly, my mouth.

So thats where I'll draw the line for now.  There are surely more "traditional" summer ales, like the Sam Adams or Sierra Nevada offerings, that aren't on this list, but I like a little variety in my drinking, no matter the season. I can even pull off a Guinness every now and then on a cool-ish summer evening. But no matter if I'm drinking in a breezy palapa bar on the coast of Mexico or at a resort on the beach in 95 degree weather, I'll still be staying away from the Corona...

Thank you very much!

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

OK, take a deep breath. Relax. Pick yourself off the floor and join me back here in a minute when you have collected yourself.

Alright, so now that your initial euphoria has passed, let me tell you exactly what this is all about. This Hall of Fame will not only feature the drunkest intellectuals (and the most intellectual drunks) in history, but will also highlight the finest beverages, drinking establishments, and alcoholically relevant cultural phenomena our world has ever known. It will serve to introduce the aspiring Drunken Intellectual to the greatest resources this movement has to offer... hopefully leading the drinker to discover the finer points of the arts, and reveal to the artist the lighter side of the drink. Not a bad day's work if you ask me...

Of course, there's no way for me to display the entirety of the Hall's contents here, so I will start with a brief introduction to some of the initial entrants into its soon-to-be-storied vaults. So here we go... the stars of the very first group of inductees into the Drunken Intellectual Hall of Fame:

PEOPLE

Ernest Hemingway: Probably the easiest choice for a human representative in this inaugural class, Ernest Hemingway was perhaps the ultimate Drunken Intellectual. His incredible writing, though some say chauvinistic, gave a distinctly American accent to literature in the first half of the 20th century. Plus he thoroughly espoused the hard-drinking, fast-living lifestyle he portrayed in his characters. Might I suggest A Clean, Well-Lighted Place as a brief introduction to Hemingway's style and attitudes toward drinking?  I think I shall...

Other Inductees: Charles Bukowski, Tennessee Williams, Edgar Allen Poe

DRINKS

Guinness: What better initial selection could there be in this category than the elixir-of-choice of the greatest drinking civilization in the modern world? The dark, brilliantly creamy goodness of this fine Irish beer is a complement to any meal... or is a meal by itself on the right evening. This being summer, my personal Guinness consumption will be declining, but it still ranks up there with the most famed of beverages world-wide. Give me a pint and a good live band and I'll be happy any day of the week.

Other Booze: Jack Daniels, the Bloody Mary, the Martini, Heineken

PLACES

Pat O'Brien's Bar: Again, this one is a no-brainer. This world famous watering hole in the midst of the drinking-est city in the nation (that would be New Orleans, of course) claims to sell more alcohol per customer than any other bar in the U.S. Having been there on many an occasion and witnessed (and often participated in) the amazing display of imbibery that occurs around that flaming fountain in the courtyard, I believe it. A couple Hurricanes later and you'll be a convert as well. See you there in three weeks!

Other Locations: Whisky a Go Go, Harry's New York Bar in Paris, Dublin

So there we are. An inaugural class worthy of Drunken Intellectual celebration. Obviously, there are many more people, places and drinks that will be enshrined in these hallowed halls before I retire. Do you have any suggestions for me? A favorite alcoholic writer or a great work of drunken art perhaps? Let me know what you think, and I will let you know when I have created my Hall of Fame website for all to visit. Until that day...

Keep it real.

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

--One note. If you recognize yourself in one of these occasionally unflattering profiles, don't be offended. Or rather, go ahead and be offended... just don't try to kick my ass. Please. Thank you very much.

That being said, welcome to Episode 2...

THE SQUEALER

To commemorate the recent release of the Sex and the City movie, I have decided to take a shot at one of the Female Fab Four's favorite fans... the Squealer. The name is derived from the characteristic sound which emanates from deep, deep within her when one of many "trigger events" occurs. This event could be an engagement announcement, a revelation of pregnancy, or, more likely, something completely inane. In fact, the most common occasion this high-pitched banshee wail is emitted is the appearance of another Squealer that she hasn't seen in 48 hours or more. You see, this species has an extremely short memory, which means that when a fellow Squealer reaches the bar at a later time, the original one not only believes it has been years, but is also completely surprised by the planned meeting, thus warranting the Celine Dion version of the barbaric yawp. Interestingly enough, this lack of recollection also necessitates the ubiquitous camera play... the ceaseless stream of pictures allowing the Squealer to remember what occurred the night before, as well as offering many additional opportunities for that eponymous onomatopoeia. (You like those big words? Hey... I gotta show off sometime!)

Anyway, the point is that these women, no matter how professional or intelligent during the daylight hours, turn into piercingly loud, ridiculously excitable middle-schoolers on those special evenings when they find themselves congregating in the establishments unfortunate enough to play host to their "reunions". Sadly, the phenomenon is hardly rare. In the post-college 20's (and leaking into the early 30's), the infiltration is ramprant, making it easier and easier to locate a pack of Squealers in the cosmo bars and karaoke joints of our fine nation. Endless conversations about so-and-so's new boyfriend or that dress what's-her-name wore to that-other-girl's wedding can even be heard above that Fall Out Boy song I can't seem to escape.

But don't worry... that hideous screeching only lasts 4 minutes.

So keep your eyes open, and your ears shut, next time you see one of these over-dressed, over-coiffed harpies in your corner bar. Hopefully you'll be able to identify them before the glass-shattering screams are unleashed upon the defenseless public and permanent damage is done to your tympanic membrane. Here are a few fun facts that may help you pick them out of the crowd...

FUN FACTS

Appearance
The Squealer is often colorfully and fashionably attired. Her plumage rarely changes with the seasons... as they can often be seen running from bar to bar in their emerald lingerie tops and matching open-toed heels in the middle of a blizzard. As mating season is never over for this species, their desire to attract a future spouse takes a back seat to any considerations of comfort.

Habitat
The native environment for these creatures varies, but they are drawn like moths to a flame to any establishment offering flavored martinis and/or dance music. In addition, they prefer well-lit bars where they can recognize each other easily, while still allowing them to preen in front of large men in small t-shirts, who appear to be immune to their cries.

Diet
Although often seen downing copious amounts of cosmopolitan, appletini and white zinfandel, the diet of the Squealer is largely unknown, as none have ever been witnessed eating solid food in public.

How they feed remains a mystery.

Behavior
Much of the behavior of this species revolves around the greeting ritual... running, arms held high, toward each other, emitting their ever-present howls before embracing in a shrill, jumping mass of womanhood. However, the squeals don't end there, and will often present themselves throughout the evening, especially when Journey is played on the jukebox.

Previous episodes:
Episode 1: The Sportsguy

Therefore, I find myself sitting at home on a Friday evening, wondering how I can follow this up without a repeat performance of the mind-erasing festivities of the previous weekend. And this does not include a viewing of the Sex and the City movie... I'd rather not be trampled this weekend, especially with all the ladies sure to be sporting their pointiest Manolo Blahniks or Jimmy Choos. No, this guy will attempt to retain his man-bundle and pursue a little more casual entertainment. And despite the threat, yet again, of rain tomorrow, I'm encouraged by the overall trend toward a warmer, drier season in the near future. So what does this non-holiday, normal-length weekend have in store for us?  Let's take a look...

• Charles Village Festival (Sat, 10am-8:30pm and Sun, 10am-6pm) - Good music, including Lafayette Gilchrist and The Junkyard Saints, good food, BEER and even a 5K road race show that Charles Village can offer more than Hopkins and the BMA. If the rain holds off, it should be a fun-filled time at the Wyman Park Dell.
• Polish Festival (Sat and Sun, noon-10pm) - What's not to like about Poland? Polka music, kielbasa, folk dancing and fine Polish lagers take over Patterson Park this weekend. And don't miss the screen-door submarine display on the pond! It's breath-taking...
• Baltimore Orioles vs. Boston Red Sox (Sat, 7:05pm and Sun, 1:35pm) - Yes, the Red Sox are in town, which means actual crowds at Camden Yards. A little annoying, you bet, but worth a shot, considering the struggles the Sox are going through right now (losing 5 of their last 6). Besides, there's always the beer to drown your sorrows if the O's lose.
• Body Worlds 2 (Sat, 9am-8pm and Sun, 9am-6pm) - The Maryland Science Center is offering this somewhat gruesome but completely intriguing look at the human form and the intricate details of our bodies in motion through September 1st. And yes, I know you can't buy booze at the exhibit, but you'll probably need a drink afterwards, so just think of it as a pre-game warmup. And hey, even the Drunken Intellectual needs to move the balance back to the Intellectual sometimes... especially after last weekend.

So there. Plenty to keep us all occupied during this weekend without (necessarily) resulting in late night shenanigans and early morning hangovers. Daytime drinking gets that all out of the way before midnight... Plus you get those great half-tans that all the kids are sporting these days. So don't wait until it's dark to start your night out this weekend. Amateurs! Instead, join me on the grass and enjoy a few frosty beverages to fight the heat. Assuming it's hot, you know.

Enjoy the weekend!

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

Yeah, me neither. But if I had, I'm sure it would have felt something like what I experienced walking into The Laughing Pint recently. Of course, in the real-life version, I was taken aback when owner/bartender Shannon remembered me (or, more accurately, the odd-ball group of friends with which I used to frequent the place), and noted my prolonged absence from her establishment. I came up with the usual list of excuses, none of which seemed to hold water, so I simply apologized, took a seat at the bar for a pint of Clipper City and planned my revenge... I mean, reacquaintance. Sadly, my good friend Lauren, the local who brought me back to the Pint, has recently moved on as well.  Looks like I'm on my own this time.

However, it wasn't long before Beth, another bar-goddess, was introducing me to some of the other regulars... including Lotta, who happens to be the first person I know to discover this pub when it first opened almost two years ago. After catching up with her a bit on some mutual friends, I quickly felt I was home...

So much so that when my sister came in town from New Orleans last week, this was the first place I brought her, remarking how it reminded me of a neighborhood bar in Mid-city back home. My observations were confirmed when, upon arriving, we quickly found four more native New Orleanians in the Friday night crowd of 20 or 30 patrons. Pretty good ratio, if you ask me.

But I should say, you don't have to be me, or even be from New Orleans, to enjoy this place. There's something for everyone, really. The back of the bar offers pool, shuffleboard and arcade games. The front booths host a collection of boardgames for those who need further entertaining... just try playing Scrabble or Taboo while drunk. The musical offerings from Shannon's personal collection of tunes are top-notch, especially for fans of 90's rock. And the there's even a courtyard out back for you dedicated smokers out there. But what it boils down to is that the staff is friendly, the drinks are well-made (try a fresh-squeezed Greyhound) and the crowd is warm and welcoming. 

So while it may seem to be a bit out-of-the-way from the usual crowded Canton or Fed Hill bars, that's all the more appealing in my book. And the Highlandtown locals have really taken to the place as a haven of refuge from the rougher areas of the neighborhood... I've even witnessed several using the bar as a forum to discuss the issues. Not just an escape from the troubles of daily life, the Laughing Pint has become... to many of these people, including the crusading owner Shannon... a rallying point for neighborhood improvement. Not bad for a little bar on the corner of Gough and Conkling, eh?

I'd have to agree with the growing consensus that the Pint is "The Nicest Little Bar in Baltimore!"

Maybe I'll see you out there sometime?

Mark Burlet
Drunken Intellectual

But a close second is the city's ability to stuff a large number of drinking establishments in a small area, and the city's residents ability to support them all comfortably. Neighborhoods like Fells Point, Canton, Federal Hill and Mt. Vernon all have nice little groupings of bars and clubs for people with a variety of festive needs. And for the residents of these areas, you have a choice of which watering hole from which to stumble home at the end of the night. In my opinion, however, there is no better way to take advantage of this arrangement than the time-honored drinking tradition: the Crawl. Whether you call it a Bar Crawl, a Pub Crawl, bar-hopping, whatever... it simply means taking the time to enjoy many different locations for your beverage needs in one glorious evening. It could be an organized, scheduled event, including most of the neighborhood bars (such as the Clipper City Bar Crawl) and offering drink specials at each stop... or a spontaneous adventure with no timetable, no planned stops, and no clue of what will happen at the end of the night.

What happened to me on Saturday was something... in between?

This Saturday, at 1:00 PM, I reported for duty to Federal Hill, where several enterprising friends had arranged their own pub crawl, complete with scheduled bars, drink specials, and even commemorative cups. What followed was a gradually snowballing conglomeration of brilliant, beautiful chaos and drunkenness that would leave us all wondering... what the hell happened?  But you don't get to hear all those stories... I'm just here to tell you about the bars. Details are inconsequential.

• The Stalking Horse - 1:00 PM - A great place to start, although considering it was just after noon and there were only four other customers in the bar, we probably could have gone anywhere and had it to ourselves. Still, the beer specials were excellent ($2.25 for good draft beer) and the video jukebox was a nice touch (if a little pricey) especially since I got to rickroll the entire party... I would suggest this as a good happy hour alternative for those living in the Hill.
• Ryleigh's Pub - 1:45 PM - Here, there was only one real drink special, but it was a good one... the $5 crush. If you're not sure what a crush is, it's basically vodka, triple sec and fruit juice served over crushed ice. I had the Passion Fruit variety. Delicious! Shame it was offset by the other special, the $6 burger, which was wonderfully large, but sadly cooked exactly the same (medium well) no matter what temperature you ordered it.  I tend toward the mid-rare, which explains why my burger came last.  Huh?
• No Way Jose - 3:15 PM - After the time-consuming, food-consuming stop at Ryleigh's, it was nice to escape to an establishment more dedicated to enabling our drunkenness. With their $3 margaritas and mexican beers, this place allowed our party to begin approaching the unbridled enjoyment of the later hours. I did run into some other friends here from back in Canton, but for the most part, it was still just our group of thirty-or-so random drinkers. Which is lucky, because the bar is small... but comfy.  Worth an evening, if it's not too crowded. Otherwise, I'd find some place a little more roomy.
• Mother's - 4:30 PM - This has always been one of my favorite little places in Federal Hill. I've been here dozens of times since I moved to Baltimore, and have always enjoyed the food and the atmosphere. It doesn't hurt that the establishment appears to have a great affinity for New Orleans, my hometown. However, this was my first time experiencing the new "Mother's on the Alley" expansion. I have to say I was sufficiently impressed. This addition to the back-end of Mother's presents a much more open, bar-specific atmosphere, complete with pool tables. And they have Abita beer, about which I have gushed in the past. Definitely an improvement of an already excellent product.
• Crazy Lil's - 6:00 PM - So this was supposed to happen at 5:00 PM. However, I can't say it was easy to drag everyone to this little nook on Cross St., but we managed to make the move... eventually. Some other friends met up there at this point, just in time to take advantage of the $3 Irish Car Bombs. This somehow became a challenge, as some of my friends decided one was just not enough... Either way, despite the small stature of the bar, and the narrow entryway, a good time was had by all. I should say, however, that by this point, the crowd was starting to rise to more acceptable evening levels.  Not that this is always good in a confined space, but that's the way it is.

From that point on... well, you'll just have to ask me in person. There are some appropriately embarrassing pictures which I hope will never become public, despite their stark honesty. And while some may state that leaving a credit card at the bar is a sure sign of impaired judgement, I say that leaving TWO cards at two DIFFERENT bars only proves that you were simply enjoying the moment so much that your priorities were in a different place. And once this place, this high peak, this zenith of aspiration, is reached... well, there are few greater experiences in a (relatively) young man's life. Until you have to borrow cash for the cab ride home, and spend the next two days recovering your credit cards from random bars in Federal Hill...

So, I have no idea if this was the least bit informative. But I feel we've grown closer... I've shared a little... you've opened your mind to my way of thinking. Or you've at least managed to stumble your way through another episode of the Drunken Intellectual's musings on a different lifestyle. And if you were there at some point during the festivities, I'm glad to have shared this time with you. If you were there at the end of the night, well... I hope I didn't offend you in some way.

And please, let's keep the pictures to a minimum. Is that too much to ask?  Thank you very much.

Mark Burlet,
Drunken Intellectual

Anyway, here are three great events this weekend that offer food, drinking, live music and more!

1. City Paper's 12th Annual Brew Fest (Saturday, Fells Point)
How can you go wrong here? One of Baltimore's best walkin'-and-drinkin' neighborhoods is the centerpiece for this event. The square on Broadway and Thames is closed off, many a microbrew will be sold, and live music will be playing... all within view of the water and that crazy-good hot dog and lemonade stand. The event is from 1:00-5:00pm, so if you plan on sleeping all day, skip it. I, for one, will be there... Give me a shout out if you're going! 

2. Maryland Beer and Foodfest (Saturday and Sunday, Aberdeen)
This event is truly impressive. So big that it could only be held at Ripken Stadium, home of the Ironbirds. There will be hundreds of different beers and wines, a ridiculous variety of foodstuffs (including a farmers' market!), and some great area bands to keep you entertained. In fact, there's so much going on, they had to make it two days long! If I'm sufficiently recovered from the Brew Fest on Saturday, I might have to make the trip on Sunday. And don't worry, if it's raining, there's plenty of indoor space for your continued enjoyment of their many offerings. Just remember to designate a driver for the return trip! 

3. Johns Hopkins Spring Fair (Friday through Sunday, JHU Homewood Campus)
Here's one for the young at heart. But you don't have to be a Hopkins student to appreciate great live music, artsy-craftsy vendors, fine foods and a beer garden (for those of us over 21). And don't miss the big concert tonight at 7:00... Bone Thugs-n-Harmony and Reel Big Fish. I don't think there's ever been a more natural combination of artists, honestly. Plus it's going on all weekend, so drop in anytime. Higher education never tasted so sweet... 

So there we have plenty to keep us occupied this weekend. But don't blame me if it rains and you're stuck sitting under an awning somewhere, praying the water doesn't drip into your beer. We've all got burdens to bear...

Have a great weekend!
Mark Burlet,
Drunken Intellectual

Earth Day is a day of awareness. Of acceptance of your fellow man and reverence for our Mother Earth. It is a day to celebrate and promote environmentalism, energy efficiency and sustainable agriculture. Basically it's a tree-hugger's wet dream.

That's not to say I'm not an environmentalist myself. I walk to work (and most everywhere else), shop at Whole Foods, contribute to the Sierra Club and even use those squiggly light bulbs. I understand the benefits of responsible farming and the threat of disappearing wetlands. But I'm not some holier-than-thou, bumper-sticker-flaunting activist. I feel there is a place and a time for beating people over the head with your beliefs, and it is not here and now.

Having gotten that out of the way, there is something to be said for supporting the Earth Day movement. My day job held a few Earth Day awareness activities on Tuesday (which were, unsurprisingly, not very well attended) and did a pretty good job of showing how things could be "greener". (And did I mention that I was the only one in the company who got all five Earth Day trivia questions right? I didn't mention that? How did that slip my mind?) One thing that didn't come up, sadly, was the latest trend in brewing... organic beer. You heard me right, but I'll say it again a little louder... organic beer! Examples of this have been around for a while now, but it's starting to sprout up (pun intended) right here in our backyard.
On April 9th, Clipper City... Hugh Sisson's Baltimore-based craft brewery... announced the launch of the all-organic line of beer under the banner of "Oxford Organic Ales". I have yet to locate said phantom brew, but I'd be more than happy to give either the Amber of Raspberry Wheat a healthy quaff. But don't take my word for it, here is the press release from Clipper City, which explains the "organic" label and their reasons for heading in that direction.

Enjoy... and stay green!

CLIPPER CITY BREWING COMPANY GOES ORGANIC

Baltimore Based Brewery Announces New Line – “Oxford Organic Ales”

Baltimore, MD - Clipper City Brewing Company, the Maryland-based brewer of quality craft beers, today announced the release of their new “Oxford Organic Ales” line of beers. Starting with two new beers - Oxford Class Organic Amber Ale and Oxford Organic Raspberry Wheat Beer – the products will become available at the beginning of April.

“There is a natural connection between craft brewers and organic farmers,” said Hugh Sisson, Clipper City’s managing partner. “We both make all natural products, in small batches by hand, to the highest possible quality standards. This new product line is our way of partnering with those farmers who are committed to the organic, sustainable production of natural foods.”

The Oxford Class Organic Amber Ale is a classic amber ale with biscuit and caramel malt flavors, and just enough hops for a crisp finish. The Oxford Organic Raspberry Wheat Beer is an organic wheat beer flavored with real raspberries. An American version of a Belgian classic.

“The Maryland Department of Agriculture is accredited by the USDA's National Organic Program to certify producers of organic products,” said Deanna Baldwin, program manager of Food Quality Assurance for the Maryland Department of Agriculture. “Prior to certification, operations must submit an organic system plan that is reviewed and inspected by MDA to ensure products are produced in compliance with the National Organic Program. Clipper City Brewing has met these requirements and is certified by MDA to produce organic beer.”

In order for a product to be labeled “organic” it must contain at least 95% certified organic raw materials. The balance can be non-certified if the ingredient is not commercially available in organic form. Anything under 95% and above 70% organic raw materials can be labeled “made with organic ingredients.”

Clipper City Brewing Company was founded in 1995 by Baltimore brewing pioneer, Hugh Sisson. The brewery is named for the famous Baltimore Clipper ship, a symbol that embodies Baltimore’s maritime heritage and a commitment to craftsmanship of the highest caliber. In addition to the “Oxford Organic Ales” line of beers, Clipper City’s portfolio of products includes the “Clipper City” and “Heavy Seas” brands. Clipper City has been in operation for more than a decade and markets fine beers in 18 states, as well as the District of Columbia.

--- www.ClipperCityBeer.com ---