Blending a family is a process

“We all bring issues, traditions and rituals from our families of origin. Couples must figure out what to keep and what to discard as they create a new union and blend their expectations.”- Kathy Heustess

  Bradt and Bradt describe 8 stages of blending a family:

1. Go back! "What have I gotten myself into?" The parents may doubt the choice to remarry and children may act out or protest the union.
2. Making room: Family members learn how to share physical and emotional space and avoid the sense of being an intruder.
3. Struggles of realignment: Loyalty conflicts, power struggles, protests, and negotiations occur as former relationship alliances break down and are reconstructed.
4. (Re)commitment: A family identity is established as a new feeling of family emerges. Family ceremonies and traditions evolve. Shared experiences are created. Rituals, traditions, vacations and celebrations are a part of the family system.
5. Rebalancing relationships: Once the recommitment is achieved, family members can freely move back and forth to different households and maintain loyalty in each based on the present and not the past.
6. Relinquishing feeling of deprivation and burden: Feelings from the past, including being isolated, untrusting, over-responsible and unwilling to collaborate evaporate.
7. Growth toward integration: Having accepted differences, addressed challenges, acknowledged complexity, established commitments and relinquished feelings of deprivation and burden, the family is cohesive and has an identity.
8. Moving on: Members are free to move into other relationships focused on growth, problem solving and interaction with larger systems outside of the family.

Best  to your peaceful blending family,

Brigitte Wangberg