Don't let this happen to you. Photo,Fallabella.co.uk

I've been struggling with what to write about lately, Reader. In the current horrific economy, it seems disrespectful, almost obnoxious to prattle on about pricey beauty products and treatments.

This is especially perplexing because I cannot indulge my own deep thirst for the transformative promises contained in all the cosmetics companies' glimmering new holiday fare. Normally this time of year is absolute heaven for me, with all the limited-edition colors and formulae, the rich palettes, the sumptuously festive packaging. Nothing fills your Beauty Examiner with glee like choosing delicious beauty gifts for friends and family (and self; I have been known to follow the "one for you, two for me" method of Christmas shopping), things with which they might rarely indulge themselves but which elicit delighted squeals and immediate application.

However, at this point, even I, queen of avoidance, feel ridiculous discussing these things.

So, time to return to my skin-nerd roots, the reason I became an aesthetician in the first place, to study our miraculous epidermis and make it happier, more highly functional and glowing with strength. Now that it's so dry and chilly, I'm hearing lots of complaints about scaly feet and hands (my own whining being the loudest), and I just can't see advising people to drop loads of cash on a cure, particularly when it can  be achieved pretty inexpensively. Luckily for us, Baltimore's independently owned pharmacies are the places to find the tools. Chestnut Pharmacy in Hampden, for example, has a tiny but perfectly edited stock of winter-skin transformers. Here, a step-by-step guide for use of my Winter Hoof Trifecta, a tried-and-true formula for buttery paws against the odds. It makes the most sense to do this before bed, unless you feel comfortable wearing white cotton gloves to work all day with a straight face (if you decide to do this, may I suggest accompanying your look with a simple string of pearls and speaking in an affected east-coast boarding school accent).

The Tools:  Lac-Hydrin lotion, Aquaphor Healing Ointment, cotton socks and gloves

The Lowdown:  Lac-Hydrin lotion is a favorite of dermatologists for treatment of uber-dry, scaly hands, elbows, knees and feet. With a hefty twelve percent lactic acid to penetrate the roughest epidermal buildup, it really works as well as its much spendier equivalents. It doesn't smell great, comes in a decidedly lackluster plastic bottle, but if it is real results you want, look no further.

Immediately post-shower, slather hands and feet generously with the stuff. Secondly, dispense about a quarter-size dollop per foot, dime-size per hand, right over the Lac-Hydrin. Aquaphor is occlusive, so it's used to seal in the exfoliating hydration of the Lac-Hydrin. Lastly, slip on some 100% cotton socks and gloves. This traps your body heat so that the products penetrate deeply as you sleep and keeps the sheets from getting all gloopy. Plus it looks really sexy and alluring...ok, maybe not, but it really works fantastically well.

Not only will you be delighted at your smooth, moist tootsies, but the WHT ingredients can be purchased at Chestnut or any other independently-owned pharmacy in town for very little cash, so you can support small business at the same time. What's not to love?