There's always a therapy appointment to take care of, a meltdown to head off, an interrupted night's sleep, a new random trigger for an irrational fear turning up. Something. Taking care of any child with special needs is difficult and poses additional challenges for parents and their relationship as a couple. The parents of children with autism spectrum disorders are no different, whether it's 'just' pervasive development disorder (PDD-NOS), high functioning autism (HFA), Asperger's Syndrome or another 'flavor' on the spectrum. Parenting kids on the spectrum is definitely a challenge and the challenges that each set of parents faces are different and unique to each family.
With such stormy waters to navigate, it can often be difficult to keep relationships afloat, especially with different family members going in different directions all day long, or with different points of view on the issues that an ASD child might be facing. Here are some tip that can help to ease some of the tensions that can arise.
- Set aside time to talk about what's going on with your autism spectrum child or children and keep each other 'up to date' on the latest developments. How many meltdowns are happening? How often? What are some of the common triggers? What things are soothing to your child? What things bother him or her? Just five minutes a day at the start of the day, over lunch or at the end of the day can ensure that all parents and guardians have the most current information and strategies for tackling any given day. If a face-to-face conversation isn't possible, try a quick check-in phone call, use an internet messaging service to chat briefly during the day, send a text message or start a private blog to leave more detailed notes for each other.
- Try to get on the same page and present a unified front about how your autistic child or children are treated. This is something that may be difficult to achieve in and of itself, but being mostly in agreement about how things are handled is pretty key to ensuring smooth sailing at home. Building on the information shared during daily check-ins, decide together how each of the issues will be handled. If there are disagreements, check in with a therapist, doctor or other specialist who may be able to provide 'neutral' insight to break a dead-lock. Being on that same page together will help to make sure that all communications with other family members, teachers, therapists and other treating professionals are along the same lines and avoid stressful scenarios where "But you told X this and we're really doing Y!" that can wind up in arguments.
- Set aside time as best you can, to have time together without the kids. This is a common strategy for all parents but is all the more important for parents of special needs children since all that time caring for the kids can add up to a lot of separation and distance between parents. This time together doesn't have to be expensive or even involve leaving your home, it can be as simple as getting take out or a special treat (something uniquely 'yours' that you've always enjoyed together) and popping that favorite movie into the VCR or DVD player. Just let yourselves reconnect as people and partners even if it's just for half an hour. Every little bit counts.
- Take advantage of the support systems that are available to you, be it a support group associated with your child's school, helpful family members or friends, parents' night out events, respite care or your community services crisis hotline: there are resources available to help you to keep things on an even keel.
Some resources for parents:
- The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia has an excellent list of autism support groups.
- The Autism Childcare Connection of Chester County provides a private social network for parents of children on the spectrum with interesting articles, blog posts and resource sharing.
- Find respite care through the National Respite Network Resource Locator or check out offerings from West Chester University's SPARC program.
- Check with your school or Intermediate Unit about Parent's Night Out events that you can bring your child along to. The Autism Alliance of Chester County offers Parent's Night Out in conjunction with the Child and Career Development Center in Coatesville.
Comments