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I was driving to the market today, lost in thought, half listening to my son who has autism. I try to forgive my transgression, as sometimes I tend to multi-task and ponder how the entire population views his disability. Consequently, my digression is a self fulfilling prophecy.
Back to Paul. He began to talk about "the brain memo". That caught my attention tout suite. "It types reports on the computer in my head." he said. "Remember when that girl at the high school was mean to me?" "What girl?" I asked. He began to recall a passing event from years ago. " I wanted to say hello to her friend, and she put her hands over the friend's eyes, like this" (he covered his face like a child pretending to hide). "Then she said....."She's not here." "She was trying to hide her friend from me".
"Who does this sfuff!" I shout silently. I wonder just how many other instances has he buried in his protective wall. What are his strategies to survive? I need to put a positive spin on this; my own survival strategy. Paul, in fact, established theory of mind in action. The Indiana Resource Center for Autism published a paper detailing the effects of theory of mind. It states that "young children with autism spectrum disorder usually do not see the gaze of another to guide their behavior. " It goes on to stress that "School-aged children understand irony, sarcasm, ”white lies”, the distinction between literal and non-literal speech, and metaphors indicating more advanced ability to understand the beliefs of others. Individuals with autism spectrum disorders often struggle with these aspects of communication, even when they have almost typical language. This is a particularly salient feature of Asperger’s syndrome."
It is all about perspective taking. While I do not forgive the unkind behavior of the girls involved, I am buoyed by the evidence that Paul learned to read the situation, albeit years later. It is progress, at a turtle's pace, nevertheless in the forward direction.
Now what do we do about the typical population that needs to learn the same message.
Comments
That's how my youngest son, Brandon, learns. Later. But each time, to me, it's a beautiful thing.
Sensitivity training is ongoing at our local schools. The thought is that the more that "disabled" children are integrated with mainstream, the less this behavior will occur as it will become normalized to have someone who is different around them. I am not sure I believe that though. It's a wait and see for me.
This is very interesting. My daughter is only 10, and I know she doesn't always "get" all the nuances. But I believe she remembers all kinds of things,and it will be interesting when she is able to talk better, to hear how she really feels about some of these things.
I also think many people, including researchers/therapists/doctors, tend to think that because they don't understand all these social cues they aren't hurt by anything (emotionally). This is so very untrue, and such an injustice.
"Normal isn't a picture of real life". "What is normal for one person or group may not be what is considered normal for another". "It's kind of like common sense; what may be common sense to you may not be common sense to someone else". These were the words of my 11 year old son diagnosed with Autism at 2 1/2 years old. My son thinks labels are for the adult world that needs to put things in the same order or catagory that he puts things in so he can process information better. "Good order used to be taught as a way to get things done faster, now if you display a sense of structure you're the odd ball and need a label." These are statements made by a child the system calls autistic, so if he's autistic all the people that are not autistic are simply suffering from learned helplessness and require assistance to be normal, but don't require a label because there are more people disorderly than the odd balls who keep order in their life’s and are penalized for orderly function.
My son now 23 , almost five year since high school graduation, often talks about painful social situations from his school days. He will bring up very similar situations as the one discussed and begin to blame his autism for people treating him badly. I had never heard about any of these things at the time. I believe he continues to process and sort the world that he has been placed in. Just like the author, I too get lost in thought pondering how the world views his autism. I wonder how will he survive this difficult life he has been given. I pray for social understanding for all people who do not fit into the mold of
" normal".
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