“Conditioning is the root of most people’s dysfunction. If you aren’t aware of what you are doing, how can you make a change to reconstruct how you live your life?” Lauren Mackler’s Solemate, an international bestseller on its second printing, serves as a guide for people looking to find the path by finding the soul mate in themselves. It is a book about mastering the art of aloneness and what beauty can be found in enjoying your own company and uniqueness.
Mackler’s personal journey paved the way for her to write her book. “I got married very young, and I thought of myself as a very independent person, career-oriented, and despite those perceptions, I replicated what my mom had done – I gave up my career and became a homemaker and a wife.”
The marriage fell apart. Mackler found herself divorced and living in a foreign country. “I got to the point of using my security deposit for the last month’s rent [in my apartment] and I came back here [to the states]. I didn’t realize, until returning home, that I was in a deep depression and I really hit rock bottom.”
Mackler decided to take back her life. “I put together a self-renewal program and began doing things ever day to pull myself back together. [Things like] exercising, watching what I ate, and making a list of all the things that were coloring my current life and exploring where the opportunity was. It was: how can I reframe this and see what was happening in a different way to begin changing. I began to take action for the things that were openings for growth and change.”
One of the awakenings that took place for Mackler was “I began to understand that all the choices I made came from conditioning when I was growing up. The light bulb went on.
“You can take your own adversity and turn it into something of meaning. History can be points on the path to lead you to what they need to do – it’s a synergy and you just need to be able to connect the dots.
“The foundations of the book are built upon a model called illumineering. Illuminate to awaken, to clarify with engineering your life, and begin living deliberately. To understand the environment that has influenced who you have become. What are the core beliefs that you internalize in the world around you, and what behaviors have you adapted to the self and what primarily role have you played?
“Accountability is taking responsibility of your every aspect instead of looking outside to find someone to bring those aspects. Another aspect of the book is to help people see being alone from a different perspective. Nearly half of Americans are single. When you’re single all you see are couples, because our mindset hasn’t caught up with today’s reality.” It’s ok to enjoy time getting to know yourself. Being alone doesn’t equal being lonely.
Solemate helps readers find empathy for themselves as well as awareness to how they live. “These negative beliefs are a trance state – they aren’t true. I see magnificent people that are accomplished and terrific but they are delusional in the sense that they believe they will fail.
“Most people live fear based lives. Fear is a huge, huge addiction. I think many of us are addicted to feeling afraid and are held captive by that fear. When we want to do something that is in violation against a core eliminating belief it sounds the alarm – and puts us in a fight or flight response. It’s being at the mercy of an old memory that isn’t relevant to the moment.”
Mackler wrote the book because, “I wanted to help people understand the nature of fear and provide tools so they can step over it and override it. So they can move out of their comfort zones and follow their dreams.
“There is such a freedom to finding that authentic self. It’s part of our life fabric and you can consciously work to develop new behavior and change the pattern.” Once you recognize the conditioned self, you can work to overcome fear and apply the tools Mackler provides to live life authentically.
Mackler also hosts a radio show, Live Keys. “I try to provide the same sort of information with the practical tools on the show. I’m on air coaching. I talk about other aspects that aren’t in the book. I believe the practice tools are the most important thing. They allow you to combine the information that is offered and learn how to apply it in your day to day life.
“The book represents my life’s work in terms of the knowledge and tools I gained from my adult life and childhood experience, which informed where I ended up going career-wise. I wanted to give every single life skill and tool that I found helpful throughout my life.”
So many dreams have come true for Mackler, so what other stars is she reaching for? “I would love to have a television show in which I can work with people and have real life situations where I can be doing this model of work. I would love to be able to have a vehicle where I could reach a lot of people.
“I don’t think anything fills me up more than when I can help someone move through the barriers; help them find confidence and make a difference. Next to cuddling with my dog there is nothing better.”
If you’re ready to cut through the barriers and find how to master the art of your aloneness, visit Lauren Mackler and pick up a copy of her book at: http://www.laurenmackler.com/. Or tune in, Lauren is the host of the weekly Life Keys radio show, every Thursday from on www.hayhouseradio.com.
Images courtesy of Lauren Mackler website and thefamilyyak.com
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