Jessica Bram’s book Happily Ever After Divorce: Notes of a Joyful Journey, is moving, funny and at times excruciatingly honest. Does she simply open a vein and let the words pour out? Partially. She lets inhibition go and shares what’s in her mind and heart without filter, but the process is bordering on meticulous, as she is dedicated with purpose.
Jessica BramSo what is the function of her book? “The purpose is that I want people to identify with it .” It was written “after I had gone through the experience and was able to look back. As a writer and a personal essay writer I am always writing about things that go on in my life and trying to find a deeper meaning.”
“These moments were really hard, but there were unexpected things that happened too. It wasn’t cathartic. This was really about looking deeper, looking beyond and kind of putting it behind.”
And in the process she created a warm and guiding roadmap for all recently divorcees who are looking for answers.
This was a labor of the heart. Jessica wrote half the book before she got a contract for it. “I had been taking copious notes and outlines for years.” With a background in writing essays, “the book is full of stand alone essays.”
It’s written in this style for a specific reason, and a personal one. When Jessica was going through her divorce, “I couldn’t read cover to cover, but could read stand alone essays.”
The book is written for the reader. So that they may “read whatever chapter they relate to.” Jessica has gotten treasured emails from readers, who out of the blue “say it’s the lift they needed and read it without stopping.”
“This is exactly the book I wish I had had when I was going through it. Self-help books weren’t speaking to me.”
“When you’re in the situation you feel so unique – like you’re the only one going through this. Being with people who had gone through it was encouragement.” This is Jessica’s way of giving the same sense of encouragement she sought to those now in need.
“I wrote a book that I like to read. I will always read someone else’s story when they are sharing honestly and openly.” She takes a page from Randy Pausch who said, “don’t tell people how to live their lives, just tell them stories, and they’ll figure out how to make it apply to them.”
Jessica’s book is full of her stories. “I’m not a marriage counselor. I don’t give advice; your answers have to come from inside you.” But, she will let you see inside of her story and the answers she found.
She wants readers to know that, “It doesn’t matter what anybody self says; listen to yourself.” While you may be in the thick of it and it feels like you won’t find your worth, “You look back at what you have accomplished and it builds your self esteem.”
“I’m a big believer in ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’. You do something even if you’re scared to death. And then having accomplished it – you look back and say ah’ now I see. So you really get the courage from doing.” Jessica hopes her examples will inspire you how.
What lead her to being a writer? “Writing is what I always wanted to do always, always. I just got diverted into other careers by the assumption that writing isn’t a career.” Of writing, “I think it’s where my talent lies – no matter what I was doing, I was still taking writing workshops in the evenings and weekends.”
Jessica has “always written pieces about my life and had a number published over the years.” The practice paid off in helping hone her craft and find rhythm in writing her words.
Jessica loved the writing workshops so greatly that she started her own, Westport Writers’ Workshop, whose summer programs are currently open for registration. “The Westport Writers’ Workshop offers friendly, supportive creative writing workshops designed to nurture your creativity, inspire your imagination, and develop your writing skills.”
What draws Jessica to workshops? “I basically have been in workshops for so many years and developing my craft. Great writers are not sprung into being – you need to learn your craft.” Then she began volunteering to teach memoir writing for free to seniors. “I love helping seniors write their memoirs; there is such a motivation in your 70’s and 80’s to write memoirs.”
Jessica isn’t a fiction writer. “I don’t write any fiction. It’s not my expertise at all.” For Jessica, “real life is too interesting. I love the way I look at real life and making life out of true meaning.” There are so many stories in every day, the world. Experiences in it are Jessica’s playground.
“I love truth, and I love real life, and I love what really happens. There is such magic to me in the ordinary moments.” “We are so similar when we share experiences. We can be so different in backgrounds, but deep down we are so alike. Even if it’s not exactly how it was for you, there is relatability.”
What is the hardest part of writing? “Every writer has self doubt and as you write you think could this possibly be interesting for anyone else? The discipline can be difficult; it can be hard to stay encouraged.”
But remember, “Someone is going to get published and it might as well be you.”
What is Jessica’s favorite aspect of writing? “Writing is a very lonely venture and personally, I’m a very social person. The best part is getting to interact with the readers!” When she finally comes face to face with the people she has written her book for.
She finds such joy when someone tells her, “this is for my sister, mother, best friend. They know that this is a ‘Cheer Up’ gift.”
Advice for other writers? “I give a workshop called silence your inner critic and one of them is to really develop your craft. Develop your craft, learn how to use dialogue.”
Remember, “when you’re just starting out you are not suppose to be good. Most people find writing doesn’t come easy; it can be a chore. You need a structure.”
“Join a workshop –whether an informal group, or a class. You need to give yourself a deadline” Workshops are one great way to have a built-in deadline. “If nothing else it will get you to write.”
‘There is a myth that writing flows for natural writers.” Not everyone sits down and it all comes pouring out from fingers to keys to page. Discipline can help focus a writer and practice makes perfect.
Another great plus of a workshop? “The thrill of sitting with a group of people and reading aloud to them. There is something so wonderful about having an audience, about having readers.”
“I never got over seeing my name on my book.” Jessica even wrote a blog about the day her first books arrived. “I compared it to the day my first son was born. I felt such pride and was so thrilled.” It was, after all, witnessing the birth of another baby – and meeting it for the first time.
Conferences are another useful tool for writers. Jessica has been to conferences, but discovered “there is a danger in going to conferences because too many made me feel smaller. But the best ones are the ones that are encouraging and the craft. I’ve certainly been to some great ones. “
“The wonderful feeling is the community of writers. The one thing I always wanted to find and wasn’t able to was a writers retreat where you go away to write and be surrounded by other writers.” So, she created a retreat.
Westport Writers’ Workshop has a writers retreat at Cape Cod. The writers take over an entire bed and breakfast. We write all day, and at night we meet for a three hour workshop.” It is a fiction and non-fiction retreat for all writers looking to escape, into their words, with other writers who desire the tranquility of being right by the sea.
Is Jessica worried about the struggling economy, and its affect on the publishing industry? “All I can hope is that is just going to change. There will always be hunger for the next book, next bit of wisdom that touches.” Laughing she asks, “what will I have to sign when they’re all eBooks.”
What was the process of creating her book like? “I started from scratch and had pieces I had written – found out how to do a book proposal and and found lists of agents and how to send them and where. I just plowed through and found someone who loves the book.”
You have to have a thick skin to be a writer. Her advice for new authors, “don’t pay any attention to the rejection.”
“If it’s something that you love to do and want to do, by all means keep doing it. Just keep the faith that there is someone out there – a reader who really wants to hear what you have to say, imagine the reader in your head and keep after it.”
“The biggest way to ensure not having a successful book, is never getting around to writing it. What’s important is the time you spent with your seat in the chair writing – getting the words on the page.”
Revise, revise, revise. “Revision is writing – it is craft. I didn’t realize that when I first started out, but as I learned, I realized revising is what makes the difference between amateur and professional.”
What is Jessica’s dream for her book? “I’d like the book to do well. I want it to become the kind of go-to book – the ‘what to expect when you’re divorcing book.’”
What’s next for Jessica? “Things can happen so far away and they affect us in a very personal and local way. I want to write a book that brings home that they aren’t so far away at all.”
Jessica has a natural gift in illustrating life’s lessons and making them relatable and often hilarious. She knows how to speak directly to her readers by sharing bits of herself and letting them see that though life may rip holes in your heart and the fabric of your being, with time, laughter and self-awareness, you will become whole again.
Sir William Bragg once said, “the important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them.” Living is the simplest form of science, and Jessica Bram is finding new ways to think about the toughest experiences that shape life. I can’t wait to read what she has to say next.
For more about Jessica Bram, and Westport Writers’ Workshop, visit her website at: http://jbram.com/
And stay tuned for my review of Happily Ever After Divorced: Notes on a Joyful Journey.
Comments