Bonnie Ware at Inspiration and Chai has a moving post about lessons learned while caring for people who were dying. Not only were they valuable lessons for how to fully live our lives, they also struck me as important lessons about parenting.
Ms. Ware worked in palliative care for many years. She says that the same regrets came up from her patients again and again.
The five most common regrets were:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
(Be sure to read the full entries over at Inspiration and Chai.)
Every one of these can be directly related to parenting...
1. Be the parent you believe you should be -- not the one society (or your mother in law, your doctor or the busybody next door) says you should be.
2. Be there. Make time for family and fun.
3. Honor your feelings. Stuffing down your own needs or emotions will close you off emotionally to everything and everyone. We can't turn off the bad without turning off the good, which leaves us numb and empty. Model for your children how to express emotions like anger, disappointment and grief in healthy ways. Allow yourself to be real and recognize that your needs and feelings are every bit as important as anybody else's.
4. Make a commitment to your friendships. Not only will good friends reinforce your own parenting values but they'll help fill you back up emotionally when you're feeling drained and they just plain make life more fun.
5. Choose happiness. When life is chaotic, embrace it. Laugh. Look at the bright side. Cherish all the good you have as a parent and a person, and change those things that drag you down. By being happy, we teach our children how to be happy too, which is one of the most important gifts we can give them.
Even though some days may stretch on like eons, this time with our children is fleeting.
Here's to living it well.
See also:
Alzheimers patients teach a lesson about parenthood
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