What's love got to do with it? Astrology, science and swamis explore relationships

Why do we love who we love?  Is it chemistry, karma, astrological compatibility, fear of loneliness, or a genuine heart connection of true love?  And, does it matter?  Isn’t it enough that we just love and the reasons for it irrelevant?  Let’s see what some experts have to say.

Loving another person is the greatest mystery of life

Astrologer Martin Schulman, in Karmic Relationships, says:

One of the greatest mysteries of life is the experience of loving another person. For eons, people have tried to define and understand the depths of love’s simplicity. We know the intimate love of one person to another. We experience a love for nature. We have a love for material things. We feel the love for family and children. We have been enveloped by the love for God and for life itself. These are all different forms of love and yet in subtle, intangible ways, they are all the same. A thread of continuity links all forms of love together, so the differences are based more on the love object and the quality of love itself rather than in the basic essence. We know that when one person feels love for another he is able to feel love for other things in the universe because the love center is open. When an individual feels a great love for life, he is capable of loving all things – for loving anything is the foundation for loving everything.

Like the song says, what the world needs now is love, sweet love. But, is it love or just the fear of loneliness that drives us into the arms of another? Scientific research shows that we humans are healthier and happier in harmonious pairs.  Is this because we are drawn to love or frightened of being alone?

Is it love or fear of loneliness?

In her famous work, Love Signs, astrologer Linda Goodman states:

Love is man’s and woman’s deepest need.  It’s not the threat of illness or poverty that crushes the human spirit, but the fear that there is no one who truly cares – no one who really understands.  We all reach desperately for love, no matter how healthy, wealthy or wise we may be, because the alternative is loneliness.

How many decisions have been made to avoid the dreaded experience of loneliness only to wake up one day, sometimes years or a lifetime later and realize you’re in a loveless relationship? And when the word ‘desperate’ is in the same sentence as ‘love’ it stops feeling like love and more like codependence. Romantic love is all well and good, but sometimes the effusions seem to be expressing dependency dynamics and not love dynamics. Everyone wants to be loved, but the story changes significantly and usually ends up in counseling or divorce court when you’re loved because you’re needed instead of being needed because you’re loved.

Urges

Marnia Robinson, author of the book titled Peace Between the Sheets, says:

If you are a mammal and not in a coma, your so-called primitive brain has had far more say about your intimate relationships than has your free will. You may have acted upon its primal urgings and wondered at the resulting heartache – ranging from explosions of anger and infidelity to dreary stagnation. Or you may have retreated into celibacy to avoid these pitfalls – in many cases accompanied by your chosen addiction. Unfortunately, neither path offers the deep satisfaction of the middle path that lies between impulse and abstention.

Perhaps love is just a sweet, old fashioned notion.

Measuring love

Chemistry plays a role in our attracting power.  Perhaps it’s also responsible for why we love at all.
According to scientists, they are trying to measure love and get to the bottom of long-term romance and how it affects our emotional and physical well-being.  In this article in the Los Angeles Times, chemicals seem to play a role in our bonding patterns:

The more we understand it, they say, the better our chances of making love last and of harnessing its potential to improve our emotional and physical well-being.

Whatever its reason, there can be little doubt -- even from a scientific standpoint -- about the potent feelings that being in love elicits.

Is it love that we crave or the drug that feelings of love produce that we crave?

Neurochemisty is closely related to the strength of relationships, Robinson, says.

At the proper levels and locations, the neurochemical oxytocin can make us want to stay together without even trying. We can keep the oxytocin flowing if we remain openhearted. The lust cycle, however, carries us from the intense desire to uneasy satisfaction, and back to intense desire. These emotions make us greedy, needy, cranky, and defensive, rather than openhearted.

Ahhh….dopamine.  The drug that rats will die for rather than forego.

The dopamine factor

Robinson goes on to say:

Because of its role in addiction, dopamine has been studied extensively. At ideal levels it plays a vital role in feelings of cheerful anticipation, healthy appetite, and may also be connected with motivating us to make rewarding choices. At higher levels, it is behind cravings, uncontrolled behavior, unrealistic thinking, and thrill-seeking. Because of dopamine, “drugs of abuse produce the same exhilaration, excessive energy, sleeplessness, and loss of appetite that are characteristic of individuals who report being ‘in love.’”

Perhaps dopamine was responsible in the famous love tragedy, Romeo and Juliet.  Let’s face it, is it love that drives a person to stab themselves to death?

The law of attraction

In part 1 of my recent article about relationships, we read that the astrological energy patterns that we possess can give us a lot of information about why we’re attracted to certain personalities, how we communicate, our approach to intimacy, how we handle conflict, and where our weaknesses will search out a balancing strength.

Part 3 of the same series examines the law of attraction.  We learned that research indicates that we attract our psychological and emotional equal.  So, if you want to know why you keep choosing inappropriate partners you must adjust your core beliefs and develop the consciousness in yourself that you want to attract in another.

And, the law of attraction indicates that we can only attract what our consciousness can sustain.  We don’t get what we want; we don’t get what we pray for; we don’t always get what we need; and we may not get who we love.  We get what we expect.  The seeds of our consciousness flower the same way the seeds of a daisy flowers into a daisy and not an orchid.  It's not personal.  It's just the law.

Shouldn't at the very least, of all things, love be personal?

We are drawn together in order to heal

Part 2 of this series says that we come together in order to heal.  The ark is entered two by two;  we go to heaven - the state of blissful consciousness - with whomever is in front of us in the moment that we choose love instead of anything else.

Fair enough, but how does this explain the love that animals seem to express? Are animals karmically connected? And, what do they have to heal?

Do animals express love better than humans?

So, what about other mammals?  We’ve seen the research that suggests there are animal species more capable of monogamy than humans.  Is monogamy an attribute of love?  Do animals have feelings of love the way we do?  Sometimes our furry friends are the only ones who understand us and give us the unconditional love we’re looking for.  And we all know people who treat their animals better than their spouses.

In this article, Marc Bekoff, Professor Emeritus of Ecology and Evolutionary Biology at the University of Colorado, Boulder, reports:

It's sometimes easier to see and understand emotions in animals than in humans because animals don't filter their emotions.  What they feel is clearly written on their faces, publicized by tails, ears, and odors, and displayed by their actions. Animal emotions are raw and out there for all to sense — to see, hear, smell, and feel.  Anyone can tell.

Next time you see your beloved, wag that tail! 

Animals are like children.  They’re completely in the moment so they love us unconditionally each time we show up, no matter what.  Even if who shows up is hungry from a long winter’s fast - it’s love that draws us more than food as this story and video shows.  This story is without a doubt the best demonstration of the power of pure un-chemical, un-karmic, un-astrological love.

So, when it’s all said and done, what’ s the point in going through all we go through for relationships?

When East meets West, great things can happen both globally and personally.  This swami couple, one from India and the other from the United States, share some valuable insights on relationships.

What is the purpose of men and women having a relationship?

Shree Maa:  For the illumination of true consciousness and bliss, it is necessary for the masculine and feminine principles to unite, for men and women to harmonize their various natures to work together.

Swamiji: When you put the qualities of men and women together, you have a more dynamic capacity for working effectively in creation. If a man can treat a woman like a Goddess, she will turn him into a God. If a woman can treat her man like a God, he will make her into a Goddess.

How do you treat someone like a God or a Goddess?

Shree Maa: Love and respect them with all your heart.
Swamiji: Completely surrender to your partner.

Wow.  That’s pretty good frosting on the cake.  A goddess and a god.  This same swami counseled my partner and me recently with one solid piece of relationship advice:  "Just love. The rest is bulls**t." 

So, that’s what love has to do with it.
 

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