Zombie Outbreak Survival: The Definitive Zombie Apocalypse Survival Test
The Answers!
In my previous articles, you will find Parts 1 and 2 of the definitive test. Use these articles (and the next few) to check your zombie outbreak survival learning curve. In this article, I will continue discussing the correct answers, leaving you with plenty of food for thought. I’ll cover the answers to questions 21 - 30.
21. Which of the following things can be eaten if you have to survive during a zombie apocalypse and there is no other food?
a) Bugs.
b) Rats.
c) Pets.
d) All the above…if it moves you can probably eat it.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: I am a USMC survival instructor (plus escape and evasion) with certifications in jungle, desert, and urban survival. And yes, I failed the cold weather “arctic” survival course only due to injury and I never attempted the mountain survival course, but I’m sure I could have passed the mountain course too, if I went in the summer time. So, you can eat just about anything that moves...including road kill. There are a lot of things I don’t recommend the average Joe “wuss” try to eat, because getting nauseous and sick can be a game-ender just as fast as a zombie bite. With a mind for surviving in the worst environments, you need to have some idea of what “natural” things around you are fit for human consumption. A great resource to have handy is a locally produced survival guide with colorful pictures of all the plants and animals and preparation tips. The average Joe can go without eating for about a week before he or she starts to really lose their grip—two weeks before they start to really starve to death. In contrast, you really aren’t going to live much longer than a few days without water. This is why water is your primary resource to locate in the apocalypse. People are omnivores and can eat pretty much anything. Okay...I was once presented with a larger than hand-sized spider, grilled rotisserie style on a stick to eat in the Panama jungle (1989), and then and there I decided that I would never let eating a giant jungle spider ever be my only survival option. I didn’t eat the spider. Maybe if I had ground it up into a paste and mixed it with some beetles and grasses...yeah, maybe then I would eat it. Lizard; yes – Snails; yes – Turtles; yes – Spiders; no (not me) – Skunks; no (not me). The point is, you need to have some idea now of what your tolerances are for odd things to eat. Find out now how tasty rats and crickets are. Find out now what tastes better raw compared to grilled. Find out now what tastes much better or not much better at all with Tabasco Sauce (the eat anything that moves secret weapon).
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22. Which of the following survival skills is the most important in a pandemic zombie pandemonium event?
a) The ability to lead.
b) Charisma and the ability to make friends.
c) The ability to cook.
d) The ability to treat wounds.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: When it comes down to personal traits that can make the difference between life and death when the shit hits the fan, having friends, making friends, and convincing people to help you, also known as Charisma, is pretty valuable. Your ability to create and navigate a dependable network of associates who are interested in your success will take you far in a zombie apocalypse. You may not be the best fighter, shooter, engineer, EMT, or cook, but if you have plenty of friends who are, that’s almost just as good. Sure, charisma factors into a lot of personal skills like leadership, negotiating, and conflict resolution. The person with negotiation skills tries to take advantage of market value to get the most for the least. The leader tries to get a number of people to follow them towards a set of goals. The person with charisma is skilled at getting something for almost nothing. You have to appreciate these differences. If you are not good at people skills, then make sure there is someone on your team, in your immediate network, who is.
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23. In a classic pandemic zombie outbreak that piggy-backs a deadly pandemic flu event, what is more likely to kill you?
a) Zombies
b) The flu
c) Kids
d) Bad guys; assholes
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: The flu is already one of the most deadly viruses year to year world-wide. Plenty of outbreak models from Harvard and other disease control centers show that a pandemic zombie outbreak just isn’t possible without a deadly pandemic flu outbreak. That’s good news—pandemic zombie outbreaks can’t sneak up on us. Before there’s a pandemic zombie outbreak, we will have a major deadly flu outbreak. Even after the pandemic zombie outbreak starts, the flu is still more likely to kill you than a zombie. Why? Zombies have to bite you to kill you. A deadly pandemic flu strain can just hover in the air, or wait on a door knob, or move person to person through routine contact, and it will still be just as deadly after the zombie outbreak as it was before the zombie outbreak. The flu virus will take out most of us and the zombies will try to take out what’s left. I might even put zombies as third in line because sadly a lot of us will take each other out if the flu doesn’t get us.
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24. As a general zombie pandemonium survival rule, you should ALWAYS…
a) Kill the zombie closest to you.
b) Shoot first and ask questions later.
c) Shoot any asshole that threatens your survival.
d) All of the above.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: All of the above.
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25. As a general zombie apocalypse survival rule, you should NEVER…
a) Go out at night.
b) Get married and have kids.
c) Shoot at things if you are not absolutely sure of what they are.
d) Leave the city.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: In a zombie apocalypse, you will have to go out at night often, you need to be ready to often shoot at things you may not be able to immediately identify, and you will want to leave the city as soon as possible. Survival in a zombie outbreak pandemonium is also about simplicity. If you can streamline your life, your lifestyle, your basic needs, then you are better suited to surviving the end of the world. If you want to make surviving the zombie apocalypse harder than it already will be, maybe you relish the challenge, then go ahead and add the baggage of a spouse and kids. Of course a kick-ass bad-ass spouse helps your chances; kids almost always decrease your chances, unless they are older kids who can be bad-asses in training. Later on, I’ll have to do a separate article about surviving a zombie apocalypse if you have children with you. There is a way—a much harder way. There is some recent research on zombies and kids, but it’s not from a reputable source, because no reputable source would ever conduct zombie and children experiments.
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26. Which of the following statements is true about typical zombies?
a) Zombies can read your mind.
b) Zombies can’t dance.
c) Zombies are afraid of crucifixes and never enter holy ground like a church.
d) Zombies have no emotions.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: This question is in regard to typical zombies which are generally considered to be stage 2 and 3 zombies. We would have to write a whole other set of test questions about atypical zombies. Typical zombies have no emotions. “Listen, and understand. That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pain, pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.” You can’t shoot at a zombie’s feet and make it run away. Typical zombies cannot read your mind. In several recorded outbreaks, typical zombies have shown no higher level brain activity than that which is required to attack and bite to spread the Z-virus. However, zombies at all stages are sensitive to the EMFs (electromagnetic fields) generated by living things. Scientists at Texas A&M have proven than zombies at all stages are electroreceptive. In theory, all higher animals have latent mechanosensory electroreceptor potential, which was a precursor to developing evolved bioccular vision. I don’t want to take this discussion to deep, but when the earliest animals were developing billions of years ago, electroreception was the primary way to make your way around the primordial world. I hope that’s simple enough. This ability surfaces again in a Z-virus infected brain. The Z-virus compromises most of the brain’s functions, but in order for the zombie to have any chance of infecting and spreading the virus, its latent electroreceptor potential is amplified. So even if you wear your best camouflage and smell like a zombie, a zombie will detect that your EMF is different than the zombies around it. Like sharks are aware electrically to things in the water, zombies are sensitive/aware electrically to non-zombies. This ability later paired with heightened pheromone sensitivity in higher stage zombies (stage 4 through 6), which I discussed in a previous article, might make you think that zombies start to eventually exhibit an ability to read your mind. Well they just can’t, but what they can do is often better than reading your mind for what they intend to do to you. Of course it’s been proven that, zombies can dance if you play the right music. A zombie dancer will sometimes dance. The best music was proven to be heavy metal (acid) head-banger music, which can make hordes of zombies twitch around to the rhythm erratically. This can work as a zombie distraction if you are desperate. Zombies are not influenced by witchcraft, or symbology, or religious artifacts, race and gender biases, sports team affiliations, or political parties if you were wondering.
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27. A friend is preparing for the impending global pandemic zombie outbreak. He constructs a safe shelter out of the storm shelter in his backyard. What’s wrong with his plan?
a) Storm shelters are designed to protect you from storms and not deadly pandemic viral events and zombie apocalypses.
b) Unless that storm shelter has at least a second and secret exit, it’s probably just going to be his tomb.
c) It’s in his backyard.
d) All of the above highlight what’s wrong with this friend’s plan.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: If you live anywhere near tornado alley like I do, a storm shelter is a great and proven way to survive tornados and hurricanes. They are not designed to survive zombie apocalypses. The best zombie shelter will at least be in a remote location with multiple ways to get out or escape if necessary. I happened to catch the TV show Doomsday Preppers on national Geographic, which I recommend you watch to get some ideas. However, you need to appreciate how preparing for emergencies and natural disasters like earthquakes and even preparing for China to invade America because Obama sold us out (sarcasm) is just different from preparing for a global pandemic zombie apocalypse. The best shelters on this TV show look like small military forts and small prisons, whereas the best shelter in a zombie apocalypse just may be a small log cabin, high in the mountains.
Doomsday Preppers: (http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/channel/doomsday-preppers/videos/doomsday-preppers-season-2-preview/)
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28. Zombies are everywhere. You are all alone. Which of these would be the best place to create a zombie pandemonium survival shelter?
a) A boat.
b) The mountains.
c) A prison.
d) The sewers.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: The world is covered by a lot of water. A boat can take you places and zombies can’t swim or drive boats for that matter. I recommend a sail boat. Just remember that where ever you go, you will need clean drinking water. Seawater is not as easy to make into drinking water as you might think. Obviously, the best shelter is the one you have, but you should always look for better shelters.
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29. Zombies are everywhere. You are all alone. Which of these would be the best place to create a zombie pandemonium survival shelter?
a) A church.
b) A ranch.
c) A mall.
d) A movie theater.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: Look for a place that doesn’t have windows, that has a way in that you can block and defend, and has multiple ways to escape out of if something goes wrong. Of all these choices, the movie theater is the best choice. The next time you go to the movies, take a look around and make a note of how easy or hard it would be to make the building into your zombie survival shelter (one of them).
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30. Zombies are everywhere. You are all alone. Which of these would be the best place to create a zombie pandemonium survival shelter?
a) A ten story building.
b) A five story building.
c) A skyscraper.
d) A farm house.
e) None of these because zombies are not real.
Discussion: In looking for a shelter, try to find a place with hardly any windows and doors and with multiple floors. A multi-storied building is a great choice. Consider blocking off the entire first level and using a rope ladder to enter your building on the second floor. You could even make a rope swing from one building to another building as your way of getting into your shelter. Zombies can’t climb rope ladders or use rope swings. You also need to make sure this place has an easy escape plan, which is why I think the 5-story building is better than the 10-story building. If you are forced to shelter in the top of a skyscraper, consider a parachute as your escape plan.
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Again, your goal is to get 100% correct. So how did you do on these questions? If you suck, don’t worry, I will keep posting remedial zombie survival articles for those of you who need to try again. Go back and read my earliest zombie apocalypse survival articles in the mean time.
I’ll pick-up the discussion of the next ten test questions in my next article.
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