Skip to main content
  1. Life
  2. Relationships
  3. Relationship Advice

Zip up 101

See also

It is so incredibly awkward to take a walk around town with your fly open, but the real question would be is that on purpose or did you just go?

Here is a list of 7 things you should check right before you get out of your abode and another 5 things you have to check while you're out there:

1. Before you fully awake, roll in bed a few times and make sure you got a good back or else you might find yourself cracking it all day and look like you're having some sort of a medical attack.

2. Get up out of the sack and head towards the loo; do not sit in bed or waste time staring at stuff-- it is so useless.

3. Wash up with cold water so that you are awakened and clean-- and when you blow your nose, make sure your head is close to the sink so that your buggers don't end up in weird places.

4. Put some clothes on. We are not that forward in our minds yet, so you might want to think twice about leaving the house naked.

5. If there's a zipper, check it twice to make sure it's up. Also test out your outerwear. Sit on a chair and feel your back-- if you can feel that butt line, change... even if you are a construction worker.

6. When you leave, make sure you lock up, and do not under any circumstances put a key underneath the mat. The first place the B&E criminal will check will be right there.

7. Make sure you check your zipper once more if you got one-- an open fly is not complimentory. If you have to go, make a conscious effort to remember the zipping up process.

8. If you drive, make sure the engine runs for at least 5 minutes before you go go and that your zipper is up. If not, you have my sympathy.

9. When you're on the road, roll down the windows while playing loud music, and sing along... oh wait, don't do that; but if you must, lock up the doors and zip up your pants so that you won't get what you deserve.

10. Don't be an idiot. You don't have to zip up if you have a long shirt on and have eaten a ton of food so far. Duh.

11. Don't be fooled to let it hang if you're in the privacy of your own vehicle-- someone might see and you will be marred for life.

12. Always take someone with you wherever you go. In case you forget something, at least he/she can make sure your fly is always up and that will save you from much embarrassment.

13. Upon arriving at your destination, please be sure to check your fly one last time - if you got one - and continue with your journey to the unknown.

That's all.

Advertisement

Life

  • Tom Petty
    Seven overlooked videos that prove the genius of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
    Today's Buzz
  • Gaylord Pickens
    Discover Gaylord-Pickens Oklahoma Heritage Museum dollar days
    Camera
    6 Photos
  • Yoga poses
    Learn how to strengthen your core muscles with these yoga poses
    Camera
    5 Photos
  • Baby boomer STD rates
    Sexually transmitted diseases: Baby boomers booming STD rates
    Camera
    7 Photos
  • Open relationships
    Are you thinking about exercising your option to be in an open relationship?
    Camera
    5 Photos
  • Medical symptoms
    See which symptoms should cause you to seek a doctor’s attention right away
    Camera
    6 Photos