Your Mother's a Tea-Bagger

Courtesy of DAVID WEIGEL

Hey folks! Lookin’ for something to do this Wednesday? Something that is not only patriotic, but fun? Then come on down to Joe’s Truck n Tow and tea-bag the heck out of your community April 15th!

That’s right, with that scary Tiger Woods guy in the white house trying to give us all health care, trying to perform a government rescue of the failed banks, raising the tax rate on your rich neighbors across town by 3 percentage points, and, worst of all, passing and incredibly large stimulus, there is only one way to combat his package. Tea-bag it.

So come and come hard to voice your protest and say “no! I don’t want healthcare” by tea-bagging the President’s package with your local Republican member of congress for fun, food, and hot tea-bagging action!

Tea-bag with your spouse. Tea-bag with your kids. Heck, bring Grandma down for some good old-fashioned tea-bagging! I guarantee she’ll want to tea-bag every weekend!

This will be your chance to share in the long tradition of non-violent protest that has been with the United States since before it’s founding (But bring your unlicensed assault rifle just in case.) Remember, it was those patriots in the Boston Harbor that dumped crates of tea into the ocean because the British Government was taxing the tea without representing the colonists in their Parliament. And now, we are faced with a similar predicament. Because we are being taxed without representation! And by taxed, of course, I mean my friends that make over 250,000 dollars getting their income tax raised by 3%. And by “without representation,” I mean that we got voted out of office by the electorate.

And if you think tea-bagging was fun, just imagine how much fun you’ll have with our next grass-roots campaign (and by grass-roots, I mean a campaign thought up and sponsored by Corporate Lobbyists and promoted by Fox News) … “2 M4M.” What does that stands for?.... “Two Million For Marriage,” to protest the Gay Marriage “craze” that’s been sweeping the country. Interesting, though, I seem to see a lot of advertisements for 2 M4M in the West Hollywood personals section… What’s that about? I also see a lot of invitations for tea-bagging activities in the San Fernando Valley... Hmm.