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Your marriage is a teaching tool

Young blessed marriages
Young blessed marriages
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From; “Children are keen observers of their parents' marriage. Whether or not you are aware of it, your children are noticing the large and the small details of your marital relationship. The truth is, most children are aware of many "private" exchanges their parents assume are beyond their comprehension—a small gesture of comfort, a hostile glance.

While your children may not be talking to you about what they are learning, they are drawing conclusions about "what happens" to people who are married. These conclusions will become a permanent part of their beliefs and expectations, and will prepare them to form their own marital relationships when they are older.” Have you ever given much thought to what your unspoken lessons are to your children?

What sort of marriage might you predict they will have based on watching you? On the scale of 1 to 10, 10 being good, where would you rate yours? Have your ever thought about what type characteristics you son has, what kind of husband will he make, what might your daughter being looking for and what kind of wife will she make? Base your answers on what you feel they might be getting from your marriage.

For what it’s worth, both of our boys grew up to be God fearing men, we think our daughter-n-laws truly feel blessed. Our daughters, we pray, will find husbands that are good willed men of God. Of course you have to allow for the individuals your children will become, there is always traits of your marriage that will follow them. Sometimes finding a “mama’s boy” can lead to unhealthy marriages, finding the “Daddy’s girl” can bring on trouble too.

Helping them find balance, yet have the confidence to leave out on their own is key. Here is some food for thought; the marriage rate continues to decline in the United States. In fact, there has been a decline of over 50% from 1970 – 2010 in the annual number of marriages in every 1000 unmarried adult women. (The State of Our Unions 2011, 60) Could this be because our children are becoming more and more afraid of making the commitment?

And those that are committing, could it be their parent’s marriage was unhealthy, maybe that’s what this statistic shows; The percentage of married individuals, over the age of 18, who respond that their marriages are “very happy” has gradually declined over the last four decades, though the numbers have leveled out in the past 20 years. The most recent studies show that 63.1% of men and 60.7% of women classify their marriages as such. (The State of Our Unions 2011, 66)

Ok, question, why would being “very happy” be on the decline? Have our kids learned from today’s marriages to just settle, are they thinking “this is just as good as gets” Maybe things were unhealthy at home so they took the first train out. Maybe the perceived lesson your son learned about respect was deceiving and has led him down a path of marital destruction.

Wives, what has your daughter learned to look for in husband? This generation of new marriages, just maybe, has the odds stacked against them…and why? We have taken God out everything else, maybe that’s the problem. “The rate of satisfaction in marriage is higher for husbands and wives when both regularly maintain religious attendance and feel that God is the center of their marriage.” (The State of Our Unions 2011, 31, 33) Maybe there is way to get “broken homes” on the decline instead. Just something for our newlyweds to consider.

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