For every workplace scenario there are hundreds of books and millions of articles to assist you with your concerns and questions. But, let's face it. Nobody has time to read that nonsense. In fact, you probably stopped reading this article before you reached the end of this sentence. If not, congratulations.
All workplace issues can be properly resolved by asking yourself one simple question: What Would Ron Swanson Do (WWRSD)? For those who don't know Ron Swanson, he's the greatest TV character of the new millenium. Ron's simple, straight, no nonsense approach will lead you to a successful and stress free career. Here are 15 examples of how WWRSD will change your work life forever:
Issue #1:
I work in an open environment where everyone can just walk by my 3 walled cube and talk to me. It can be quite distracting.
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
Ron Swanson depsises interacting with people and would not ask for permission to make a private space. He'd just build his own private office. Ron once said, "The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."
Issue #2:
My workplace cafeteria is awful, I'm too lazy to bring a lunch, and too busy to leave work to go to lunch.
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
Unless your workplace cafeteria was an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet, Ron Swanson wouldn't be caught dead there. Worst case scenario, Ron would likely have a large stash of beef jerky in emergency situations. But it doesn't matter. Ron would never be in a situation that left him unable to leave the office for lunch. Food takes priority over work. Always. Ron once said, "I am off to have a mid-morning pre-lunch with my lady friend, but I will be back in time for lunch."
Issue #3:
People don't respect my authority and I'm their manager
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
Ron does not demand respect. He earns it. He's Ron f**king Swanson. If you must, grow a well groomed mustache.
Issue #4:
I just got promoted and I want to celebrate but I don't want to rub it in the face of my coworkers.
What would Ron Swanson Do?
Ron does not believe in emotion. Particularly positive emotions. Whenever possible, remain neutral and level headed. In rare circumstances, it is okay to get incredibly agitated. Like if a beloved steakhouse closes. As mentioned by Ron Swanson, he has only cried once, when he was hit by a bus at age seven.
Issue #5:
A coworker of mine is always asking me if I need any help with my work. It's very annoying.
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
This person wouldn't be asking Ron Swanson twice. After one attempt, Ron Swanson would it make it very clear that he knows more than they do. Game over.
Issue #6:
The people who sit around my desk are always talking about entertainment news and I feel left out.
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
Remain left out, and remain proudly left out. As Ron Swanson once said, Julia Roberts is the "toothy gal from Mystic Pizza".
Issue #7:
I just severely injured myself at my desk and might need some help.
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
Refuse treatment and assistance at all costs. For god's sake, have some dignity.
Issue #8:
Should an attempt be made to shore up a difficult relationship with a colleague?
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
Absolutely not. Ron Swanson once said, "On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time."
Issue #9
A woman is interviewing for a job dressed like a prostitute. Everyone seems to like her but I'm not sure.
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
Ron Swanson would not hire her. Ron once said, "Strippers do nothing for me. I like a strong, salt of the Earth, self-possessed woman at the top of her field. Your Steffi Grafs, your Sheryl Swoopeses, but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace."
Issue #10
There are people smoking in undesignated areas outside the office. I want to do something about it.
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
Individual freedoms must be protected. Ron Swanson once said, "The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful."
Issue #11
I feel like I'm not being recognized for the good work I've done
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
Ron would not want recognition for good work nor would he want people to even notice him, ever. Ron once said, "Awards are stupid, which is why I fully intend to decline this nonsense and recommend it go to Leslie because she works really hard and I don't. However, she cares way too much about crap like this, which is why I can't pass up this opportunity to tease her about it."
Issue #12
My project is getting held up by ridiculous compliance and standards audits.
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
Don't ask for permission. Apologize later. Ron does not believe in mandates and guidelines. He once said, "No, I'm bringing my workshop up to the Swanson code. And if the Swanson code happens to overlap with the city government code..."
Issue #13
I'd like to stick my neck out for a person at the office but I'm not sure if it's worth it.
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
While it may seem unlike him, Ron is a man who recognizes good work. He's also a man who limits what he endorses. Choose wisely. Ron once said, "I won't publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are US Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton's Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence fine two inch style oscillating knife blade."
Issue #14
I'm struggling on whether to keep the job in-house or outsource it to contractors.
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
Ron would unequivocally keep it in-house. Ron once said, "I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief."
Issue #15
Do we go with something elaborate or something simple?
What Would Ron Swanson Do?
No context is needed here. Simplicity always wins. "Straight down the middle, no hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating."
No context is needed here. Simplicity always wins. "Straight down the middle, no hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating."
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