It’s a tale as old as time.
Girl falls in love. Girl stops calling friends. Friends hate girl.
Just because you have fallen in love does not give your friends an excuse to make you feel lame.
If you enjoy staying in on the weekends instead of partying until the wee hours in the morning, you should not feel guilty about it.
If you are in love and see yourself marrying this person, there really is no such thing as spending “too much time” together. No one has the right to decide how much time you should spend with another person. Trust your gut. (Note: this is all assuming you are in a healthy and happy relationship. If your friends do not like you hanging around this person because they do not feel it is a healthy relationship, that is a whole different story).
When friendships change, even slightly, it isn’t easy. Life is constantly changing, but our twenties are an unpredictable whirlwind. It is important to have a few good friends we can always rely on. But just because you do not designate a weekly happy hour like you used to, does not mean you are a flake that doesn’t care about your friendships. It means your priorities have shifted. And this is a perspective too many women fail to take.
One of the saddest things that can happen in a friendship is shaming someone for doing something that makes them happy.
Do not let yourself be guilt tripped into going out on nights you would rather stay in, even if the only thing you plan to do watch five straight episodes of “Orange is the New Black”. Do not let anyone make you feel lame for not stepping foot inside of a bar for the third weekend in a row. Bars are fun. But only when you feel like being in one. Some of the best memories can happen in bars. But that does not mean life doesn’t exist outside of them. Don’t confuse a fun nightlife with having a life. Don’t stop building a meaningful life and relationship because the people who enjoy partying every weekend make you feel like you are missing out.
If your friends fail to see that you are happier staying in and happier doing whatever it is you’re doing, they are probably not realizing that just because you do not want to go out at night with them doesn’t mean you don’t want to spend time with them. Often, when you tell them you do not want to go out with them they are probably hearing “I’m better than that” or “my time is better spent elsewhere.”
Adjusting your social life and choosing hang-over free weekends is not a reflection of how you feel about your friends. In fact, it should have nothing to do with your friends. When you’re honest with yourself, amazing changes happen. Whether or not your friends are accepting of those changes is none of your business. It’s their problem, not yours.
The most important thing to remember is to not take it personally. If you are truly happy with how you are spending your time, what does it matter if others do not approve? But before you write off your friends as being selfish and narrow minded— consider whether or not they are making a valid point. Have you made a solid effort to make plans with them lately? Being busy is not an excuse. It’s okay if the man in your life has become your most important relationship, but he is not the only relationship.
The most precious thing someone can offer another person is their time. Yes, guys come and go. But the thing is, so do friends. And if you are lucky enough to meet your once in a lifetime love when you are young, don’t let it pass you by because your friends are making you feel guilty for not going out and drinking. If you value your friendships, make sure you are spending enough time keeping them a priority— but never compromise your happiness to do something you do not want to do. If someone is a true friend, they will realize and accept what is best for you and whatever point you are at in your life. Never let someone make you feel guilty for how you choose to spend your time, or who you want to spend it with. Healthy relationships are supposed to feel good and, when they stop feeling that way, it might be time to move on.