The amount of trust couples must have in each other in any relationship is ginormous. And in a long distance relationship, it goes without saying that trust is maybe the most important component. Certain decisions by one partner or the other can compromise that trust, no matter how seemingly small. This writer experienced one of those “small” things, so I’m here to warn you readers: Do not freeze your partner out of decisions that you make in your life, no matter how humdrum.
Your personality type may be that of a person who’s most comfortable making decisions on his or her own. But there’s someone out there who wants to be a part of your life despite the distance between you. Even if you don’t believe that your choice is particularly important or interesting, or you don’t think that your lover needs to know about it, you must consider the potential damage done if you are discovered to be keeping secrets. Smothering a piece of information and trying to keep it hidden for any reason is a disaster waiting to happen. The only three outcomes are, 1: you successfully keep your secret and have to carry the stress around with you, and unless you’re a professional liar, you will feel the stress; 2: your partner finds out the secret from someone else, which will cause a rift, not as severe as if you were caught cheating, but similar in planting seeds of mistrust; or 3: my situation, where I couldn’t bear keeping the secret and told my partner, making her have to come to terms with my secret live on the phone, which was an unpleasant conversation for both of us.
Some long distance couples have already had this confrontation and have set ground rules for what’s important—what needs to be shared--and what isn’t. Since every relationship is unique, perhaps this topic doesn’t really apply to some. Maybe you’ve already told him that he can have his “boyz night out” without filling you in on every detail, or maybe she knows not to bore you with the latest happenings with her girlfriends. That’s fine, but it’s the decisions that you choose not to share that can cause trouble. Discuss everything with your honey, and decide from there if certain topics don’t have to be talked about. And definitely chat about something that can have an effect on both of you, such as a new employment opportunity or coming into some money. Take advantage of having someone to share your life with, no matter how mundane the events. Keeping your lover in the loop is healthy for the future of your long distance relationship, and can bring you even closer together.