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You must value "me" before becoming "we"

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There have been many new marriages and relationships sparking and developing around me. In the joy and excitement of newness, there is also concern for what the future holds. Many couples that have been together for 10 or more years will advise you that taking it day by day is the best way. Some will advise you to plan for the future as you are taking it day by day. And even more will insist that you do all the above and make sure that you are taking care of "me" as you continue to work towards being a better "we".

This last advice works for new and old couples, but it is vital for those of us that are single because without a happy "me" there can be no healthy "we". Relationships take work, but as you are embarking on them your personal stuff has the tendency to surface. The stuff that make us who we are. The stuff that has been protecting us from harm for many years. That stuff that we have learned to live with. The stuff that at times blocks our blessings because it is besieged with fear and anger. Books will advise you to check it at the door and walk towards relationship bliss. The problem is some of that stuff feels very good and like a warm blanket on a cold day, we do not want to part with it.

So what does "me" do?

"Me" looks at the stuff and when I interact with someone I care about and some of the stuff makes me anxious, I forgive my stuff and "me" and start creating new stuff that works with "we".

This means that we are human. This means I love "me" enough to not be afraid of what I see when I am "we". This means that I can also understand my partner's stuff and not take it personally. It means I can at times begin to drop my stuff gradually until new and better stuff wraps around me so that "me" can become a healthier and happier "we".

Do not be afraid of commitment, relationships, and marriage. You will always have stuff. Just know that as you grow in trust, love, understanding, and courage, your stuff will begin to evolve and change too. But, on the other hand, if your stuff is telling you to run for the hills please listen. This advice is not an invitation to invite crazy into your life. Stuff can protect you from crazy but it can also make you run right for it if you are not careful.

At the end of the day, you will eventually find a "we" where your stuff can evolve in peace. And where "me" and "we" can co-exist with out insanity.



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