Skip to main content
  1. Life
  2. Relationships
  3. Dating

You must value "me" before becoming "we"

See also

There have been many new marriages and relationships sparking and developing around me. In the joy and excitement of newness, there is also concern for what the future holds. Many couples that have been together for 10 or more years will advise you that taking it day by day is the best way. Some will advise you to plan for the future as you are taking it day by day. And even more will insist that you do all the above and make sure that you are taking care of "me" as you continue to work towards being a better "we".

This last advice works for new and old couples, but it is vital for those of us that are single because without a happy "me" there can be no healthy "we". Relationships take work, but as you are embarking on them your personal stuff has the tendency to surface. The stuff that make us who we are. The stuff that has been protecting us from harm for many years. That stuff that we have learned to live with. The stuff that at times blocks our blessings because it is besieged with fear and anger. Books will advise you to check it at the door and walk towards relationship bliss. The problem is some of that stuff feels very good and like a warm blanket on a cold day, we do not want to part with it.

So what does "me" do?

"Me" looks at the stuff and when I interact with someone I care about and some of the stuff makes me anxious, I forgive my stuff and "me" and start creating new stuff that works with "we".

This means that we are human. This means I love "me" enough to not be afraid of what I see when I am "we". This means that I can also understand my partner's stuff and not take it personally. It means I can at times begin to drop my stuff gradually until new and better stuff wraps around me so that "me" can become a healthier and happier "we".

Do not be afraid of commitment, relationships, and marriage. You will always have stuff. Just know that as you grow in trust, love, understanding, and courage, your stuff will begin to evolve and change too. But, on the other hand, if your stuff is telling you to run for the hills please listen. This advice is not an invitation to invite crazy into your life. Stuff can protect you from crazy but it can also make you run right for it if you are not careful.

At the end of the day, you will eventually find a "we" where your stuff can evolve in peace. And where "me" and "we" can co-exist with out insanity.

Advertisement

Life

  • Transgender cop
    A transgender police officer is stepping down from her position to run for office
    Video
    Political Office
  • Easter eggs
    Craft delicate, hand-painted eggs with flowers and other designs celebrating spring
    Camera
    Easter Eggs
  • Subway message
    Subway customer finds 'Big Mama' written on her order
    Video
    Subway Message
  • Working from home
    Working from home can be an exciting venture. Get tips to ensure productivity
    Camera
    Get Tips
  • Limes
    Rising cost of limes could be putting the squeeze on your favorite restaurant
    Expensive Limes
  • Pope Francis
    Religion: Pope Francis instructs how to fight against Satan
    Morning Mass

User login

Log in
Sign in with your email and password. Or reset your password.
Write for us
Interested in becoming an Examiner and sharing your experience and passion? We're always looking for quality writers. Find out more about Examiner.com and apply today!