The fear of rejection, the fear of disappointment, or the fear of being hurt in a relationship, if not controlled, can cause major problems in your relationship and eventually break it apart.
It is so easy to believe that external things hold the power in your relationship. We think money or the lack of it determines how much someone will love us. We think other people’s behavior or mere existence determines our happiness in our relationship, so that if there were no other men, for example, then we will be happier, because we would not have to be afraid of losing our partner to another man. Or if our partner had no ex-boyfriend(s), or male friends or coworkers, or acquaintances, or even relatives, then everything would be ok. Some people live on the assumption that the only way their relationship will be safe and secure or lasting is if they were the only pair left on earth.
Fear is ultimately more powerful than your outer circumstances in determining whether you will experience happiness, stability, peace and harmony, or pain and despair in your relationship. When you love in fear, you are much less loving and often more angry; much less trusting and way more suspicious of your partner and everybody she interacts with. This attitude creates more problems in your relationship – problems of jealousy, bitterness, control, arguments, fights and so forth, which can make you grow apart. You miss out on true love when you love in fear.
Fear and love are two powerful emotions that originate from our thoughts. Every single moment, you have a choice between the two. You can choose to think with love so that you can behave lovingly and more likely attract love from your partner; or you can choose to act out of fear and alienate your partner and everybody else she interacts with. Fear-imbued love tends not to look like love or even fear; but more like anger or jealousy. It also elicits reactions from your partner that mirror your fear and not your love.
Every moment in your relationship, you have a chance to change your thoughts and think more lovingly without fear, so that you can have the power to create harmony, peace and joy in your relationship. With every thought, you have the power to trust or mistrust, praise or blame, forgive or judge, honor or dishonor your partner.
Loving fearlessly begins with loving yourself and feeling secure enough about yourself to believe that your partner loves you for your uniqueness, and will thus love only you, because there is only one you and no other like you. That is self-love: a belief in your self-worth, and an appreciation for your uniqueness.
Self-love is the most basic test of love; if you fail at it, you fail at love. When you love yourself wholly, then you can love your partner wholly and fearlessly. So think about it, and think about it some more; for he who loves in fear, loves not.
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