HUNTSVILLE, Alabama (Examiner.com) - You walk in the door after a long day at work. You hang up your coat in the same closet it has hung in for years. Toss your keys on the table next to the door which has gotten a little scratched since you first moved into this home with your new wife to settle down and start a family so long ago. You think to yourself, 'One of these days I am going to get around to refinishing that table...'
As you walk through the living room, you notice how quiet the place is ('Where's the kids off to?') and then you see the letter sitting there on the mantle with your name on it. 'What is this?' you mumble as you pull down the letter. You unfold it and begin to read...
'There no easy way to say this. I'm sorry, I want a divorce...'
In an instant, your entire world is flipped upside down. Nothing will ever be the same.
In that moment, every emotion hits you at once and you feel as if you are going to be sick. It is easy to respond with anger or to be hurt by such a life-altering occurrence. It is important to realize in this moment that your next few decisions could determine your future happiness and security. If you have children, it is essential that you maintain a clear head so that you can be there for them during this tragedy.
'What do I do now?'
Try talking to your spouse to resolve your differences or suggest trying marital counseling in an attempt to prevent the divorce. You have to remember that your children will suffer the most from the divorce. As a parent, you should exhaust all available remedies to prevent dissolution of the marriage if at all possible.
Marriage counseling is often covered through employee assistance plans provided by employers so check with your HR department to see if you qualify. If you are not covered or cannot afford professional counseling, check with some of your local churches. Many churches offer marital counseling services, even to nonmembers. You could try attending church with your spouse if you do not already.
If afterward you are still unsuccessful in resolving your differences, or your spouse is reluctant to try for compromise, one of the first things you should do is contact an attorney.
You should be selective when choosing an attorney (the Alabama State Bar Association can help with that search) and prepare to obtain a basic knowledge of Alabama divorce law. Not all attorneys are created equal, and having some knowledge of your rights will help you determine if your attorney is really working for your interests.
There are two main types of divorce, contested and uncontested. The first is the most expensive, and why you should always strive to maintain good relations with your spouse despite the impending separation. Contested divorce entails hours of attorney negotiations (charged at $250 per hour or more), and leaves your fate, and that of your children, in the hands of a family court judge. The consequences are sometimes disastrous.
An uncontested divorce is one where you and your spouse mutually agree on all the terms of the divorce without the necessity of court intervention. This is the least expensive option, and often you can find the information you need online at places such as LegalZoom.com or your local law library. However, you should always have any agreement reviewed by a trusted attorney before you sign any legal documents. If you cannot afford an attorney, you can contact Legal Services of Alabama for help.
It is important that you do not face divorce alone. Often friends and family can offer comfort and advice. Many churches also have divorce support groups available to help people cope by sharing their experience with others going through the same thing.
Stay strong, and be there for your kids. Make sure you hold their best interests above your own throughout the divorce. Do not use them as pawns or emotional weapons against the other spouse. You should try to avoid all appearance of dispute when in their presence. They can feel it anyway, so don't make it worse on them than it has to be.
With a little time, love, patience, and perseverance you will get through this. It seems like the end of the world, but it could be the beginning of a happier future. Make sure that future is a happy one for your kids by taking the proper steps to protect yourself and your children. Divorce is not something you can ignore. When you are served with divorce papers, you have to take action quickly. Make sure that action is with an eye on your children and their future. After all, it is the least you could do for your kids.
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