You don't have to be alone

One of the greatest challenges of being considered disabled, along with getting decent health care, a job that actually suits your skills, and an education (along with everything else) is finding your life partner.

Many of the disabled have spouses and families and also have great stories about how they met that special someone. If you're disabled and lonely, maybe one of these stories can inspire you. .

Hunt with the pack

Mike plays basketball and is working toward his first marathon. He generally hangs out with other wheeled athletes, which is how he met his wife, Annie. One of his teammates was new to basketball, and Mike went to his house to coach him. That was where he met Annie, his teammate's sister. She thought he was too aggressive as a player, but when he fixed the family's clothes dryer in less than ten minutes she decided he was worth a conversation or two.

"She took some convincing," remarks Mike, "but we went to a movie where we had to sit in the first row, and to her church, where we had to sit in the first row, and to my church, where we had to sit in the back." Annie liked the way Mike could fend off the usual stupid questions from strangers with a joke.

Mike also asked his teammates for advice on where to go for dates, how to talk with Annie about his life and hers, and, eventually, how to propose. The good news is that he already had Annie's parents convinced he was a good match for her, and his teammates helped set up a romantic picnic in the park as the place where Mike would propose. Being guys, they thought huge slabs of barbacued ribs would be a good entree.

Don't expect the usual

Stephanie had dated a couple of guys, some Deaf, some not, and she was tired of it all. She went to a poetry slam and was having a terrible time reading the lips of the performers, who seemed to enjoy speaking to a back wall rather than the audience. She went out to get a soft drink and literally ran into Jon, who was trying to pick out a pastry from an overly full tray.

"Lousy slam, lousy food," he laughed. "And you're standing on my foot." She could read his lips perfectly but was so busy looking at his face she had forgotten where her feet were.

They've been dating for about a year. Stephanie thinks he's the one, and Jon seems to feel the same about her. They've had some glitches in communication because Jon can't tell where Stephanie is standing sometimes, and faces the wrong way when he talks, but she's learned a few tricks. One is that she wears a distinctive perfume so Jon can get a pretty good idea of where she is all the time.

Everybody knows somebody

Mary Louise became a widow at 24. Her husband was only 27. She didn't date again until she was in her thirties, then gave up for a while to go back to school. A couple of times her fellow students would try to introduce her to someone, but she just wasn't ready and too busy to consider dating again. Finally, when she graduated, got a new job and moved to a new city, she ran into one of her former coworkers at a restaurant. Her coworker introduced her to Kyle.

Mary Louise and Kyle got married later that year. She realizes that if she had allowed her coworker to introduce them years ago they might have had much more time together.

"But I wasn't ready then. I am now," she says. "And since the clock is ticking for both of us, now is a pretty good amount of time."

Then, of course, the 'net

Rob is in his forties, has never been married, and has had only one serious relationship. It took him a while to get over his only girlfriend dumping him, and he has been hoping he could get back on track by dating on the Internet. The problem is, very few sites in his area are helpful. In fact, at least two seem to weed out people who have disabilities, asking specifics about what sports applicants play or asking straight out if applicants are disabled. Rob had to admit on one site that the most vigorous sport he played was chess.

He went to a site that features a full-time monitor so members with disabilities won't become the targets of scammers and con artists. He made some friends, but didn't date anyone. Then one of his online friends said she wanted him to meet a friend of a friend in his area. He was skeptical, largely because he was now aware of some of the nightmares of online dating.

So Rob took along his sister, without his date knowing. His sister sat at another table at the restaurant and pretended she wasn't listening. Then when Rob and his date decided to get together again for dinner a couple of days later, she also went and sat at another table.

At their third dinner, Rob's date, Caroline, pointed at his sister across the room and asked sweetly "Why don't you just ask that nice lady over there to come and sit with us instead of always eating alone?"

Rob and Caroline are now dating on their own.

It can happen

If you're alone, and not by choice, you may consider getting involved with a group of your peers, getting out to do something you like, making platonic friends with peole who also have other friends, or asking around. The usual warnings apply; keep your home location to yourself for a while, be sure to meet the family, take a wingman (or woman) if in doubt, and always have a safe way home. Take it slow, and don't expect to have a lifelong lover three minutes into a relationship.

But you will stay lonely if you stay alone, and there are a lot of nice people out there. Some of them aren't disabled, but you can put up with that if they're the right person.