I’ve been in a relationship for two years with a man who only wants sex. We don’t go out and I haven’t met any of his friends or family. I call him and he's responsive, but he rarely picks up the phone and calls me first. We agreed, in the beginning, to be casual friends with “benefits,” but things changed for me. I fell in love and wanted more. He's told me many times that he doesn't “do” relationships. I've stopped seeing him several times due to his lack of emotion, yet, I keep allowing him back into my life. Rachel, I know that there isn't a future for us, but will I ever find the strength to say goodbye forever?
If you're not a Masochist, there will come a point in time when you'll say “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!” No one can predict when that will happen, not even you. Some event or something that he says or does will make you tell him to "kiss" where the sun doesn't shine. It might be one of those nights after he sexes you up real good and you can no longer endure the emptiness that permeates your soul when he disappears for days on end. It might be when you cautiously ask him to take you out, once again, and he says he’s too busy... or, it might be the humiliation you feel when he jumps up right after sex, puts on his clothes, and quickly leaves, again. Trust me, there will come a time when you'll kick him out of your life forever ... and when that time finally comes … when you finally decide that enough is enough and you're mad as hell, quickly do this one simple thing for me ..... DELETE HIS NUMBER! Yes, simply delete those 7 digits as quick as you can (I’m sure you only have his cell number), without thought and prior to panic. Next, immediately paste the following sticky notes on every mirror in your house:
“He will never love me.”
“He ONLY wants sex.”
“He will use me up until I’m old and gray.”
“...And why in the heck would I want to be with someone who doesn’t even want to be seen with me in public?”
Mona, I know he rarely calls first, but after a while, he'll call 'cause you’ve been missing in action. I know you'll probably answer and you may even save the number again, but this time, make sure the word "USER" pops up instead of his real name. If he calls again, at least you'll remember what he's all about.
My sista, I would venture to say that therapy would reveal that the feelings you’re having are less likely related to "love" but more related to either passion, obsession, the need for a challenge, childhood issues, etc.
Some women say that five moments of mind-blowing passion with an elusive man is worth any amount of pain. But really, is any amount of pleasure worth annihilating your self-esteem, dealing with vast feelings of loneliness, and enduring gut wrenching emptiness every time he sexes you up and leaves?
a masochist would say yes.
What about you?
Check out all of my relationship Q&As in the latest edition of KRAZE magazine at a local newsstand near you!