Wyclef Jean president of Haiti? Countries other rock stars should rule

REVIEW OF THE NEWS: Wyclef Jean announces his intention to run for the presidency of Haiti. What other musicians should run for high office?

By Robbie Woliver
 

We've never loved a Queen as much as we love Aretha, the Queen of Seoul. (Photo: RCA Records)

Wyclef Jean, the Haitian-born music an and social activist, announced that he was going to run for the presidency of Haiti. Here's a list of other rockers who should revisit or consider their political aspirations:

JANET JACKSON, Governor-General of Jamaica: Janet is already the ruler of the Rhythm Nation, why not the riddim nation? Irie, Ms. Governor-General Jackson.

Janet's Army is already prepared. (Photo: A&M Records)

ARETHA FRANKLIN, President of South Korea: Duh, Queen of Seoul.

BJORK, President of Iceland: You might think of her as a quirky swan-wearing freak, but Bjork has some heavy political cred: In 2004, she organized a protest against the building of Alcoa aluminum smelters in the country, which would make Iceland the biggest smelter in Europe. (Haha, smelters.) She is the founder of "Náttúra," an organization that promotes Icelandic nature and grassroots industries. In 2008, she wrote an impressive New York Times article about the state of the Icelandic economy. She has lobbied to use Iceland's natural resources to get the nation out of debt. She set up an eponymous venture capital fund to support the creation of sustainable industries in Iceland. And more. Enough said. Thought so. You have our vote, Bjork.

President of Iceland? Ooops, we mean Empress of Japan. (Photo: Atlantic Records)

RUBEN BLADES, President of Panama: Harvard schooled, this brilliant musician ran for the presidency of Panama once before once before (1994) and was appointed Minister of Tourism in 2004. He deserves that presidency.

BEYONCE, Prime Minister of Russia: It is the country with the most single women. Although Beyonce herself is married, she would be able to organize this great political force with the nation's new motto: ???????? ?????? ?? ??? or polozhit? kol?tso na nem. You got it: Put a ring on it.

Can Beyonce's Army beat Governor-General Janet Jackson's Army?  (Photo: Jive Records)

ADAM LAMBERT, President of Brazil: He's already the ruler of GlamNation so it would make sense that he's move up to the Big Time. Hello? Carnivale every day.

It'll be a party every day when President Lambert makes Brazil a GlamNation. 

JOHN MAYER, President of Nigeria: With 20 percent of the world's black population, imagine all the black women he would have to choose from. What? He doesn't like black women? Even better.

                                                              Oops. No votes for Jon in Nigeria.

QUEEN LATIFAH, President of Sudan: As Mother Africa (that was before Bringing Down the House, right?), it is only fair that the queen is restored to her rightful place as the monarch of the continent's largest country. We still want her to host stuff, though.

M.I.A., President of Sri Lanka: Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam, or M.I.A., is a British-born hip-hop star of Sri Lankan descent who is probably one of the most political of all rockers. She grew up in Sri Lanka, and her father trained with the PLO in Lebanon for a while, and returned to Sri Lanka to become a Tamil activist. Because of her father's political activity and the violence at home, M.I.A. was returned to London as a refugee. Bad Air Force though: all paper planes.

 LADY GAGA, Queen of England: She's already a Lady and has mastered royal etiquette.

Well, she already has the crown, right? (Photo: Ellen Show)

ICE CUBE, President of Ethiopia. Ice Cube running the hottest country on Earth. The cure to Global Warming.

DAVID HASSELHOFF, Chancellor of Germany: He already has the votes.

JUSTIN BIEBER, President of Uganda. Would be funny, right? A tough president for a tough nation. With the affirmation of the BET Awards behind him, this would be a perfect match. And the truth is, he couldn't be worse than the current moron who runs the country.

President Bieber's world will be very different when he become ruler of Uganda. (Photo: Island Records)

PRINCE, President of Chuvashia. They already have a purple flag. Perfect.

MADONNA, President of Argentina: She ran it before, she can run it again.

Don't cry for her, OK?

OZZY OSBOURNE, King of Norway. Where else would the Prince of Darkness rule?

MATISYAHU, Prime Minister of Israel. Oy, what a match. Mazel tov.

C'mon, really, who else? (photo: JDub Records)

KATY PERRY, Chairman of Siberia. Please.

As far as you can go, Katy. Thank you. (Photo: Capitol Records)

IN OTHER WORDS: Let's give these slackers some jobs doing real work.

WYCLEF JEAN RUNNING FOR HAITIAN PRESIDENT RATING: 10/10

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