In it's short time on planet Earth, Facebook has become as indelible to everyday life as brushing your teeth. People across the globe use the service to keep tabs on their friends, family and that hot person they met in a bar a few months ago and totally should have called, but now it's been too long so it'd seem weird. On our phones, on our computers, throughout the day we're all constantly checking in to see what tiny non-events have occurred in the lives of the people around us.
Actually, experts suggest that about 7 percent of our work time is spent surfing Facebook (a number that actually seems kind of low). Heck, one in 33 people say they only use Facebook at work. This incredibly outdated CNN article even indicates that using Facebook at work might be a strong indicator that you have a big problem.
Readers who ingested that last paragraph and started feeling uncomfortable, fret not, because no matter how bad your Facebook dependence might be, it's got nothing on Nicholas Wig, 26, who took time out of his hectic work day burglarizing a Minnesota home so he could log onto Facebook.
When South St. Paul resident James Wood (no, you're thinking of the actor James Woods; this is a different dude) arrived at his home last Thursday, he found it ransacked. Some credit cards, a stack of cash and his wallet had been taken. In their place was a sopping wet pair of tennis shoes, blue jeans and a belt, none of which belonged in Wood's closet.
“I started to panic,” Wood explained to WCCO in Minneapolis. “But then I noticed he had pulled up his Facebook profile.” While in the middle of stripping down to his skivvies, Wig had apparently gotten the urge to sign into his Facebook profile, "Nick Dub".
Using the burglar's Facebook profile, Wood posted a status update explaining to the Internet that his house had been robbed, most likely by the dummy who'd forgotten to log out of Facebook before absconding with his valuables. Continuing his tradition of mental acuity, Wig then contacted Wood and agreed to meet with the homeowner in order to give back his stuff in exchange for Wig's clothes.
Sorry, quick interruption in the story: So, not only did this burglar not steal Wood's computer (which seems like an obvious thing to grab during a home invasion), he apparently did not steal any clothes to replace his wet ones. Does this mean that - on top of getting himself pinched - Wig left the house he was robbing without pants on? Not trying to suggest that drugs were involved, but …
At any rate, when Wig showed up for the meet, he had the audacity to be wearing Wood's stolen watch. That's about when Wood called police, who showed up and happily nabbed Wig on charges of felony burglary. In the aftermath, Wood called Wig the "world's dumbest criminal." Well, someone had to say it.