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Workplace humor and your best asset

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Dear boss: This is NOT true of you! Love, James

 

We need to remember one of our greatest assets during the job search planning process, phone interview process, and the face-to-face interview process: Our smile and sense of humor!
Imagine 2 applicants: The first applicant does not smile, walks stiffly into the interview, burrows his brow and states, “Let’s get down to business. Ask me anything!”
The second applicant walks into the room with confidence, graciously smiles, reaches out his hand for a firm, but not overpowering handshake, uses the interviewers name when stating, “Thank you for taking the time to see me today, Mr. Smith. I look forward to learning more about you and how I can be of service to your company!”
Without a doubt – applicant # 2 is going to get the job offer. Your best asset is NOT on your resume, it’s on your face!
To help you with that smile, I’ve included a few workplace related jokes for you. Do NOT tell these jokes in an interview!!!! But, between us and maybe your friends…they may help with that smile! Enjoy:
 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, 'Is this a union house?'
'No,' she replied, 'I'm sorry it isn't.'
'Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?'
 'The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,' she answered..
 Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, 'Why yes sir, this is a union house.  'We observe all union rules.'
The man asked, 'And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?' 'The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.'
 'That's more like it!' the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.
'I'd like her,' he said.
'I'm sure you would, sir,' said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, 'but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next.'
 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
The owner of a golf course in Texas was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the   University of Texas and I need some help.   
 If I were to give you $20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job, and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men had only missed one of the questions on the test. All the other questions were answered correctly. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thanks to both of you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."
Murphy said, "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish, I should get the job!"
The manager replied, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" asked Murphy.
The manager replied, "Simple. The American put down for question five, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"

Comments

  • Elizabeth 4 years ago

    James, very funny! Thank you for the laughs.

  • Tomas 4 years ago

    Nice!

  • Lea-Ann 4 years ago

    heheheheheheheh!

  • Samuel 4 years ago

    I worked for a company last year that held meetings for NO reason! Everyone hated them, there were never any agendas, nothing got accomplished...except morale went into the toilet!
    There should be meeting "rules": if the meeting lasts more than 1/2 hour...someone gets a wedgie.
    Might be a good article for you, James!

  • Jan 4 years ago

    Good recommendations; great jokes!