Buried in red tape? Dudley B. Dawson can relate.
Over the last year, the Life in the Cubicle Examiner, Dudley B. Dawson, provided his observations, opinions, and insights on working in Corporate America. His views are often cynical, but mixed in with a healthy dose of truth and humor.
The focus of Life in the Cubicle is to bring attention to the frustrations that plague every dysfunctional workplace, celebrate the annoying colleagues you're forced to work with, and a host of other work related topics that make you wonder why you go to work every morning.
After reading the top 25 Life in the Cubicle articles, you will leave offended, laughing, or in serious need of a new job. Enjoy the top 25 articles. If you like what you see, view more articles here.
Top 25 Life in the Cubicle articles of 2009
Work smart, not hard.
1. The seven habits of highly effective slackers
There is a common misperception in the workplace that effective and productive people fit into the go-getter, proactive, or highly organized mold. While it may be true that these people are often rewarded for their seemingly productive ways, their productivity levels are actually well below those of the effective slacker.
Always leave your coat.
2. How to sneak out of work early
We all know we do it. We all leave work early. Some of us leave work early more often than others. For those of you who do leave work early and often, the majority of you are known as the slackers of the office. However, with the right mix of creativity and operational excellence, you can become an early exit-er without consequence.
The following eight tips will have you moving up the corporate ladder from the seat of your couch in no time...
Big 4 employee's home.
3. Big 4 employees are indentured servants
Are Big 4 employees nothing more than a modernized form of indentured servants? I think so.
You thought your cubicle was bad?.
4. World's worst cubicle contest 2009
During the fall of 2009, Life in the Cubicle ran a World's Worst Cubicle contest. Hundreds of photos were submitted, but only one took the prize.
> View the slideshows of the worst cubicles in the world
Example of a consulting
deliverable at big consulting firms.
It only matters if it looks good.
5. Accenture and Big Consulting: What is a deliverable?
It's well known that big consulting firms, like Accenture, IBM, and CSC (and the Big 4) are filled with motivated employees. These proactive, project seeking, industry expert, knowledge seeking folks are essential to the ingenuity and efficiency of the Fortune 500. Without them, the mindless army of corporate cube warriors would lead these organizations into the depths of bankruptcy. At least that's how they think of themselves. While these companies may have some talented and intelligent consultants, the true revenue driver is deliverables. Mountains and mountains of deliverables.
Peter Gibbons of Office Space.
The patron saint of disengaged
employees around the world.
6. The seven habits of highly disengaged coworkers
There is a glitch in large corporations that cannot be fixed. The glitch is an office filled with disengaged employees. In the movie Office Space, The Bobs 'fixed the glitch'. In this case, the glitch was Milton, a worthless employee, who had been laid off but still came into the office everyday and received a paycheck for five years. Milton was not a disengaged employee, but in the world of large corporations...
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Adding MBA will get you
more attention. It will also
cause you to become victim to a
pillow sack full of soap.
7. Workplace credentials: Should I add 'MBA' after my name?
Adding credentials after a name is not exactly a new concept. Depending on the field of work, many experts add some type of abbreviation after their name. Doctors often have "MD", dentists have "DDS", and professors with doctorates often add "PhD" following their name. Unfortunately, there are only a handful of professions in which adding credentials after your name make sense. Having an MBA is certainly not one of them, and there are a host of other abbreviations that are downright pathetic...
Welcome to the blame game.
8. The seven habits of typical bad managers
You wake up on Sunday morning and all you can think about is not wanting to go to work on Monday. You feel sick when you drive to work on Monday morning. You sometimes wonder what it would feel like to tell your manager to f-off and walk out of the office. If this describes you, it's more than likely that you have a horrible boss...
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Not exactly a handshake.
9. 50 job interview questions answered how you always wanted to answer them
Job interviews are often filled with unnecessary questions and ambiguity. The problem is so common that I often dream about the opportunity to apply for a job I don't want -- just to see how it unfolds. Based on the top 50 interview questions, this is how that interview might go down:
> Read all 50 job interview questions and answers here
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Work commutes will drive you mad
and it's because of these
12 people
10. The 12 types of drivers during a work commute
The work commute is a drain for most of us. It's long, it's frustrating, and it's aggrevating. To make the time pass, I observe other drivers. Based on these observations, I have found that most drivers fall into one of twelve types. By understanding the following twelve types of drivers, you will equip yourself with the knowledge necessary to steer clear of these morons...
> View the 12 types of drivers you see during a work commute
Can't find a job that you are
qualified for? Join the group.
Job ads are filled with crap.
11. How to find a job online and translate the job ad jargon
Job search sites are gaining traffic and providing a great service to the unemployed and unhappily employed. Unfortunately, the inability of corporations and recruiters to provide prospective applicants with sensible job postings threatens to render these sites useless...
Gallagher smashed watermelons.
Life in the Cubicle is smashing
the 40+ hour work week.
12. Why we need to move to a 32 hour work week
When times are tough, their first thought is to make people work longer. These extra hours come as a result of businesses laying people off. Laying people off is a result of people not spending money. People not spending money is a result of many things, but mostly caused by watching Jim Cramer, Anderson Cooper, and countless others pounding the recession down your throats. But do the extra hours actually produce additional productivity?
You can't avoid them. You
can only hope to contain them.
13. The seven habits of highly annoying emailers
Working in a corporate job requires frequent use of email. As a result, "normal" employees have to deal with a variety of highly annoying coworkers who don't understand or accept the social norms of work email.
> View the 7 habits of annoying emailers at the workplace
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Work sucks.
Find out just how bad your job
sucks by taking the quiz.
14. I hate my job: How to determine just how bad your job sucks
You tell everyone your job sucks but you've never been able to provide empirical evidence. It's a common story. Everyone knows their job sucks but they've never been able to prove it. That's where the Job Sucking Formula steps in...
> Find out how bad your job sucks
Job title inflation is
reaching alarming levels.
What does it mean for you?
15. Job title inflation reaching alarming levels
In business, job title inflation is a rise in the general level of prestigious titles used to describe the activities, responsibilities, duties and tasks related to specific jobs over a period of time. When the general level of prestigious titles rise, each position that deserves a lofty title decreases in prestige; consequently, job title inflation is a decline in the real value of a job titles...
There's a pervert among you.
There always is.
16. Internet use at work: The 8 types of web surfers
When I'm not surfing the web myself, I'm snooping to see what others are looking at. After 1-2 months of periodic observation I determined that people work 35% of their day and surf the web the remainder of the day. However, not all web surfers are alike. Here are eight types of web surfers I've observed...
Before you leave, be sure
to leave a mark.
17. How to answer 25 exit interview questions when you quit your job
The exit interview is your last chance to give someone "the business". Don't hold back when you leave your next job. There's no shame in burning bridges. You can always build a newer and stronger bridge later in life...
Target's employees are now
forced to dress professional.
Is there anything to show for it?
18. Professional dress codes fail to improve profitability
In September 2004, Target Corporation adopted a new professional dress code for its corporate employees. After five years, it's evident that replacing business casual with a professional dress code did more to decrease employee morale than it did increase employee productivity....
Not knowing how to pull of the
2 hour lunch could lead to this.
19. How to pull of the 2 hour lunch during work
For most, lunch breaks typically last 30 minutes to 1 hour and allow employees time to take a break from the monatonous work day. But there is a predator growing quickly within the modern office that threatens the lunch break: productivity. Fight back by learning how to take a 2 hour lunch.
Out of office messages don't need
to be completely serious.
20. 25 out of office messages to use while away from work
If you work in an a cubicle, you are obviously familiar with out of office messages. For those that aren't, out of office messages are emails that you can create which auto-reply to anyone who sends you an email while you're away. Whether it's for an extended period of time or just while you're out to lunch, people use the out of office functionality for a variety of reasons. Here are 25 out of office messages you can use while away from work.
How do you know if you're
about to be laid off?
Find out here.
21. 8 signs that you're about to be laid off
Everyone seems to be worried about layoffs. If you happen to be looking for preventative measures, this is not your article. The purpose of this article is to provide you with the tell-tale signs of your inevitable layoff. You won't be able to prevent it, but it might just provide you with enough time to exact your revenge...
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You may not need to get this
extreme. There are other ways
to keep your web browing
private at the workplace.
22. How to surf the web at work and not get caught
As an actively disengaged member of the work force, I often find myself on the Internet searching for anything to make the day go by. As a result, I'm constantly searching for ways to hide the fact that I spend the better part of my day surfing the web. This article will arm you with the necessary tools to surf the web all day at work.
A nice alternative to writing
out a formal 2 week resignation
letter for your employer.
23. Should I give 2 weeks notice when I quit my job?
Giving two weeks notice before leaving a job has been, and still is, standard practice in Corporate America. However, recent changes in how organizations handle layoffs and advanced resignation notices should cause many to question whether the policy still fits. The question really boils down to this -- if I spit in your friend's face, do you respond by shaking my hand?
Homer is a God.
24. Guide to a successful career through 25 Homer Simpson quotes
Homer Simpson is a symbol of the working class citizen. He's overweight, lazy, and ignorant, but his quotes are brilliant and inspirational. Here are 25 lessons that can guide you to a successful career, all thanks to quotes by Homer Jay Simpson...
Gen Y stereotypes, are so, like,
EPIC. Right?
25. Debunking Gen Y stereotypes at the workplace
The term Gen Y is nothing more than a group of stereotypes to describe a specific age group. Like Gen X and Baby Boomer, it means absolutely nothing other than to describe when someone was born. Beyond that, it is worthless. In fact, one could argue that a Chinese placemat is more accurate than the stereotypes placed upon Gen Y...
> View the entire catalog of articles here.
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Comments
I was reading and looking at some of your stuff last, like the cubicle contest article and pictures- hilarious!
DBD has gone green. Recycle, reuse, regurgitate.
A friend of mine just sent me this link. I can't believe I nearly ended 2009 without seeing any of these articles. Mr. Dawson, you have a new follower. This stuff is absolute dynamite.
Great stuff. Particularly the reference to Mario Van Peebles in your work posse article. Mario is the bomb-diggity.
Your articles on deliverables and Big 4 accounting are so dead-on accurate, that you can pretty much narrow it down to who your employer is:
- One of the Big 4
- Accenture
- IBM
No other employer would produce the hilarious cynicism you have with respect to careers and working.
This is greatness!!
Dallas Beauty Treatments Examiner & Dallas Volunteerism Examiner
I think someone likes to blow their own horn wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much!
Great post! Finding a job you like and don't find unbearable is really difficult. Not to mention trying to balance it with everything else in life. Thanks for the post.
I recently came across this blog that I thought added some insight and levity into the issue and was enjoyable: http://burisonthecouch.wordpress.com/2010/06/25/family-member-dating/
I’d love to see more like it. Thanks!
You were noted 1 of 25 to follow on Twitter possible due to "cubicle" in the title.
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