Coolest Work Posse Ever.
When I say "Posse" what's the first thing that comes to mind?
If you're anything like me, Mario Van Peebles comes to the forefront. Yes. The Mario Van Peebles. Director and star of the 1993 classic "Posse" which also featured Stephen Baldwin. Although both were snubbed by the Razzies for their performances, I still believe Little J Teeters deserved a nomination. But I digress.
I would assume most of you are aware that a "Posse" is a group of men, typically non-professionals, rounded up to enforce the law. So what the heck is a Work Posse? I present to you the 8 signs that you might be in a Work Posse:
8. Two cars are required to go out to lunch with your work buds - Your "lunch group" has outgrown one car and it requires two vehicles to go out for lunch. Though you likely have a strong Work Posse, the necessity of two lunch vehicles creates a variety of logistical nightmares that threatens to tear your Posse apart.
7. If you chose to squeeze into one car for lunch, it takes 5 minutes to get out of the car - When you go out for lunch your knees or neck hurt by the time you get to your lunch destination. Word to the Wise: You can't fit 7 people in the back seat of a Mitsubishi Lancer.
6. Though you don't admit it, you put much thought into whether or not you will allow people to join your group of work buddies - When new employees join your department you do some deep investigating before truly accepting them into your Work Posse. It could take months before you truly trust that a new member of your Work Posse is not actually a manager's mole.
5. You take many mid-day breaks with friends even though you don't smoke - More often than not, these breaks involve gambling with any device that is available in the breakroom or your pockets.
4. Situations that are typically uncomfortable in normal circumstances now occur everyday...and you don't notice - This is a difficult one to explain. So I'll use an example. One would expect that, as a 22 year old entering the workforce, you would never end up in a situation 5 years later in which a 35 year old male acts out the role of a cowgirl as he is sitting on your lap in the back seat of another man's vehicle. At 22, the thought of this occuring is at least mildly bizarre. But now you are 27 and in a Work Posse -- and it occurs daily without notice.
3. You have instituted a "No Man Left Behind" policy for lunch - you and your friends face tension on a daily basis around lunch time. You, Johnny, Bobby, Timmy, and Joey are ready for lunch. But Donny is sitting in on a meeting until noon. Typically you're starving by 11am. Though it is easy to just go eat lunch without Donny, everyone is fully aware of the silent contract. You wait for Donny.
2. When walking with friends in the workplace hallways, you are often jockeying for front position - Not only do you usually appear in the work hallways with at least 6 people, but you are often seen trying to move to the front of the pack so you can hear the conversation going on among the other 5 people.
1. You know what the term "Dualies" means - Your attachment to the Posse is so strong that you no longer drop growlers by yourself. You announce to your friends that you need to drop a duece and more often than not, a friend joins you.
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Comments
We can offer you protection from office gangs at MyLifeInaCube.com
Actually, we can't. But we do roll deep.
I have an excellent story about my own work posse...
I work for a chemical company. We make chemicals. One day, a member of my posse decided it would be cool to start releasing personal gas in the elevator.
Since only members of the work posse were in the elevator, we decided to all try and push some out.
As a result, one of the members of my posse sharted and it wasn't just a little bit of shart. It was an explosion of poo. It immediately filled the elevator with the worst stench I've ever encountered. A stench so bad that I nearly vomited.
So the panic sets in not for just the shatter, but for everyone involved. Everyone knows we are a work posse and when one member goes down, we all go down. If anyone finds out we will be forever known as the shart posse.
One of the members of my posse, without thinking, hits the alarm button on the elevator. He explained to us that he didn't want to risk having the door open and others would see this mess that was now dripping down the leg of the shart member as he attempted to create a shart turniquette to prevent more shart from spilling further down the leg.
Unfortunately, the result of the pressing the alarm was disastrous. Rather than being able to rush out of the door as a team, even if others were entering the elevator, we instead were greeted by the building security when the elevator reached the bottom floor.
They drilled us with questions about what had happened and eventually the member of my posse who sharted in his pants had to just fess up and say...
"I pressed the alarm button hoping it would speed the elevator as I suddenly felt a massive bowel movement entering the system and I knew I had no other choice than to try and speed logistics because I knew I could not slow the body."
It was perhaps one of the best responses I've ever seen someone give under massive amounts of pressure and poop all over their lower half.
Unfortunately he had to pay for a cleaning company to disinfect the elevator and it was out of commission the rest of the day.
Anyway I just thought I would leave you with that as I had never heard the term "work posse" before but it was immediately identifiable with my and all my shart buddies.
Love your work Dudley.
The shart attack that nearly ripped a work posse apart. Fantastic.
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