Although common law marriage is most prevalent in our society, women still want him to put a ring on it. The excitement of preparing for a glamorous ceremony, friends, family, and associate gathering to celebrate the perfect love----a picture book wedding is a girls dream.
You’ve been dating for two years or more, close friends are getting a ring on it, and you have played an active role in their wedding ceremony, but no hints from your guy. You have discussed marriage, “you can’t force the issue, I mean really! That’s not romantic.” There are a few things you can do to nudge the guy in the right direction or figure out if he will ever put a ring on it.
Is he ready? Are you included when he talks about his future? Does he use the words “we, and us” in general conversations? A friend who had been in a relationship for a number of years with the same girl avoided her conversations about marriage. He was not ready for commitment, as he believed she may eventually interfere with his career choice. He continuously used words like “I want to move,” the move will provide traveling and better job opportunities for me.” Unfortunately she stayed in the relationship until it severed. He hinted that he was not ready, but she figured if I wait maybe he will have a change of heart. If he is not ready, be careful not to linger, move on.
What are his thoughts on marriage? You have a great guy who does include you----“we and us” on a normal basis, you want him to put a ring on it, but he is afraid of commitment, likes his freedom and believes marriage holds him to a greater responsibility and obligation to commit. Wait! Before you call it quits, seek a marriage counselor, a professional who can identify his fears that may be fixable. Guys can easily get comfortable in a situation and see no need to take the next step.
Are you really the woman of his dreams? Men are visual----they are attracted to what’s appeasing to the eye. We women tend to dress for success----to attract men. Are you still doing what it took to get him? Have you changed your dress code, develop a comfort zone----which says, I got you now? My point, take care of you, continue to be the person he met----as you mature, get older, the relationship should mature for the better.
Should you propose to him? The older generation may say, no! A man that really wants you will propose to you. Today’s generation will say, yes! I think that’s a good idea, it's worth a try. Be careful, he might be the man who feels it’s more appropriate for him to ask the question, and if you ask, it may lead to a disaster. Or, he might be waiting for you to ask the question, he fears rejection, wants to ask, but have not reached that comfort zone. Know your man, and you will make the right decisions.
Tell-tell signs. If he is not using the “we and us” words, don’t hesitate, make a quick decision, and move on. That doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over, he might mature see things differently in the future… but don’t close the door to other opportunities. He fears the words, will you marry me? Maybe he is not the one, especially if your heart is set on marriage. It could cause continuous conflict in the relationship. He can overcome fear by facing fear, dealing with it----a seasoned couple or counselor can help him overcome fear. If you are really the women of his dreams, you continue in the same vain it took to attract him----you never know, he will make whatever effect it takes to put a ring on it.
If he agrees to put a ring on it, Sacramento’s upcoming Bridal Expo is a great place to start planning. Join Bridal Expo on September 6 and 7, 2014, at 6041 Sunrise Mall, Citrus Heights, CA 95610.