This recap comes courtesy of Emerald City referee, James Warmels (aka Master Brains). He spent the majority of Saturday and Sunday covering the action on track 2. So this is the first of a few recaps from him!
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Before I get to popping recaps in yo’ ass, I should point out that I generally just write recaps of the Emerald City Roller Girls’ bouts because they are my team. I offered to cover other bouts for Elwood over the course of Wild West Showdown because, though he is an amazing guy, he is but one man. And, there are generally two bouts going on at a time at WWS. So, I covered Track 2. A few things to note:
1. I don’t have the focus or eyes Elwood does for taking blocking stats. My level of specificity reaches “So-and-so delivered one soul-crushing blow after another to Blank City’s victims…er…I mean jammers.” Sorry. As a blocker, I too enjoy blocker stats, but we blockers are too sneaky to track easily.
2. I was not able to cover every bout on Track 2. Friday night, my team was trying to survive against Puget Sound (and doing quite well at it) in the challenge bout hall. Saturday, I missed the up-and-coming Santa Cruz team mopping the floor with Central Coast because I was stupid enough to challenge Megatron to a hot dog eating contest, which I won. And, Sunday morning, I missed another great new team, Silicon Valley, dominating faltering Sin City because Saturday night’s Pants Off Dance Off caused me great pain and furious discomfort.
So, without any more excuses, here are my recaps.
Wild West Showdown: Emerald City Roller Girls versus Arizona Roller Derby
Master Brains of Emerald City and Lane County Concussion reporting
The first bout of the day on Track 2 featured the Western Region’s #14-ranked Emerald City versus #13-ranked Arizona. And, these teams played it as close as their rankings would suggest. The first half stood witness to four lead changes and two ties with Emerald City hitting the locker rooms at halftime with a slim 56 to 54 lead. The Emerald City jammers earned the right to call off 8 of the first 9 jams, including two power jams; yet they weren’t able to pull away with any significant lead.
The second half was much more phrenic. Emerald City’s Ophelia Melons proved to be a worthy last line of defense with her ten-ton-truck-shoulder hits to jammers’ Yugo sternums. Emerald City’s Krazy Kurlz provided effective blocking even when, at the start of one jam, she was the only blocker on the track. And, despite penalty troubles for stars Rex Havoc and Aerial Strike, Emerald City was able to slowly build a lead a few points at a time while holding Arizona to only 27 second-half points. Their biggest lead would reach 36 before they gave up 10 points on a last jam power jam to finish with a 107-81 victory.
Arizona’s Deez Nutz kept Emerald City in check along with Kiki Ur Haz, who was a bit over-zealous and had to hang up her skates for the bout after receiving her seventh major halfway through the second half. Arizona kept pace behind the jamming of Gratuitous Violet and Loca Lena, who likes to participate in triathlons when derby doesn’t give her a good enough work out.
Skater on the Move:
Emerald City’s Bullet Brains scored 53 points jamming and the ref pointed at her all lead-jammer-like 8 out of her 10 jams. She also only allowed one power jam while wearing the star.
Skaters who will ruin your life:
Emerald City’s Ophelia Melons and Roller Toaster were both ruining the lives of Arizona’s jammers. As mentioned above, Melons seemed to have the super power of turning her legal hitting zones into a brick wall. And, “the fastest Toaster on wheels” would move through the pack to level a sisyphean jammer just as she thought she might break free.
It was over when…
Emerald City opened up their 36 point lead with about three minutes to go. Though Emerald City kept their grip on the lead the entire second half, the outcome was not certain until late.
Jammer Stats
Emerald City Roller Girls (Jams - Lead Jammer - Jams in Box - Points)
Bullet Brains (10-8-2-53)
Betty Aim Fire (7-5-0-23)
Roller Toaster (4-4-0-15)
Surly Q (6-3-0-7)
Pow Wow (6-3-1-4)
Autumn Atticweapon (1-0-0-2)
Paige Security (5-1-2-0)
Arizona Roller Derby (Jams - Lead Jammer - Jams in Box - Points)
Loca Lena (12-4-1-39)
Gratuitous Violet (9-3-1-18)
The Bitter End (9-4-1-15)
Deez Nutz (9-3-0-9)
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