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Why your friends' marital advice may be detrimental

Your friends mean well, but you may not want to ask for their advice when it comes to your mariage
Your friends mean well, but you may not want to ask for their advice when it comes to your mariage

We often crave our friends’ advice. We love and trust them, because they’ve been there for us. We know they have out best interest at heart, so when something is going wrong in our marriages, we know where to turn, or at least we think we do.

In general, friends are great for advice. When it comes to weight loss, finances, coworker drama and the like, they have a nice way of helping us look at issues through in a new, fresh perspective. When it comes to relationships, though, it doesn’t always work out as well. Everyone has a relationship past. Everyone has a relationship legacy. And, sometimes, those pasts and legacies coax them into giving well-meant advice that, in reality, is anything but beneficial to your marriage.

They aren’t trying to sabotage. They truly aren’t aware of the monkey wrenches they place in your marriage. They think they’re helping, just like they think they’re helping themselves when they do destructive things in their own relationships. We shouldn’t blame them, but we should be selective in accepting their advice (and asking for it in the first place).

Our marriages are our pearls, and we must protect them. We shouldn’t expose them to everything that claims it will be beneficial. Our spouses, too, are our pearls. They need the same protection. Do not disparage their names while seeking advice. Remember that, as a married couple, you are reflections of each other. When you make your spouse look bad, you make yourself look bad. This doesn’t mean you should sugar-coat a serious situation (i.e. abuse and/or addiction). It does mean you should hold them in high regard and speak about them with the utmost respect.

If your friend has no problem telling you about her “no-good husband,” she’s not the one to discuss your marriage with. If your friend thinks it’s funny to tell you about his “b_tch of a wife,” he’s not the one to discuss your relationship. If your friend is quick to take your side (before hearing the whole situation), if your friend seems to find joy in hearing about your marital problems, if your friend seems to, perhaps unwittingly, superimpose their relationship issues into yours, it’s better to keep quiet. As kind as they may be, as much as they may love you, and as sincere as their advice may be, it’s not worth it.

Sending beautiful energy your way,

~Nadirah Angail

Got a marriage question? Looking for some advice? That's what I'm here for. Feel free to email me at or leave a comment here. (Don't worry. It can be anonymous.)

All Kansas City Marriage Advice Examiner content ©2010 by Nadirah Angail Habeebullah; reposts permitted with copyright notice and link back to original article. All other rights reserved



  • Sandy 5 years ago

    This is so true. I keep my friends away.

  • Miriam 5 years ago

    Wonderful job! Yes, some of my friends must be kept at a distance as well. I like this. I'm subscribing!

  • Courtney Hartmann 5 years ago

    This is a great article! It's true even to those of us not married yet. We have to remember that there are two people in the relationship and quit adding third party input!

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