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Why won't guys ask women out that they like?

Young women confused about why guys who 'like' her don't ask her out on a date.
ariwasabi / 123RF Stock Photo

Dear Deborrah:
Something has been bothering me, and I wanted to get your take on a discussion I had with a couple of my friends. I'm here visiting San Francisco from the U.K. and the guys are the same irritating blokes they are back home. Last weekend at a gathering I asked the fellas: "If you see a girl you like, why don't you ask her out?"

Now don't please answer my question by telling me to "ask him out, then you'll know!" Well, maybe I don't want to "know" he doesn't fancy me, maybe I want to wait and see if he builds up a desire to ask me on his own!

I'm not playing games! Playing games is if a guy who I like asks me out and I say no. That's playing games!

So why do men play these games with women and refuse to ask us out? Is it to get us begging or angry or what?

Signed,
Rolling My Eyes

Dear Rolling:
Men do play games, I can't say that they don't. However, your assumption that a guy likes you and is thus obligated to ask you out is ridiculous.

See, you don't know exactly how he likes you or why or how much. Nor do you know what type of "situation" he may be in at the moment with another woman or two or three.

Consider the fact that maybe he only likes your sense of humor, but has no interest in a romantic involvement.

Maybe he loves how you look and thinks you are hot as fire, but thinks you would never get along because of how he's observed you interact with other people.

Maybe he thinks you are really interesting to talk to, but too bossy, too controlling, too short, too tall, too blonde, too skinny, too fat, too uneducated, too educated, your teeth are too big, your laugh too loud, you don't laugh enough, you dress too sexy, you don't dress sexy enough, blah blah blah.

Don't worry about it! Not every man that you THINK likes you really does. And not every bloke that does like you will like you enough to ask you out on a date or start a relationship.

One thing I know for sure is that when a guy is more afraid of losing out on getting to know you or spend some time with you than he is of rejection, he will ask you out. No matter how afraid he is.

Until that happens, don't bother yourself about what men do. They don't even understand themselves most of the time, so there is no point in wasting your brain cells trying to figure them out.