Why won’t anybody play with Mack Brown?

Eating alone in the cafeteria, nobody showing up to his 9thbirthday party, his dog leaving him to play with the neighbors. These are the types of painful memories Mack must be reliving as the Texas football coaches are dropping out one by one.

Some might say that Christmas has come early with the departure of Greg Davis, but with the good comes the bad. Two other long-time coaches are retiring after careers spanning over 35 years, so now Coach Brown is in a hurry to fill the three open positions in time for next season.

Did I say three? Oops. Let’s not forget the deathblow that makes the fourth—and let’s hope final—vacancy: MUSCHAMP.

Mack would have rather have received photos of his wife with the entire Aggie offensive line, than the news that Defensive Coordinator Will Muschamp would be getting into bed with the Gators.

But can he really be blamed for accepting the promotion to work at the University of Florida that would take him closer to his family and where he grew up?

Absolutely.

Did he stop to consider the consequences his move would have on the community? What the heck are countless Texans supposed to do with the extra three hours on Saturdays next fall that would normally be spent watching the UT games? Bond with their families? Volunteer? Go to church? Not watching football is a slippery slope, and based on last season’s performances, most Texas fans are already on the way down.

Hopefully, Santa will bring Mack a coaching staff for Christmas. His new friends will put the painful flashbacks to an end, and the Longhorn Nation might get a glimmer of hope for the 2011 season. Just remember to eat your holiday pies for the right reason. No amount of pumpkin, cherry, or pecan can fill the hole left by not seeing your team in the national championship.

Screw it. It’s worth a try.

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, Austin Comedy Examiner

After years of theatre, Javier Smith is working the comedy scene of Austin, TX. He is a writer/performer for the Emmy-nominated sketch troupe, The Latino Comedy Project, and performs locally with his improv troupe, Antique Limax.

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