How to change the pattern of rescuing wounded men
Even before you go to a therapist talk to some people you know who have healthy relationships. These people should be people you are comfortable with and you know you can confide in them. Admit your problem and tell them about it. As them if they noticed you tend to rescue people and what they think is the reason you are the way you are. You may be surprised at what they say. It may be a real eye-opener.
These interviews with people you trust will allow you to open up to people about your issues and to understand that sometimes your family and friends can be very helpful in helping you become a whole person again.
The second step is self-talk which is also known as daily affirmations; you need to do this daily if you want to create change in your life These affirmations must be affirmative. Do not tell yourself that you are useless and cannot change, or even that you did your best. Even though that statement is positive it is also a hindrance to change. It suggests that you can’t do better and you always can do better if you want to change. This step is critical and you must evaluate at all times what you are telling yourself in your romantic relationships.
Using affirmative self-talk can help change the way you approach life. For example, if you meet a man and he tells you something that is bothering him you can tell yourself that although you feel for him, this is his issue not yours. Your job is not to change him but to change yourself. Remember you need to get stronger yourself and protect yourself from the strain and pain of getting too involved with a wounded soul. There is always room for human compassion but that does not mean you have to wear yourself out or sell your soul to this man. Some example of positive affirmations include: “I am not a doormat. I will learn to make better decisions concerning the men in my life. “I will find the right man for me who is my equal. “
If you are already married try to differentiate when your husband really needs your help or when you just want to jump in, cure him, baby him, or take over. Knowing when you need professional help or when he does is a vital aspect of a good relationship. Remember the affirmation, “I will make the right decisions?
Remember you need to practice these affirmations daily. You will become a stronger and more positive person because of it. It will take about six months for the brain to register your new thought patterns but of course if you feel you need professional help and you have the means to get that help go for it. It will be worth it in the long run.