The 32 hour work week is to the bad economy as
Gallagher was to watermelons.
Great Onion article on The Great Recession
The recession frenzy is hitting new levels of hysteria. Businesses are laying people off, people are buying Hyundais only out of assurance, and this particular company is begging people to write about the bad economy. Even worse, other "legitimate" news outlets (CNN) can't finish a day without a story of some guy living the life of luxury who is now at rock bottom in a 2000 square foot granite-less home. The news has people going nuts. The real focus should be on real answers to today's real problems. The 32 hour work week accomplishes just that.
How does the news have us going nuts?
The news frenzy is feeding into all areas of life, including work. You are bombarded with comments that begin with "Well, in this economy..." or conversations that end with "Good luck in this economy!". The problem is that the everyday average American loves to exaggerate how affected they are by popular current events. This isn't to say there aren't people who have unfortunately been dumped on due to bad times. But there are many that aren't affected but act like it. These are the people whose opinions flow with current events like a 10 year old boy's NFL jacket coincides with most recent Super Bowl winner. These people never look back on their life and realize:
a) OJ Simpson never became a threat to their personal life. Perhaps they shouldn't have cared so much.
b) When Princess Diana died, although you thought it would, the Royal Family never crumbled.
c) Gay people potentially getting married will not make your marriage less sacred. But Redtube already does.
What does this have to do with work?
Unfortunately, people who manage businesses also react to the frenzy. It's the reason your stick at work at 7pm. When times are tough, their first thought is to make people work longer. These extra hours come as a result of businesses laying people off. Laying people off is a result of people not spending money. People not spending money is a result of many things, but mostly caused by watching Jim Cramer, Anderson Cooper, and countless others pounding the recession down your throats.
But do the extra hours actually produce additional productivity?
If you take a look at the unscientific charts below which are based on hypothetical situations and educated assumptions, you'll see that extra hours don't always equate to added productivity.
In the chart above, it's quite obvious that somewhere between 4-8 hours is the sweet spot depending upon the employee. Even more telling is that an employee who is working over 8 hours actually has productivity levels that fall well short of the productivity of someone working between 3-8 hours per day. This is likely due to job dissatisfaction which leads to active disengagement. Active disengagement ultimately leads you to this article.
To fully analyze the situation you must also look at the number of days an employee works. Most cubicle dwellers work 5 days a week but for most of us, Monday mornings and Friday afternoons are no-fly-zones. Productivity levels never get off the ground on Monday mornings and any resemblance of work comes to a quick end around lunchtime on Friday. The following chart explores productivity levels based on the number of days an employee must work per week.
As you can see from the chart above, productivity levels climb steadily up through 2 days a week and slowly climb to a peak at 4 days per week. Adding a 5th day doesn't plateau overall output; it actually decreases it. If an employee knows they have to be at the office 5 days a week, they budget a certain amount of "play time" into their schedule. Unfortunately, "play time" budgets are drastically under estimated. The result is less productivity over a 5 day period compared to the 4 dayer who knows they've got limited time to get stuff done, thus reducing any "play time" budget risks.
Bottom line is that businesses are forgetting about the law of diminishing marginal returns. Increasing one variable doesn't always increase the other.
What does this all mean?
Based on the above information, it is quite obvious that establishing the 4 day, 32 hour work week as the standard work week will solve all of our nations problems. To prove it, the following is a list of four problems impacting our economy that can be resolved with the new standard work week of 32 hours over 4 days:
1. We need to reduce our dependency on foreign oil. There's no better way to reduce gas consumption than to cut work commutes across America by 1/5th. I estimate this will save the country at least a 7 trillion dollars per month.
2. We need to spend more money. If I'm at work on Friday, I can't spend any money. Giving every American an extra day to buy things will quickly stimulate consumer spending. Based on my estimates, sales of Charleston Chew will increase 95% (it's embarrassing to eat that stuff at work).
3. Companies will save money on utilities. This one also helps cut our dependency on foreign oil. Businesses can turn off the lights and turn down the A/C or heat on Fridays.
4. There are a lot of unemployed people that need jobs. If I'm only working 32 hours a week, I'm going to be participating in a lot of recreational activities...or at the very least I'll be watching way more TV. These people will eventually find work in these new hot economic climates.
What about the disadvantages of moving to a 32 hour work week?
There are absolutely no negative aspects to moving to a 32 hour work week. Pundits might argue, but their arguments are faulty. Here are some examples of these faulty arguments:
1. Over time, people will just ask to work even fewer hours. Eventually, people just won't want to work.
Exactly! Where's the negative part here?
2. Your charts are false. People produce more when they work more. There are diminishing returns at a certain point, but you've exaggerated for your own benefit.
Perhaps. But I don't see you providing any charts.
3. In order to compete with the low wages of budding superstars like China and India, we need to get it together and start working just as hard as them if we ever plan to continue as a dominant force in the business world.
Yeah yeah...I know... but I don't willingly place myself in a world in which I don't want to live. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. Until then, I'm just gonna keep on truckin at 32 hours a week and stick with my plan. Eventually my plans always work.
4. People will still use gas on Fridays when they aren't working.
Yes they will. But that idiot sitting next to you at work who lives 72 miles away and drives a Yukon is going to stay relatively close to their depressing exurb.
5. Do you expect that employers will continue paying you the same amount of money even though you're working fewer hours?
I'm actually not working fewer hours. I'm just not as physically present at the office as much as I was during the 40 hour week.
As you can see, nothing can penetrate the 32 hour work week. This is why you must sign the worthless petition form below that serves no purpose and will not make any changes to the current structure of your work week; but you'll feel good doing it.
The full list of petition members is available at the bottom of the article or view the live summary results by clicking here!
People in support of the 32 hour, 4 day week:
or use the ShareThis option at the top of the article for more options.
Comments
Gallagher HBO Specials in the 80s = Unbelievable levels of anticipation and excitement. Awesome photo.
You had me at gay people and Redtube.
I am reluctantly signing this petition though I usually do not tie myself to anything with Gallagher's stamp on it.
This is crazy that something like this can get published. You have absolutely nothing backing up your statistics. Did you survey employees or employers to create these charts?
And what is "total employee output"? What is this based on? What is the scale? These charts are absolutely meaningless...I can't believe people take this as gospel.
You are an embarrassment to this news organization and the entire news industry.
I think BlueWaters needs a healthy dose of STFU. I thoroughly enjoyed this article. You had me at Yukon/exurbs.
BlueWaters23 - It is a quite simple concept on how this got published. I hit the "submit" button.
This is not how government works and this is not how people should think. What happened to good old fashioned work ethic? Your charts as someone pointed out earlier are filled with unsubstantiated numbers.
As a supervisor myself I know full well how much can get done by having people work overtime once in a great while. When we are overloaded with work it would take months to handle with a 32 hour work week. Our employees work 45 hours per week and having them come in on the occasional Saturday makes sure we are maintaining productivity levels. If we were to cut just one hour from our employees days our facility would shut down and all of these employees would be unemployed. Then what?
Hey Notsigning, I think you need to take that stick out of your behind and reread this. Perhaps it is a legitimate argument but I believe the humor lies in the fact that the evidence is nowhere to be found. Creating charts off of data that doesn't exist is sometimes humorous to people like me and should be to people like you if you would jump off your high horse.
You had me at watching more TV on Friday.
Fantastic idea. I'm forwarding on to everyone I know and hope that all others do as well. Once this reaches tens of thousands of people I have no doubt in my mind that we can get at least a million people to eventually sign the petition. All you have to do is forward the link to people you know and write:
Title: Laughs and Laziness - Article on how 32 hour work weeks can cure the economy
Body:
Read Dudley B. Dawson's very funny article about working 32 hours a week in which he actually presents a compelling argument to reduce work weeks to 32 hours. Make sure to sign the petition so we can eventually get 10,000,000 names on the list. Even better, you can sign it multiple times!
Ben is an idiot. Dudley is painfully funny.
I think it makes sense from a labor supply and demand perspective. The demand for work is very high and the need for work is very low.
Trimming back hours by 20% essentially allows an organization to employ more people at the same cost; that's of course assuming you get paid less for 32 hours of work. This article asks for the same pay which is absent minded at best.
I am not signing this petition as it is fairly obvious this writer is a nihilist or something. He doesn't care about anyone or anything if he thinks it is funny to joke about an economic disaster.
I hope you fall well short of 100 signatures.
LadyLady,
Where did you get your Economics degree, Phoenix Online? In this economy, you are a fauking idiot.
32 hour work week will end the Great Recession... and send us straigh in the Middle Ages.
PS I productively work 50 to 60h/wk and my total output is above 85
Amazing!! Some people actually think this is real!!
sdondi,
Do you have some sort of magical calculator that tracks your productivity? You are a giant douchebag.
No offense to Dudley B. Dawson, I read his stuff all the time. I am a big fan. But I am beginning to notice I hate my job more than I used to before I started reading his articles. Perhaps I have seen the light. I just came to the realization that Dudley B. Dawson might be the work messiah.
But what I really wanted to say was...
Sdondi, I hope you get my cube when I eventually quit my job from reading too much Dudley B. Dawson. I have tons of golden treasures stuck underneath my cube desk just waiting to fall on your lap.
Love the article but man is Ben Utney a gigantic dork.
Is anyone else oddly attracted to Mark Sanchez even though you are not gay? I know I am.
a) working from home two days a week saves gas. there is no reason to work less hours.
b) hiring more people costs a lot of money in terms of benefits.
c) your charts are not accurate. productivity cannot drop below the productivity you already produced two hours previous. this is ridiculous.
d) it is much more productive to lay people off and ask people to work a few extra hours a day. working 45 hours a week is not exactly inhumane. deal with it. I work 60.
Lawrence Belzer - At what point is it going to dawn on you that perhaps charts including an axis titled "Total Employee Output" might perhaps be a joke? I'm willing to bet that it still won't happen after reading this comment.
The 40 hr workweek came in only as a guideline to say that, unless your state makes laws to the contrary (yeah, right), if you work an hourly (not a salaried) person over 40 hr/week, you have to pay them time and a half. You can still work them to death, you just have to pay so much more for it that it isn't worth it.
Which is why we invented Salaried Workers.
You can work salaried people until they drop in their tracks without paying a cent more, and probably charge their family for the 911 call while you cut their wages because they didn't work past whatever time they fell out on the floor. If you work it right, not only can you also deduct the cost of cleaning up the carpet, cube, and desk and handing the stuff to the survivors - complete with the Machiavellian scheme of putting a confidential file in there so you can charge the dead guy with that mistake the CEO made in disclosing private information - to the survivors. And they'll drop dead before they're eligible for any retirement payouts that might go to surviving family members and before their life insurance kicks in. Then brand them as workaholics who never really had to work those long hours. Say that it was their own choice. Never mind that they were told to work the extra hours or be fired - no one can prove those muttered words in the empty hallway, especially if you erase the video recording the worker made on their cell phone from their pocket or purse before you give it back to the family.
Which means, if you don't work it right, they'll be able to pay us for 32 hours instead of 40 hours while working us 60 - 80 a week, maybe more. It's the Great American Work Ethic (the worker works, the CEO gets paid).
I sign when you promise to make them pay time and a half to salaried workers for anything over 32 hr a week, OK? (Heck, I'd settle for OT for all for anything over 40 hours a week at this point.)
BTW I had to google RedTube, it's a good thing I hadn't eaten yet. It's DISGUSTING. I'll have to read the descriptions again next time I'm tempted by something I shouldn't eat. Sex, contrary to all the LOSER porn addicts out there who can't handle normal relationships, is at its best as a participation sport, not a spectator sport.
Thank you to my readers for making the list of names on the petition list quite amusing. Please keep them coming.
1st place so far goes to: In Benjamin's Butt.
I'd like to see you add the mandatory 4 week vacation time that the European Countries get every year!!!
Melanie - thanks for the comment. In due time Melanie...in due time. I have to pump out a lot of crappy articles...I'm sure that will be one of them.
If you want this to happen, don't get a petition full of dubious names and launch it at the President. Start talking to the Department of Labor and to Congress about this and get it into discussion by the people whose job it is to make real charts and do all of that analysis.
I think you have a great point, but why kill the idea with poor execution?
"I am not signing this petition as it is fairly obvious this writer is a nihilist or something. He doesn't care about anyone or anything if he thinks it is funny to joke about an economic disaster." - LadyLady
Oh...my...god. I love how she used the term 'economic disaster' too. You really called it a disaster? It has undoubtedly had some disastrous impacts on some people, but haven't most people been (gasp) just fine?
But even if we have different opinions on what can be a disaster, why can't this be joked about by a writer who writes funny articles for a horrible website? Why is this offensive? I think I've been offended like twice in my life. Get a f***ing grip.
Hilarious. The point in number 5 about being "physically present" vs actually working is so on the spot. It's likely the reality is, actual hours worked by cubicle dwellers in a "40" hour week is already less than 32.
Tell this to my bill collectors. I need that additional 8 hours of pay. If you think employers will pay more for 32 hours of work vs. 40 then perhaps you need to change your brand of coffee.
Shannon - Decreasing work time and increasing leisure time increases consumerism. A healthy balance of both equates to a good economy. When people stopped spending, rather than working longer hours to "make up for the bad economy", we should have done the exact opposite. If I'm not working, I'm buying. Or stealing, but mostly buying.
A disguise for what you really want Dudley and that is to just simply not work and make money. You live in a fairy tale where you can be a lazy worthless citizen and people like me make up for it.
Workaholics are so full of fear that they make up for low self-esteem by engaging in a job frenzy (www.thefreedictionary.com/frenzy). Keep it up exposing the idiots.
It use to take one pay check for new car and house..now it takes two. the econemy WILL ajust to a 32 hr work week...It will create new jobs..construction projects will last longer less lay off time..you can teach kids in 4 days a week..the states would save billions,lowering taxes..every weekend is a 3 day weekend,spendding more time with your kids..its a win win win for every one..make it a 4 year plan dropping 2 hours per year.
Just laughed my ass off ok there was not much left after my boss took as much as he could but still was damn funny. But if I could still bring home the same pay as a 40 hour work week then I would work harder in the 32 hours to make that happen. I might just get to see my kids grow up. my parents worked there asses off and said one day I was born the next day I was getting married. Sad to say but they missed most of my childhood.
I have major back problems and currently working 9 hour days with every other Friday off. My back is toast after 6 hours so cutting back to 32 hour would help me manage my pain better, but the Question is can I can still get Health Insurance if I cut my hours back to 32??
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