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Why Men Cheat?

Why men cheat often turns into a very heated debate between women and men with a range of different opinions! In today’s blog post we are going to discuss the top five reasons men cheat. There could be more, but those we’ll save for another time!

Bored/not getting his needs met. If there is not enough stimulation in the relationship in the form of sex, conversation, recreational companionship (doing fun things together, shared hobbies, etc.) a man can get bored and look to another woman to fill that void. That doesn’t mean you should sleep with your date right away, actually quite the contrary, you should wait until you are sure of his intentions towards you (preferably until you are exclusive). When a man doesn’t have to work or put in any effort (planning dates consistently, following through, treating you great) to sleep with you, or even to get some of your time and attention (and your phone number!) then you run the risk of him getting bored and looking elsewhere for a challenge. Men have a great need for things to be difficult during dating (they won’t tell you this though). Don’t be too easy and you will keep your man on his toes and he will love the feeling (that is if he is into you enough).

Similarly if your man has a great need to spend time with you and do fun things together (we call this recreational companionship and this is a strong need for most men, contrary to what many think) and you are always doing your own thing, working or are traveling, he may slowly start to look to others to fill that need, whether it’s another women or a male friend. This does not mean you should spend every waking hour together or that you should accept last minute dates (you shouldn’t) but it does mean that if a man has asked you out in advance for the weekend, make sure you clear up your schedule to allow time for dating (1-2 dates a week)! Or else you won’t get married. No need to initiate plans or ask a man out (a big no) but be receptive when a man asks you out and if he asks you for date suggestions happily give him some general preferences, and leave the rest up to him.

Showing no appreciation. Men live to make women happy. They want to please you and if a man loves you he will move heaven and earth (or ask ten people to move their heads in the movie theater until you are satisfied and can see) to see that smile on your face. To him, that smile and those simple words of appreciation, mean he is succeeding at pleasing you, which is his ultimate goal! Don’t cheapen out on words of appreciation. Always see the good in him and appreciate the effort he puts in to please you and make your life easier, even in some small way!

If you consistently fail to see all the little ways he is trying to please you, and focus on all of the things he is doing wrong all the time, he will get frustrated with you, and if its in the beginning of dating he will more than likely leave you and find a more appreciative, happy girl to spend time with. If you have been together for a while or are married then he may start spending more time away from you, at work or with his buddies, and yes, some men will look to other women for that attention/appreciation.

Letting yourself go. This reason often angers women the most, but it's also true to some extent. Yes, a man is with you because he loves you for you, but all men are visual and they tend to oogle women who look good. You don’t have to be perfect (after all he is with you because your look is attractive to him), but you do have to keep up your physique, as well as your hair, nails and wardrobe. Don’t fool yourself into thinking your man won’t notice, or he doesn’t seem bothered. Men notice everything, and besides if he loves you he won’t want to hurt your feelings and tell you upfront he wished you dressed sexier around the house. Don’t go to extremes in this area, as some women do get obsessed, but have a healthy attitude towards looking and feeling your best, and this will surely keep your man happy.

Being lazy with your looks comes hand in hand with being lazy in other areas in your relationship/life in general and should be a yellow flag to take action and make some improvements. For many men having an attractive, well kept women is a huge need for them and a source of pride, so if you have this type of man who loves to show you off, then don’t let yourself go, or else you will find his eyes wandering elsewhere (realistically a man's eyes almost always wander towards pretty women, but at least you'll know he is satisfied with what he’s got—you!).

You put him down in front of others. There’s a fine line between teasing your man in public or in front of friends (and still you might want to tread lightly, a man’s ego can be fragile) and putting him down or making him look bad. Women love to criticize, they view is as “constructive criticism” but to a man it is hardly constructive, it is embarrassing and unnecessary!

Be very careful of making your man look bad in front of his friends, family or in public. Avoid it all together. He might not say anything to you, but he will resent it and his anger at you could come out in other ways, too. If you want to criticize constructively, then do it in private and keep it short and to the point. He’ll appreciate it when you don’t go into an angry rage or a long winded hour-long conversation. Tell him, “It made me feel x when you did y, please don’t do that again honey.” Fini.

Being overly controlling of his every move. Men hate women who try to control them and who check up on them all the time, who snoop into their phones, and who are always suspicious and uneasy. Don’t sleep at the wheel, but also don’t go overboard with all the interrogations and accusations! If you believe your man is cheating, ask yourself if it's based on your fear, or if it’s based on his behavior. If it’s based on his behavior, then you are with the wrong man and you need to move on quickly.

If it’s based on your fear then you need to get to the root of the problem of why you feel like this (is it insecurity or is it a result of a past experience, or maybe it’s both?). If you don’t resolve this feeling you will continue to be suspicious of every man you meet, and you will sabotage all your relationships. Consider meeting one on one with a therapist and get this issue resolved as best as you can. Being too controlling will make him want to rebel, and you might find him in the arms of another woman! Don’t give him a reason to stray, keep your eyes wide open but also don’t be sucked into a fear based illusion that can destroy your relationship if you let it.

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