Why men are attracted to porn and women love 'chick flicks'

Okay, enough with the 'porn bashing.' I am so tired of reading it.

I have never been an adult film actor, director, or producer, but for those who are close to me and know me well, I do many times tend to defend the adult film industry against many harsh and invalid criticisms and insults. I have interviewed a number of men and women who work in the adult film industry on my talk radio podcast program, and I have known a handful of others personally.

I read this article not too long ago: Internet porn and men: Has pornography warped male sexuality?

I had very 'mixed' feelings about the contents and assertions of this article. If anyone watched my appearance in 2008 on the now-canceled, Morning Show with Mike & Juliet, I said that "If you are married or in a relationship, you should never allow porn to be 'the cake'; At best, it should be the 'frosting on the cake.'" I tend to put adult films in the same category as junk food. If you eat cookies, cake, and ice cream occasionally ... there is nothing really wrong or harmful about it. If you eat cookies, cake, and butter pecan ice cream each and every day, two or three times per day, then that is a problem. If you are guilty of the latter, you asking for a larger waistline and a future case of diabetes.

When I took a human sexuality course while in college at Indiana University, I learned that the connection between 'perverted' and/or 'sexually deviant' behavior and watching porn is at minimum "exaggerated," and at maximum, highly invalid. Our professor said that most men who engaged in acts of sex that were deemed 'deviant' or 'perverted' did not acknowledge a history of frequently watching porn. There are many men in society who have watched porn regularly, semi-regularly or occasionally that have gone on to have healthy, long-lasting relationships with women.

Probably the number one instance where watching too much porn does tend to cause problems in a relationship comes from excessive masturbation. It is a known fact that if a man masturbates excessively (say, 10 - 15+ times per week), his penis will have a high likelihood of becoming "desensitized," so to speak, to the wet warmth of a woman's vagina. Consequently, the man will begin to have many erectile dysfunction problems with his wife or romantic companion.

My counter argument to all of these criticisms against watching porn is simply this: Why are there no articles that talk about the detrimental effects of women watching too many soap operas, 'chick flicks,' and movies that center on romantic fairy tales? I truly believe that a woman watching too many television programs and fictional movies with unrealistic storylines have the potential to negatively affect their marriages and relationships as porn would for men.

I am going to list what I feel are the reasons why many men love watching porn, why many women love 'chick flicks,' and the potential detriment of each:

5 Reasons why men are attracted to adult films (i.e., porn):

1) 90 - 99% of the women in porn are attractive and in good shape

Comment: It is a fact that the vast majority of men are 'visual creatures.' Men love attractive, sexy "eye candy." You rarely see women in adult films that are too heavy, too skinny, women with real bad teeth, or women who are simply not pleasing to the average man's eye. Same thing is generally true even for the men, even though legendary porn star Ron Jeremy picked up a lot of weight in his later years.

Potential Detriment: In the real world, most women have some "flaws" and "imperfections" when it comes to their body and physical appearance. Very few women in life have the physical appearance or sex appeal of a Playboy centerfold model or Victoria Secret's fashion model. If you, as a man, get too accustomed to watching "super hot" women have sex, you will find yourself having a hard time getting aroused in bed with your seemingly "not-up-to-par" girlfriend or wife.

2) In porn movies, the women act just as horny as the men do

Comment: When men are horny, they will typically admit it. Women on the other hand tend to try to 'hide' their desire for sex from men, especially when they are not currently in a committed relationship. Have you ever seen a man 'beg' a woman for sex in a porn film? Rarely. In real life, many men have to beg their own wives for sex.

Potential Detriment: If you watch too much porn, you might get the impression that there are no prudish women in the world whatsoever, and that all women share the same kinky fantasies that you might have. Wake up. Not in the real world. I have met some very kinky women in my life, but I have also met some women who were extremely sexually conservative and prudish.

3) Very few women talk about "love," emotions, or marriage in porn movies

Comment: Women love to talk about the idea of "being in love" much more than the average man does. Even men I know who love their girlfriends or wives deeply rarely talk about the idea of 'being in love' regularly or semi-regularly. Men really do not like to talk about their own emotions as it relates to dating and relationships, unless there is a 'crisis' at hand (e.g., a pending divorce; just found out the wife cheated on them; etc.). Men would much rather talk about their favorite sexual positions with a woman than talk about their feelings.

Potential Detriment: In the real world, most women frown on conversations with men that are too sexually provocative or erotically explicit if they are not in a committed relationship with you. Now I will admit ... I have had many XXX-rated conversations with women in my first or second conversation with them ever, but I know how to "ease into" that type of conversation. Most men do not possess that talent.

4) In porn movies, men do not have to be highly educated, earn a lot of money, or have a great career. All they need is an above-average size penis and know how to work it.

Comment: In porn, a man can be broke, unemployed, and never have finished high school and get laid a lot. These days, most men do not even have a complete "backstory" (a screenwriting term) within the context of the film. If the men are reasonably attractive and have an above-average man tool, they are good to go.

Potential Detriment: In the real world, you are not going to attract and maintain the interest of a long-term girlfriend or wife by just having an above-average sized penis. Casual sex lover? Maybe. Women who are looking for husbands want a man who has more to offer than just great sex skills and a big man tool ... although those two qualities won't ever "hurt" your ability to attract women romantically either.

5) In porn movies, women do not do too much talking or nagging about trivial, stupid stuff that men do not care about

Comment: If you get a group of men together ... with no women around ... and ask them to name one or two things that they dislike about being around women, inevitably you will get variations of the same response (at least based on my conversations with other men): That women talk too much, and more specifically, they talk too much about stuff that is "trivial" and/or "stupid" in the eyes of most men. Similarly, no man likes to be 'nagged.' We heard you the first time when you said to put the toilet seat down and take out the garbage.

Potential Detriment: In the real world, most women love to engage in conversations about subject matter that the average man could care less about, such as shopping. Men just shop. They rarely talk about what shoes they are about to purchase. They just do it. Men do not sit around talking about recipes (unless they are a professional chef). Men love talking about sports, how to make more money / improve their career, and sex. And realistically, the number one reason why they talk about making more money and improving their career is so they can have more opportunities for sex (if they are single).

5 Reasons why women love 'chick flicks' and romantic fairy tales:

1) The vast majority of 'chick flicks' and romantic fairy tales end with a happy, long-lasting marriage

Comment: Many women fantasize about having a beautiful wedding and happy long-lasting marriage. Given that, it stands to reason that most women are going to be attracted to television programs and/or movies that emphasize and highlight beautiful weddings and happy, long-lasting marriages. Women love to say, "Awwwwww ......"

Potential Detriment: Life is not a fairy tale, which is why in the real world, men and women get divorced on a weekly, if not daily basis. Some women make the mistake of placing more emphasis on their wedding day than they do their actual marriage. A long-lasting marriage is work. Even Oscar Award Winner Ben Affleck pointed that out in his recent Academy Awards Speech.

2) In 'chick flicks,' most women only have sex with men they really care about, and men who totally respect them and love them

Comment: If you watch many romantic comedies and romantic dramas, very few leading female characters indulge in a lot of casual sex, and if they do, they quickly regret it and swear not to do it again (Think of Kristen Wiig after having casual sex with Jon Hamm in Bridesmaids). The vast majority of female characters in movies are typically love-oriented, monogamy-minded, semi-prudish "good girls."

I personally cannot think of a romantic comedy or romantic drama where the lead female character was a combination of 1) very kinky, 2) very promiscuous, and 3) possessed a less-than-average interest in getting married. If you know of a (heterosexual) female character falls into that category, please write me and tell me. The two women that come close were both in Spike Lee movies: Tracy Camilla Johns as "Nona Darling" in Spike Lee's first film, She's Gotta Have It, and Theresa Randle as the struggling actress who becomes a phone sex operator to make ends meet in the 1996 comedy, Girl 6. I would include Sharon Stone's character from Basic Instinct, but she was bisexual.

Potential Detriment: This is at least half of the reason why many men do not frequently watch or like "chick flicks." In real life, many women have sex with guys who are 'jerks,' or sex with men who treat them like crap. Not once or twice, but repeatedly. Even when a 'jerk' is not involved, many women indulge in episodes of short-term and/or non-monogamous "casual" sex very frequently. In my opinion, this is not accurately depicted in romantic comedies and romantic dramas enough. This can mislead women into believing that more men are looking for their next girlfriend or future wife rather than just looking to get laid, and that is very far, far, far away from the truth.

3) In many 'chick flicks', the men very rarely if ever talk about having sex with the woman

Comment: Many women hate to be thought of as "sex objects," or a piece of meat for men's sexual pleasure and satisfaction. I agree ... women have more going for them than just their vaginas and bodies, but sometimes, many movies take this notion too far on the other end. I have watched many romantic comedies and dramas where the leading male characters hardly talked about sex at all. In my opinion, that is totally unrealistic.

Potential Detriment: Realistically? If a woman meets a man who rarely if ever talks about sex, nine times out of ten, that man is going to turn out to be gay or impotent. Real talk. I am not saying that a man should be talking about nothing but sex twenty-four hours per day, seven days per week ... but a good portion of his conversation should center on what he likes and dislikes sexually.

4) In most 'chick flicks,' the man is usually the 'bad guy' in the relationship, and the one who is to blame for the downfall of the relationship.

Comment: One of the reasons why I loved movies such as Fatal Attraction, Play Misty for Me, Body Heat, Pretty Persuasion, and Blue Valentine among others is because the screenwriter(s) of those films made the lead female characters in those stories just as flawed, if not more flawed, than the male characters. For most movie buffs, that is rare for most romantic comedies and dramas. In my opinion, for every ten movies you watch related to dating and relationships, usually the man will end up being the "bad guy" in eight or nine of those films.

Potential Detriment: In real life, one of men's constant complaints is that many women blame men for everything that is wrong with their love life, sex life, and overall social life. For example, when famed golfer Tiger Woods got exposed for cheating on his wife, virtually all the women pointed the finger at him ... and he did deserve criticism for committing adultery ... but what about these women who knowingly had sex with a married man? Why no criticisms of these women's decision making? I say, in the real world, the downfall of marriages and other relationships is usually fifty-percent the man's fault, and fifty-percent the woman's fault. If it makes women feel better, we can go with 51% percent the men's fault and 49% the women's fault.

5) In 'chick flicks,' men who are prolific and incorrigible womanizers are usually frowned upon, if not totally ignored in the story

Comment: With the exception of the James Bond character (particularly as played by Sean Connery), very few leading male characters are incorrigible womanizers, players, or pimps. Especially in romantic comedies or dramas. Real quick: name the last romantic comedy or drama you viewed where the leading male character started off the story as an incorrigible womanizer, and at the conclusion of the story, he was still an incorrigible womanizer? At best, you might be able to name one or two, but I personally cannot think of any. With most films I've seen, either the leading male character was a monogamy-minded "nice guy" looking for a new girlfriend or future wife from the beginning of the story ... or he starts off as a womanizer and player, but by the end of the story, he falls in love and gets married or becomes romantically involved with just one woman.

Potential Detriment: If you listen to my talk radio show, I frequently criticize women who hook up with womanizer types thinking that they are going to end up "changing him" and getting him to settle down. Where do these women get this notion from? Why of course, the movies. The feature-film industry frequently sends out the message that, "The only reason a guy is a womanizer or player is because he has not met his 'soulmate' yet. As soon as he meets Ms. Right, he will stop seducing other women and just settle down with the love of his life."

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

If you are a man reading this, and you have rarely if ever watched porn ... then do not start. Stay as you are. You will probably be better off for it. If you really want to watch some good porn, do not watch 21st Century adult films. Watch the classics from the 70s, 80s, and early 90s. Those films were like R-rated mainstream movies that just happened to have explicit sex scenes included.

If you are a woman reading this, and you love watching 'chick flicks' and romantic fairy tales ... then you need to realize that most movies and television programs are marketed with the female consumer in mind. The Entertainment Industry loves women, teenagers, and children. Adult heterosexual males are at the low end of their priorities totem pole, with the exception of action movies like The Expendables 2 and Taken 2.

There is an old adage in the creative world that, "Art imitates life as life imitates art."

I say, fiction is never as entertaining or as educational as everything you experience in real life.

Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of books, including Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking and Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex. Currie's latest eBook is available exclusively on Amazon.com in their Kindle format. You can also download a copy of Currie's eBook on your iPhone, Android smartphone, or other smartphone. If you are sign up for Amazon.com's PRIME membership, you can read Alan Roger Currie's new eBook for FREE. More details on Amazon.com

Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie, the most-listened to talk radio podcast program nationally in the category of "Romance" and dating & relationships on the BlogTalkRadio Internet Radio Network, can be heard LIVE every Thursday evening at 10:00pm EST / 7:00pm PST. Visit http://www.blogtalkradio.com/modeone and http://modeone.net for more details