At first glance I would have to agree with you. But when you remember that Jesus preached of giving to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what truly belongs to God, it is not so ridiculous after all. Moreover, Catholic Social Teaching encourages the laity to immerse themselves, as salt and light, into the very fabric of their nation. Another Biblical maxim is 'being in the world, but not of it.' So, giving to Caesar what belongs to Caesar includes our vote. And as 'salt and light' we would have to be part of the party which was Pro-Life. 'Being in the world, but not of it' would exclude being a Democrat, since the Democratic party is the most secularist, and the most anti-religious party in our nation.
And all of these facts tip the scale toward responsible Christian discipleship in America as found in the Republican party, or, possibly, as an Independent.
So why would Jesus be a Republican?
First, and foremost, Jesus died on the Cross for our salvation. Religious freedom allows people to move in the Spirit toward the Divine Mercy of God. Democratic HHS mandates, and overt unfriendliness toward Traditional Catholicism and Christianity, are the enemy of this very freedom.
These Democrats are the contemporary Pharisees and Sadducees of Jesus' wrath.
Next, Jesus is Love Incarnate. And Love Incarnate inspires charity freely given. A behemoth big brother, a Goliath of an entitlement monster, is the Leviathan, the Beelzebub, contrary to the Holy Spirit. Sure, capitalism is prone to greed. But Socialism is more than prone to tyranny, it is fundamental to its core.
Jesus, moreover, is the champion par excellence of traditional marriage. After all He is the Groom of His Bride the Church. Gay Marriage, a major ideological tenet of the Democrats is a blatant slap in Jesus' face! Add abortion, euthanasia, manipulation of an illegal immigration crisis, and contraception, and you have a Democrat ideology straight from hell.
Jesus would most certainly be a Republican.