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Why is it so hard for good people to find love?

Our we overlooking the obvious?
Our we overlooking the obvious?
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Not long ago a frustrated single person posted a question asking why it was so hard for good people to find love with a suitable mate. Our lives are for the most part the end result of the choices and decisions we have made along the way.

Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. There's no getting around this. Even if one is using online dating sites they are still responsible for the profiles they select over those they chose to overlook. You're the buyer! If you don’t like what you’ve chosen learn to become a better shopper!

If it's on my plate I must have ordered it

The first thing a person has to do is own their choices in life. Whenever we focus on things outside of ourselves as being the cause for our unhappiness it makes us feel powerless. If you want something different you have to do something different!

Perception is reality

A person who has a negative mindset and constantly says things like; "It's them", "All the good ones are taken" or "They're all liars, cheaters, or emotionally unavailable and none of them want a commitment." is creating their own reality. The truth is over 2.3 Million weddings take place each year in the U.S. alone! That's over 6000 weddings per day. People meet and fall in love every day.

No matter what you look like or what you do for a living you are someone's type. People blame their appearance for being alone. However if you go for a walk, look around the grocery store, mall, parks, beaches, movie theatre, restaurants, or even churches and you will see people whom you feel are overweight, too skinny, have odd shaped physical features, bowlegged, missing teeth or whatever and you’ll believe you are more attractive than they are....And yet you see them with a mate! They've got someone special they're holding hands with, laughing with, hugging, and kissing as they go through life. People of all shapes, sizes, and various ranges of attractiveness find loving partners.

One of the issues "good people" have is they're not attracted to other "good people"! In our youth both the "nice girls" and the "nice guys" got ignored by the cool or popular kids. Instead of the "nice girls" and "nice guys" coupling up they become determined to find a way to be accepted by the "in crowd". There's the old quote: "We ignore those who adore us and adore those who ignore us."

You could stick a woman in a room with five guys and have four of them on their knees extending their heart out towards her while the fifth guy sits in a corner sipping a cocktail acting as if she does not exist. That will be the guy she wants to get to know!

Harry & Sally

People say they want a nice, honest, open, loving mate; but they chase after those who are a "mystery" or a "challenge". Given a choice between dating the boy or girl next door versus the new one that lives across the street most people are incline to put in the extra effort to cross the street. The boy or girl next door becomes the best friend. He or she is the one they share their romantic dreams and heartaches with. Other friends point out how they might be good for one another but they refuse to entertain the thought of it. They say things like; “I don’t see him/her in that way,” or “I wouldn’t want to risk destroying our friendship if things didn’t work out.” So they go on sharing life’s observations, finishing each other sentences, eating off each other’s plates, sharing their deepest fears and secrets with one another, and encouraging each other through ups and downs.

Twenty-five years ago there was a movie titled “When Harry Met Sally” in which the leading characters were best friends until one day they realized “the one” was seated right in front of them. Is it possible you’re overlooking good people because you automatically put them in the friend box? One place where you’re sure to find "good people" are those you’ve placed in "The Friend Zone". We expect the relationship we have with our lover or spouse to evolve into us being best friends. However some of the best relationships occur between couples who started out as friends.

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